Bought a new balance 902. Its bright orange. :-p upload pic sometime. Did i ever say i know alot about running shoes? i always read up on it, so you can call me a running shoe enthusiast. Been wanting this shoe for some time, though i think i would still miss my ol asics, but oh well.

went to Funan to cut hair dirt cheap. You know hair cutting is one of those thing im very particular abt but i always take for granted. Sat there for 1 half hrs. Sian. Saw uncle tiang too. Got a big guy washing my hair, and i thought a diff kinda hairdresser for a change, den comes an auntie again to cut my hair, and some more its a trainee sch!!! Like she the only 1? but well, im fine with it. They're nice to talk to, got d attitude, just a tad too slow. :-p Saw uncle tiang there.

Was in a mad rush today. So many things i gotta do, and yet rushing here and there at the same time. ITs madness half an hr. thats what happen when everything is last min and i don't plan properly. things went horribly off plan today. My hairdresser im trying to go regularly went overseas. I initially didn't wanna buy shoe today, got stood up(pang seh, eh got oxymoron pun. :-p) by so many ppl cos all cannot go with me, den thought of some one who always always so free that would be willing to follow me, so ya, went in the end. But like, had to go back sch again etc. Alot of stuff lah.

Super tired. Got alot of fizzling thoughts that have fizzled away. Again. So too bad. thats initially the reason i wanna blog. :-p

Sometimes i just feel that i need to learn to make better decisions. Can't stand it.

Failing seems easier when everyone arnd you is doing the same even with my class. For a record, my class has only 9 passes for maths, a never before seen phenomenon. Lol.

Probably ppl dun see it in terms of relationships, friends alike.

I should learn not to talk too much. I wonder how much a torture it is that i couldn't speak. I had a burning throat on mon nite but luckily for me, I can talk, just swallowing in pain. Thank God for vocals. Singing has been an integral part of my life too.

Ah crap. Forgot what i wanna say cos im rushing off to buy shoes. :-p bb.

Hmm.. Well, maybe my thoughts now aren't that good, but don't think too much about it because its nothing. Just some thoughts that i wanna write down and let it out. Im ok. :-p

Don't know whether its in my life, but this year, only twice i was really quiet while walking to mrt all the way frm
downtown east. Well, todays the 2nd time. I shan't say what went through my mind, but its a combination of alot of things. ALOT. But ya. It happened that both times is after some sorta meeting. But ya. alot of things went through my mind. So alot of things made me unhappy. BUT don't worry its nothing just wanna let YOU know and let it out. Abit gotta do with ppl. Thats all im gonna say.

MAybe im starting to have changed opinions, even for myself.

Maybe im starting to share the same sentiments as Ben.

Sianz. 2 movies i crazily wanna watch but cant. Got free tix i also not privileged to watch. :-p

Oh happen to saw seraphina on my way home at the downtown east bus stop i initially walked past. Then she like purposely board the bus cause she say everytime very ji mo going home alone at nite after tuition. Nice to talk to her. Its the little things that God do to perk me up. =)

Oh. Today happen to speak to my freshies. Haven't spoke to them in a while. Wan Ting and Jessica. Lol. Then I got a weird encounter with this touchy guy I shall explain if you all asked don't wanna say it here err so weird. :-p

Everyone's like sick. Get well ppl. Haha. I ytdy never go sch too. :-p Bad nowadays i find that im missing more and more when i miss class.(read miss with a diff meaning, like i miss you that meaning, will seem so diff, haha.. i find it so funny. :-p)

Challeges for self and others to lead to a God-centered life

I hate my decision making process. I always end up making wrong decisions. Made a few today. Sometimes its hard for me to really think before i act. Very hard. I have to learn to consider the consequences before i spend my time on it. Haiz. Anyway, I have quite a few challenges i wanna give myself and some for others to do.

A summarised challenges to myself: Living everyday Godly. Not wasting time. putting God at the centre of every thought. And considering consequences before i act.

Challenge I want to give to all, including myself:
How much have you thought of God today? Not just for qt, but how often, when we are so caught up in sch and all, how often is God involved in our thoughts. Rui told me of an eg where this missionary was constantly trying to remember God IN HIS EVERY THOUGHTS!!! we both were like. Woah thats tough. But to us, a test is how often do we do it our day? When we are so caught up with sch, sch work and the things we have to do throughout the week? Something I started doing the past few days is count the number of times I thought of God throughout the day, especially in sch. I am amazed in the past that it is only barely 5 times I thought of Him. The last few days for me is improving, but its still bad. So the challenge is: Count the number of times you thought of God that day, and make a short prayer, committing whatever you are thinking or doing to Him. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT IN HELPING US TO PUT GOD 1ST IN OUR LIVES!!! This is the 1st step to putting God in EVERY THOUGHT!!!

2nd challenge: Do you commit your studies to God? Pray especially before we start doing homework at home. Thats the easiest to start.

3rd challenge: I just thought of this. How often do you pray for forgiveness of sin? Don't you know that everyone would sin often? Meaning isn't it likely that we sin everyday???!!! Add praying for forgiveness of sin everyday to our daily praying agenda, if you DO PRAY DAILY, that is.

Reply to tags:
Jo: Thats how you look at it you see. You look at the most important thing in life as a personal relationship with God. I look at it as God. What makes/breaks this relationship? It is not only speaking/praying to Him, but for your relationship with God, it is the things you do right? in obedience on not. So this relationship in its entirety is not only just a relationship. Like I said. Thats how you look at it. For you, so often it seems that people's actions has to have an ulterior motive is it? Actually, i can only remember 1 or 2 instances when you do so. :-p But ya that was just a passing statement also. Lol.

Woke up at 4am this morning. Then couldn’t go back to sleep. Had a bad sore throat and a nose that couldn’t stop running. Almost like a tap lah. And I was super hot, couldn’t stand the heat and I turned on the air-con, which makes my nose worse lah, but no choice. Was super hot. Luckily, mum happened to wake up and helped me to some medication. By the time everything was over, it was 5 plus. And I fell asleep in my thoughts on the couch, but its like, woke up quite late. Then, was abit painful in sch cause I had gastric pain. Luckily it is now still bearable. Still have cca and all. Have to go though. :-p

Random thought: It has become natural for me to read between the lines more often than not. Assuming things, and reading into things that happen around me. I happen to look out at the things around me, but am at times ignorant in a few sense. Learning not to. But of course, not everything needs to be read between the lines, nor u cant read between the lines, but its just natural for me. I feel that not everything is as it seems, but other than that, its a small thing and its a random thought. :-p

Oh this post is not important. Look to the previous day's post if you haven't!!!!

My brain is moving very slowly now. Had great fellowship today. Food at carl's junior was huge and filling. have not had so much beef beefore(courtesy of rui.. lol..) Food was great. But im super tired now. Its barely ten. My brain is moving like a turtle now. Just now on jia min's car, I was slow listening to things and slow answering. But well, i felt just now's talking was just like blabbering so my brain just didn't want to catch up. Talking for the sake of talking.

Random thought that i wanted to say for some time but didnt say:
I was wondering why I am very sure so yet am not happy. I thought the ans was another, but I realized God was the ans for not being fulfilled. God wants me to learn of the answer. Its Him. Everythings answer, was actually Him.

Sometimes the songs im listening to really reflects my state of mind/thoughts. Don't wanna listen to those kinda songs when I am in tt mood.\

Its not even 10 and im very very tired.

Time to rest. =)

Reply to tags:
Jackson: yup. You know, when i was sec 2/3, I bought this SMAP album just for 1 song. SMAP is really popular in Japan. You know in 1 year in Japan, like 2002 or 2003 i think, Jaoan had economic recession. No album had sold more than a million copies in Japan, but SMAP's singles sold more than 3million copies that year. How amazing is that? lol. Sch's ok i guess. :-p

Cheryl: Thanks. =)

Sometimes fear kicks in and everything else and it bothers me. I am likely to see principal. Though I have an excuse that im sick. I don’t think I should give an excuse for myself. I am still bad at studies, and am trying to find ways to correct it. However, I think for me, I fear one side of the spectrum. Not studying enough. I wonder how to find the balance. People always are at one end of the spectrum. They either study too much, or too little. I don’t know. All I know is- know which end you are in, and correct it.

Anyway, I realized I was sort of spiritually growing since I started going to church 3 years ago. I don't know how long I was stuck at the professing Christian attitude, but ya. The past year has been a spiritual low. But know I think I can say I am starting to go on spiritual high again. :-p Start growing.

Yeah. =)

God 1st, and everything else shall be added unto you!!!

The challenge is still doing it during the week. doing it when I don't feel like doing it.

Theres so much I wanna say again, especially from the past few days. From talking to kenneth to todays comm meeting. Everything else I think its not so important so ill talk about it later if i do remember. Anyway, today after comm meeting... All i can say is i feel the calling. I shall not elaborate. No its not about being chair. But ya. Im inspired. =)

Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

READ THE LOWER PORTION SLOWLY AND THINK ABOUT IT!!! SLOWLY DIGEST AND THINK!!!

These verse truly spoke to me as I spoke to kenn yesterday. Maybe you all might not see it in the light that I had, but this is what I thought, and what he teached me. If you put God as your primary relationship= everything else is not important, or at least 2nd in importance. This means EVERYTHING... including relationships and career etc, is not important. You do not need to be bothered about these things so much. If God is 1st in your life, everything else will fall into place. It truly struck me that I should put God 1st, and everything will fall into place. For example, since yesterday's yf is about BGR, you must ask God, whether are you able to continue to live life, being single, and be strong in God? Not saying having a relationship, you can't be strong in God, but can you say you love God more, that you don't need a relationship. If you do have, its like a bonus. Same for career. Same for everything else in life. EVERYTHING IS A BONUS!!! Live life like everything you have is a gift. God has to be 1st. If hes not, then I urge you, everything else is/can be wrong. Yes, even relationships, as a christian, it will go wrong if you can't truthfully say you love God more. If you reached a point where you would say you can't live without the person you like. Then something is WRONG!!! Actually it may sound very cruel, even to me, but knowing it, I will follow, cause thats what God wants, and I agree. If you think of it, you can say that everything else WILL fall into place more easily. Think about it. I don't know whether it struck you like it did to me, but to me, I want to learn to do so. And I truly thank God for kenneth for all the perspectives he gave to me about relationships, and applying to everything else too. Its just like. Wow. What have I been thinking all these years. God 1st. The important thing is applying. Not saying or knowing. So I hope you all are able to understand it like I do. And pray for me. that I truly learn to do so too.

I wish u all could understand it the way I do, but well, God willing, you will. =)

But then again, i feel inspired to do what Ive not been doing all these times. Yes thats sortof my calling. And pray pray pray pray. Thank God for these 2 days. For now, its God, then comes yf and studies. Everything else can wait. Anyway Ill sortof finish studies in 8 months anyway. :-p Comm meeting i felt sad almost to the point of tearing, but then soon i became very happy. =) Think about it. Why should we be happy?

Todays message is also good. It also struck me on how many ppl may leave. From old ones, to even young ones.

I really feel so. But I wanna make sure God comes 1st first.

But yea. Just now i got real irritated. Im like. Whatever whatever.

Seriously. Whatever whatever.

Don't talk nonsense.

But well, ill forget.

Despite what you did, I will do tt thing i always wanted to do, and will do. I need to save up abit. :-p

=) : >

Have you ever heard of SMAP? If not, you CAN'T be a japanese music fan. Lol. They're popularity in Japan is even better than like what it is to us as Backstreet Boys or Jay Chou. THEY'RE A HOUSEHOLD NAME!!! And their a group have lasted for 15 YEARS, AND STILL GOING STRONG.

p.s. tricia has uploaded MIND'S bdeos and photos, though all not very nice and very noisy, check it out if you want to.

reply to tags:
Rui: It's because I have something planned that I wanted to do? Lol. Why would i wanna stay home on sun? haha. Anyway.. Guess what. This Fri cca cancel... SO IVE THE WHOLE DAY FREE!!! but... they put it on sat whole day. I was like so last min. Lol.

Thank God.

Always wanted to do some thanksgiving espcially e past few days, so though i don't feel like doing it now, ALL THE MORE I SHOULD DO IT!!! So.. Just wanna thank God for all the ppl who encouraged me in 1 way or another the past week.

Thank God for Tricia whom tried to study with me the past week. Though it didnt really happen, I still thank God for you constantly trying to, and thanks for the constant reminder to study, and also the encouragement for my common test TWICE!!

Thank God for Zhi yuan whom always is there sparing me his free time to study with me, or sorta giving me free "tuition" when he can always do something else and not sit down with me.

Thank God for Debbie whom happen to call and might be praying for me, for my vision problem and all.

Thank God for Cheryl whom i am able to chat and share with the past few days, and thanks alot for your encouragement too. Enjoyed every moment of it.

Thank God for my SIS!!! She is super sweet lah. Wrote me a note in a small card to encourage me. Haha, and this is not the 1st time . Why do you think i say i have the best sister in the world??!!(though im bias towards her.. :-p)

Thank God for those i know will always be there when i need them, Rui and Adrian. =)

Thank God for a great yf last saturday. Great fellowship. Great weather. great exploring. Great cycling. Great food. And more great fellowshipping again. And I think we should also greatly Thank God for Tricia who spent so much time planning for it, virtually half of her holidays!!!. Debbie and Rachel too.

Thats all from me. Alamak. Spent so much time. Wrote so much. Too much to thank God for.

=) : >

If theres anything i need.. It is to pray for my vision!!! and of course exams.. :-p

Reply to tags:
Cherie: I know. I've read that he was in the group because of his dansing skills. And guess what. Its confirmed that hes the bass of the group!! Just have yet to see him dance. But ive also read that they are just a gimmick and don't have very nice songs. :-p Yea rite. Whatever. :-p

Cheryl: How to? lol. I think its more than a case of accountability for me. Yes i know. I love that song too. Love it to bits. I tink i'll soon be able to memorise the lyrics lah. Ive already unconsciously memorised who sings which part of tt song le lor. Lol.

Bad Block Test

A bad day in sch; a bad day of exams. C'mon lor if you think its ok, cos it is almost confirm i will fail quite badly for both econs and physics lor, and especially since i studied quite hard for physics. Fears running through my mind again. Like should i retain? Will I be retained? You say haiya its only demoralising thoughts, i say no, its seriously cos im doing so badly. Really. You don't wanna know i pass how many tests this year, or last year. If you do, then you'l probably understand why i say so. Plus, i only have confidence in passing tomorrow's chem paper. Thursday's maths paper have almost no confidence at all of passing. But for now, ya... I should put it behind my mind and study hard.

To add insult to injury, or more like injury to insult, i have vision problems again. It started since yesterday. Though i should be thankful that it did not get worse, it did not improve either and was ignoring it most of the time doing exams. At times i couldn't even read what i wrote. Forced myself to try and read. Recalling the last time i had this prob, doc say it is due to stress. So im at a loss at how to deal with it. All i could think of is to pray and to psycho myself not to be stressed and relax.

Anyway, boo... Don't like comm meeting on sundays. Burning sundays away. But yes its for very selfish reasons which i dont wanna say though ppl might be able to guess. It's a sun AFTER EXAMS!!!

I've let my emotions get the better of me yesterday, and ive wasted the whole day doing nothing cause of ill-discipline. Oh well.. Now that i'm wide awake, i shall qiong all the way. Haiya. Nvm that im _sick, this is the reason why i wanted to keep it in the 1st place. Qiong ah. 3 more days!!! And then there will be things to look forward to again.

You know, it feels like i was walking(maybe not literally walking) down memory lane on sat. I just could remember the time when i was walking those path with..... More memories again? Nowadays i am very dreamy/ kept thinking of memories.

I think they know about my past, judging from their laughter a few days earlier. But oh well, it doesnt bother me.

Anyway, ive moved on.

Just realised it is so much better to read my blog without the dots. Really. Maybe I should make it a permanent thing.

Things in my mind.

STUDY!!!!

Why do you have to ask this kinda question?

Why do you have to do these kinda things?

2 ppl got to my nerves today. Haiz. Always sun afternoons. Probably coupled with fatigue, though i slept at 8 yesterday, woke up at 9, eat dinner, den went back to sleep again. Yet woke up this morning feeling very tired, when i initally wanted to wake early to study cause i was very tired yesterday, but it didnt happen. My legs were sore, so was my back. Yet today's CE topic was about healthy confilict. Yet can I not sweep it under the floor. Even if I do bring it up though, I know that it might not change much even.

MAybe I shld've just had lunch with mum and not....

Oh.. but I know why. I have a headache now thats why. Probably felt it during CE class but swept it to the back of my mind. Grr.. Every Sun afternoon seem to get headaches.

Anyway. In the past few days, I have alot to thank God for. But, maybe not now. But just a short one. Thank God for yf yesterday.

Maybe its a common problem in youths, but i dislike parents in general. Though parents are important ppl and I thank God for them, however, I dun like their imposing methods, just as if their methods are always the best. MAybe youths method are often not good. but i just hope that sometimes that they accecpt what we believe in. Dislike their tendencies yo make use of their power to "threat".anyway, it seems sometimes/ somethings areas I hope. Great. But theres still a long way to go.

Feels like im so desperate to speak to him like that. But actually, i sometimes feel that it is like so weird and i sometimes think that maybe i shldnt tell you, or i neednt tell you.

irritated.

The fear is playing with me.

i am happy, but yet....

You know. I know. Its different.

Tricia, Get well soon. Nvm if we didnt study together today. Nvm if you didnt study today. Health more impt. Get well soon. Cheryl too.

New Fav song. Enjoy. Watching the MV seems nicer than listening to the song itself though. Maybe cos i started by watching it? lol.

Always There- TVXQ

[Youngwoong]

Block the light
When you leave, it has to be dark

[Yunho]
Cover the sun
When you return, I might look foolish

[Micky]
I sit and think at the place where we made our promise

[Choikang]
Will I be able to share the love I have for you?

*[Xiah]
Even if my mind was erased, I wouldn't forget your face
Your face is clear when I am full of sad memories and tears

[Youngwoong]
Even if I emptied my heart, our memories will still hold its place

[Choikang]
Because I'm so sad, so hurt, you're the only one I can see

*[Yunho]
Even if my mind was erased, I wouldn't forget your face

[Youngwoong]
Your face is clear when I am full of sad memories and tears

[Choikang]
Even if I emptied my heart, our memories will still hold its place

[Micky]
Because I'm so sad, so hurt, you're the only one I can see

Dance? Yea mass dance is good for me. =)

"Dunno. I'll think about it."

That's almost equal to saying yes lah. At least that response is what I'll expect from you. :-p Haha. I noticed the difference lah. Quite obvious. :-p I'm sorta guo lai ren. Dunno whether she'll understand this. I know you will if you read this. :-p

Anyways, those songs really jolts a certain few thoughts and memories back. Sometimes, its nice; sometimes, its really bad; sometimes its to the point of irritation. If not, i don't mind it coming to mind once in a while.

In love with a new genre of songs, though i've always been listening, it's just that it didn't make sense in the past. :-p

I DON'T LIKE DANCE- or at least a certain genre of it. Yea i kinda like hip-hop dance, but I dont like suggestive moves, and it just irks me when i see those "sexy" dancing, or so to put it in nicer terms. Just don't like how some forms of things that can be pure are distorted to impurity. Just look at music- though music i can tolerate, dance=nono. Thats why i have some reservations on dance. Anyway, but i still like dance- though you could consider that i only seriously know how to do 1 kinda dance- mass dance. Haha. Mass dance is great. Didnt regret every single moment i had doing it, and yet i have the chance to teach my freshies(jc1's) too. Every time I listen to those songs, I just feel like dancing the moves, though i forgot some portions. :-p Especially the upbeat tokyo drift. I dunno. I just have really wanna like the sudden movements and quick dance moves compared to slower ones. :-p But like i said, i really dont like suggestive moves, especially the one in lets get it started, ill just do it and keep quiet. Lol.

Music indulging time. =) : >

Better tricia? :-p

Dreams.../ no QT= ....

it looks like i m definitely unable to study finish for block test.. die lah.. lol..

today had oreo mud pie. cool stuff.. though not exactly excellent. it was big and its cheap(esp since mum paid for it) was juz so shiok.. haha...

been indulging in lotsa chocs lately.. i hav aplenty in my fridge lah since christmas period.. so every day or 2 eat a few... woah gonna die of choc overload... :-p

dreams always seem great.. when u tink of it...

memories always seem great.. when u reminiscence it...

e thought of those few days.. though i know it didnt feel tt great den.. seem better when i reminiscence it now...

tt image... i wish i had e artistic ability to draw it out...

u noe i had a weird dream again.. ya i tink what yuan said abt A lvls and stress will bring alot of weird dreams.. ya had 1 last nite.. didnt tell him today tt he was in it.. haha... but tt was not e main geez.. cos could not remember e earlier parts.. only e later.. abt tis fren... quite random actually its juz some acquintance of mine.. but yea cos of things happening lately.. e things my fren told me abt her.. maybe it has something to do also with an old fren of mine telling me last nite tt she has a cousin who is her fellow comm member in my sch... :-p

u noe i feel so bad having so many acquitances and sometimes i couldnt remember where i knew them or they're names.. saw one today... sian...

been watching e dance floor faithfully these few weeks... :-p they're gd.. :-p

haha.. actually so many ppl are jack of all trades.. master of none.. i m one myself too.. :-p

home is a real bad place to study for me.. haiz..

some songs really juz reminds me of a certain few ppl.. i might wanna reveal someday, but i hav to recall most of em 1st. :-p

e dream one and e other practical one.

fallen for all e lies. esp my own.


no QT(quality time) with someone = feel like something is missing
no QT(quiet time) with Someone = EVERYTHING IS MISSING SOMETHING!!!

tts all i remember.. some stuff always seem to be missing... well.. cos i hav too many random thoughts and i like listing all of em... grr.. and e prob with random thoughts.. i cant remember what they all are... grr.. irritating... i shld juz stop blogging abt random thoughts.. cos ive like blogged close to 70 posts in less than 3 months... lol...

ive come to grips with it... but well... cos of e all e wrongs ive done.. ive let it go... and yes.. coming to grips is not easy... but well.. gd or bad? depends.. prob both.. but actually.. i didnt drop it... i juz let go...

if i was mature enuf.. i shldve let go a long time ago..

it might be becos it went tt way tts why.. or my mind thought tt way.. :-p

something interesting hav been running thru my mind... hmm.. haha..

tis is life.. i guess.. coming to grips with all there is in life is tough...

but yea.. im quite stubborn..

was sorta arguing with mum abt character... people oriented... she terms it all to "socializing".... willpower can change alot of things.. maybe.. but i never had strong willpowers... so its hard to come to terms with... and want me to be task oriented.. err..

ur kidding rite? lol...

i dun even agree to it in e 1st place...

and i shld not say it cos it never comes true and its better to do it than to say it rite? feels like lying if i fall back in again...

hav set e ultimatum...

erm.. maybe.. i still might retain.. :-p

shld not hav mention e bipolar thingy on a paper our teacher wants to write abt our probs.. i didnt noe need to hand in.. and now my cher talked to my mum abt it.. SCARY!!! oh actually is my mum called abt something else tt my cher mention.. ahha.. :-p

i juz realized so many ppl arnd me in sch is/are in a relationship or are thinking/talking abt it... lol... SCARY!!!!

hopefully it'll last..

though.. like ive said...

theres somewhere in me tt doesnt want to drop it.. =)

lol... i juz cant believe how coincidental it is... tt it is like.. what ive been imagining.. or at least almost... maybe now i can hav more inspiration to continue.. modify it to make more sense... though i see no value in doing so.. now at least.. but well maybe i can fulfill e 2nd image i hav... and put it up... =) see how bah... :-p i had like vision for those 2 images lah.. lol...



The Greatest Thing
The greatest thing in all my life is Loving You,
The greatest thing in all my life is Loving You.
I want to Love You more, I want to Love You more,
The greatest thing in all my life is Loving You.

*repeat and replace love with know/serve. =) :->

i cant remember e rest of e repeated words.. if u noe pls tell me... =)

one of my most fav hymn(or isit? :-p)... simple.. yet speaks it all... oh.. i might posted it before.. wait let me check... ah.. found it online.. :-p great.. =)

e end.. hopefully../ Mind's cafe..

tis is e end... i hope.. to all things i want.. to all these things i hold dearly to...
its time to give it all up... though i will never forget...

but ill never forget last nite too...

ill never forget how i was stopped by e police.. how i was swarmed by 2 frm both sides.. how i was suspected of nothing... yes i did nothing except made them tink i did something... thus was "caught"...

ill never forget how i wavered periodically last nite... not once...

giving up is always so hard.. though its time i had... for all those things..

tis is an account of a great mon nite...

went out with tricia, yuan, ben, adrian, sabrina, shawn, han, mavis, debbie, jia min, justin, rui and of course birthday girl jodi herself to have dinner together... birthday girl was sick though was sleeping at home and took mc frm work.. she really didnt look very well..

tricia and me met alicia kok at pasir ris mrt.. who was supposed to be at clementi for tuition at 5.. but we met her at mrt at 6.30... lol... she is so late... and she say she always like tt.. lol... arranged for ben, yuan and adrian to board our mrt frm bedok... when we came down...
yuan realized he lost his wallet... and there goes his IC which might cost him $100... and ben
was saying how yuan looked so calm initially.. lol.. shawn came very late cos he wanted to meet with me but he didnt noe i change phone no a long time ago.. lol.. who ask him dun hav hp..

dinner was nice chicken rice but cost $9.50. ouch i wld say... prob becos of all e dishes.. sab left at tt point and we went mind's cafe to play all kinda cool games... drinks there were ex.. jia min and justin shared cost to buy jodi an oreo cheesecake... cool stuff... den not long after cake debbie, jia min and justin had to leave... so its left with rui, tricia, shawn, mavis, han, yuan, adrian, ben jodi and me to play... rach came but was very late.. e highlight was some game which is u noe e action thing in movies which had a ticking countdown clock inside... we were afraid tt e time will stop when we hav it so we pass it around like small kids.. but had one of e most laughter when all these big adults acted like small kids... haha... forfeit was eat tissue paper.. ee... no lah.. no one ate except jodi becos she lost e next game.. which was e 2nd highlight of e nite.. tis game was tis hands game i dun remember e name where u hav to follow e action of whats written on e card.. jodi juz chew e tissue paper into a small ball den spit it out only lah.. :-p e last game i was biggest loser only 1 who dun even hav a single gold.. :-p

on our way back.. jodi and soon rui dissapeared to take a bus back... so e ppl who took mrt back were mavis, han, adrian, ben, yuan, shawn, rach, tricia and me... there was one point when it felt really cool... everyone was in their pairs...den i was in e middle... only able to see all e things tt was in e front carriage of e mrt... and having e chance to quietly fall into my thoughts and maybe into slp.. but yuan and shawn spoiled it... lol.. tts basically all bah...

how many days do i want to feel like tt and waste my day away again.. haiz... wasted another day....

ha..
haha..
hahaha...

funny how i keep falling into tt same slump over and over again...

funny how i keep breaking my glass... .. wake up... pull e pieces back together again... and break it all over again... painful vicious cycle...

...

u noe i had 3 dreams last nite...(oh i juz realized its magic no 3)... it mainly involve 2 main characters in it... 1 is lead in 2 of e dreams... both lead i have never dreamt abt before in my dreams... 1 was a not so close fren... the other was... 2 of e dreams were bad dreams.. 1 was supposedly a good dream... i only remembered 1 of e 3 dreams to precise detail... e other 2 i only remembered if it was a gd/bad dream... and who was e person in e dream... and i am starting to be able to interprete it... though it may be a random dream...

i was pieced back together by "the potters hand" today... i was dropped on e way home cos of fatigue and lack of slp... and i was shattered by mistakes...

i know there will be many more occurences of tt happening...

i thought for a moment i cld handle...

and i proved myself wrong e next... when God gave me a test...

its been a long time since someone told me they saw me but i didnt see em... i always find tt i notice ppl... ppl dun notice me... maybe cos its frm my perspective? maybe im juz able to catch a glimpse of someone every so often... though they do not notice or turn to say hi...

help? i dun even know i cld help myself.. dun say u...

its time to try to let go of some things all over again..

for ur info.. e 3 mp3 players i hav on my blog.. 1st one is e song frm "the classic" which is on autoplay...
2nd player has a few christian songs... no sacrifice, followed by heart of worship, unconditional love, den measure of a man...
3rd player are some very nice songs adriel gave me... there are 3 songs in tt player too...

haiz... i cant take tis anymore... i dun tink my mind and mental health can handle these things tt are straining my mind out... not 1 not 2 but prob 3 or more... i let 1 go le... tis... which bothers me and aches me so much... i want... to juz not tink of... i hav to let go....

and return to... tt primary r....

haiz... to believe my mind... is simply..

retarded....

added lots of songs as well as 3 playlists... enjoy... =)

Tis is e korean song lyrics tt someone translated.. though i dun tink its accurate.. :-p

I to you, you to me
*CHORUS*
I am yours, like the sun which sets
The beautiful memories are all from one place
Precious memories of the naive days together
Woo- they remain as a picture which has no regrets

You are mine and make the lonely times pass
You are the sunlight which shines on me
Your small white hand in mine
Like the sparkle of a jewel it makes the promise of eternity

* Repeat

You are mine, like a sad graduation song
You are still a small part of this hear tof mine
Your beauty glitters in your eyes
Like so many stars I hope you will always shine

* Repeat x 2


Afters에의한 아름다운 사랑
아주 저쪽에, 나는 너의 치는 심혼을 느낀다
전부 혼자, 수정같은 별아래에
무슨 고독한 얼굴, 공간으로 빤히 본
나는 너와 나의 장소를 발견한것을 해볼 것이다

(합창)
무슨 아름다운 미소
나는 잠깐을 위해 체재해 좋은가?
이 아름다운 밤에
우리는 모두를 우측에게 만들l 것이다
나의 아름다운 사랑, 나의 아름다운 사랑

달, 너를 위해 나의 사랑보다는 더 큰
천국이 우리들을 처음부터 끝까지 당기는 때 세계는 추돌한다
세계의 비밀은 별안에 쓴다
나는 나의 것안에 너의 심혼을 나르고 있다

(합창)
무슨 아름다운 미소
나는 잠깐을 위해 체재해 좋은가?
이 아름다운 밤에
우리는 모두를 우측에게 만들l 것이다
나의 아름다운 사랑

어쩌면 더 중대할 것은 일어날 것이다
어쩌면 모두는 볼 것이다
어쩌면 우리의 사랑은 불 붙잡을 것이다
그것이 나를 통해서 점화한다 대로
(3x)

(합창)

무슨 아름다운 미소
나는 잠깐을 위해 체재해 좋은가?
이 아름다운 밤에
우리는 모두를 우측에게 만들l 것이다
(2x)

나의 아름다운 사랑
Lalalala사랑
Lalalala사랑

나의 아름다운
Lalalala사랑
Lalalala사랑

나의 아름다운 사랑

fatigue... something tt makes my thoughts go haywire and out of control...

i shld hav decided to put a control on it... but...

yea... prob so...

doesnt feel like a retrreat last nite.. though i liked chien chongs message and his sense of humour... =)

leaving things unspoken...


e problem is with me and i hav to solve... sooner or later.. so if i want to end it.. better solve it... NOW!!!

These dreams... tt beautiful dream..

made a fool of myself today.. cos i went to sch thinking got extra econs lect.. but when i went there.. i was like.. today is off day for a reason rite? how come got lect.. lol... like idiot like tt...

im not saying no yet despite what my mum says...


aarrgghhh.. its happening again...

life feels like a dream to me.. i feel like i am juz a passing dream to ppl...

feels like im dreaming... dreams always seem to be far more wonderful than it may actually be..
i will always remember tt wonderful dream in my heart.. no matter what... though i never dreamed tt dream or anything related to it... when all else appears in a dream.. it makes me wonder... why it doesnt seem to appear in my dream...

maybe it really is a dream...

though im happy... God brought me to tis painful dream... going through these things i might never will have... and maybe even.. just to have this beautiful dream... i don't know whether i will ever have a more beautiful one... but for now.. its as beautiful as it can get... =) :->

Love this photo... =)

Worried by "what if"s...

WHY AM I BLOGGIN AGAIN???!!! u ask... well.. juz wanted to cos tmr no sch tmr so got some thoughts so my as well...

am i sway or what? lol... juz keeps happening... maybe God wants it so? i dun noe... too coincidental too often... :-p

is it me? really is it me? am so worried i did something tt made ppl unhappy... and it seems possible if i wanna put it tis way... scary!! really...

tis is why i tell u im worried abt "what if"s... zzz....

gotta pray abt it..

am really fed up with tis... i better do something to change it... and i have to do it...

not gonna let tis continue... it cant...

tt cant continue too...

it really wld seem odd to me too... how? :-s

am really worried abt certain stuff...

actually i really tink tts why im not close to ppl... becos of tt thing of mine...

hymn: In his time, juz spoke to me while im bloggin...

juz realized tt e song on music min blog is "everything in its time".. =)

my face feels hot dunno why.. maybe juz now play too much?

my mum actually initiated talking to me abt e topic i gotta ask her sooner or later anyway.. and as expected.. she gave tt ans... though she said it very nicely... still abit undecided... :-p

reply to tags:
joel: real srry if it makes u feel tt way... i always never thoughts so but everyone who reads it say so.. maybe cos i use my blog to fa xie bah... my fren frm sch say i everyday damn cheerful... dun look stressed at all when i tell him im stressed... maybe cos i put my bad thoughts here bah... :-p

I hav tt problem which i never viewed tt way...

bad bad day for me... talked to my ex chinese teacher abt retaking chinese... but guess what... she made me realized... alot of things tt i never had.... made me very very down cos of e things she said... yes shes very fierce and direct... but yet... i realized.. im actually viewed like tt by e teachers... oh well... change is yes.. but haiz.. feel very very bad... guess what she told me? and i guess i dun wanna say it here... but pls ask me if u wanna know.. dun wanna keep things inside...
i wanna tell u all.. but dun wanna "announce" it here..

den comes cca.. wah... my conductor so fierce today.. very very bad... den was like die die want to go tis sat.. end up also cannot... maybe only fri nite... cos of e way he put it... rather looks like i die die hav to go for prac tis sat.. sian... sad again...

i almost forgotten... im a leader in my cca... and im doing too little.. haiz...

i guess if i cant go overseas trip with my cca... i wanna go church camp? lol... =)

realized.. i hav told only 1 abt my brother... oh well... nvm... dun ponder on it... ppl dun wanna noe also nvm...

u noe my blog song really is nice to hear.. when u wanna hear it... songs give a diff meaning when u want to hear it and u imagine stuff.. makes world a diff....

"what if's" hav been bugging my mind again...

feels so superficial.... so on e surface... oh well..

looked down upon...

guess hav to live with tis result e rest of my life... tt im poor in chinese... haiz..

u noe i visited my frens friendster profile yest... brings back memories of em and also to check out how they're doing... :-p

"gd to see nic so work oriented" by another teacher.. hope it is really true..

juz realized shows like to depict it like tt... muz be very similar...

really hope it doesnt happen tt way... the way tt(some movie i watched awhile back ago) show depicts.. i duunn waann.. :-(

guess my fren's msn puts it really well..

gossip kills r....

reply to tags:
rui- too bad it didnt last... :-p

joel- tt sentence wasnt referring to u lah.. lol...

ytdy was a great day.. why? studied chem and gain a whole new better understanding... or at least felt like it... did alot of catch up with a fren... i have been wanting to catch up so much for a long time le... den went somewhere in e west side(oops or south?.. haha... :-p) for "dinner".. so had a great day of chitchatting and jokes and fun.. on my way home... i was like.. what was i doing in orchard... on a weekday?? like i happen to say ytdy.. shopping is not for me... :-p and and.. love almost everything i read abt tt article on God's leader... juz really hope i can learn to do things.. God's way.. =) :->

i wonder... do they think tt i think tt i might noe tt or think tt they think like tt abt tt?? oops dunno what im saying.. dunno how to describe what i wanna say.. juz tt... haiya nvm...

somebody made me abit worried and thinking of "what-if' something happened".. luckily like i expected its ok.. =)

juz dawned on me tt syf's in less than 2 months? wow.. got lots to do to help e whole section improve.. tis friday is a hol for me..

cool rite?? =)

juz am greatly happy... abt...

e complexity of e human heart..

what are u thinking?? lol...

it seems i always come back with a headache on sun nite...

den i like slept at 7pm... juz to remove e thoughts of e past week... flying thru my mind...

emo thoughts.. but fine after waking up and taking a bath.. refreshed and energized again...

i like tt leadership article.. wanna read finish it asap... am so excited to see what ive not done and what i shld do.. at least i noe what i shld do den i can change..

to me.. rather than say e bench mark is too high... sometimes... i like it.. cos i hav something where i can say i noe i shld do...

excited... my qt material for tis week.. read it and come up with prac ways to implement it to my life...

cool...

haiz.. sometimes things really puzzles me... but haiya dun care dun come and bother me...(to thoughts)

i realized... im kinda diff... or maybe even weird i wld say.. while toking to justin abt e athings guys do in jc... but i dun... haha... but tts gd to me... :-p

so much tt i want to say... so much tt doesnt need to be said...

so tts all... =)

"u all can bad mood den i cannot lah?" tts how i felt...

was quite stumbled by e things happening arnd me today... den was in tis sad sian mood after getting my results ytdy... den ppl not happy ah... i also can lor... chey...

i usually dun get angry with ppl.. these are e rare occurences... but den.. im actually not angry with em or anyone.. is juz ppl bad mood den i bad mood liao...

but im ok juz a spur of a moment... fine after awhile no grudges... :-p

though sometimes i really dun like e things some one else does also...

k cant remember le so late.. i wanna slp..

all i cld remember.. was e reminiscence of ikea... when i was abt 3-4.. btw went there tonite for dinner... remember going to e near queensway shopping centre... memories were juz so vivid and stong.. cld remeember at e entrance... following e arrows.. layouts... e funzone(i tink tts what its called)... where my parents wld watch me play... e pencils and ruler... e spaghetti tt i ate when i was young... so tempted to eat it in e new ikea... but nah.. not filling...

and ikea still has e same design(or similar) for a chair i used to hav many years ago.. and e view looking outta e new ikea... e dark view.. with juz lamp post lights and car headlights... is so untypical in sg.. feels juz like... back in malaysia... :-p

juz realized my last post cld hav another meaning i didnt though of.. oh well... no its abt God im thinking of... =)

tt day... did i hear nothin? or was i shut out? no one??? really no one??? not even u.. and u.. and even u?

it is all... in e mind...

amazing how ppl can be numb.. amzing how all of us can be numb...

why are u so numb?

i hoped i played a bigger role... but prob like u said it... hope tt will change... =)

like ive always thought and felt.. it juz feels... it is different.. =) :->

"the river runs and the river hides
out to the ocean and under the sky.
I promise you, the answer will come;
hold on to patience and watch for the sign.
everything in its time."

they say it's hard to make it in this part of town,
so many people on this merry-go-round.

i often feel like i'm two steps behind.
somebody must have moved that finish line.
there are a thousand reasons why i should give up
but i'm stubborn in the things i believe.

'cause maybe there's another plan -
one i still can't see.
a little surprise, like Your love in my life;
funny how time changes how we see.

i just fall on my knees and i try to pray;
in the silence i can hear Him say:

hold on to patience and watch for the sign.
everything in its time."

yet another timely song posted on e music min blog by august... juz when i needed it most... i see tis new song... above are e lyrics i find most wanting... i cut some.. actually most.. and place it here.. tis song is by corinne may... go to e blog to listen to it... :-p

"at least got pass rite?" translated from chinese to english frm e words my chi teacher said...

i sorta got a hunch... i prayed a few times... and i realized tt i kept consoling myself... tt i will not be sad if i did badly... its like everytime i prayed.. e way i put my wrds is like consolation...

yea i did badly for chinese... my "best" sub... how demoralizing it is... tt my best sub.. and a sub tt i always felt gd doing... came back with these kinda results.. haiz...

retake? prob i guess.. i hav to weigh my options... haiz...

dun wrry im ok... im never one to be too saad with bad results.. maybe even an a lvl paper... at least i hope its a wake up call... :-p

oh... praise e Lord for e wonderful results joela zhang, yuan, jeanette , hensley and keefe got for their A's... thank God for their gd results.. at least something to thank God for.. :-p

i have bipolar disorder- if u believe online questionaires tt i took and e ans tt i give... i chanced upon an article abt it yest and i went online to check on it... cos i realized show some of e symptoms... or actually half to most of it... did A FEW diff online questionaires.. and it confirmed it... oh well.. it explains alot abt my probs... go read up on what it is... i dun wanna explain... oh.. and i hav adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder(ADHD) too... but nia... i dun tink so.. prob rated my ans too highly... but maybe abit? lol... maybe shld go to a psychologist someday... :-p dun wrry... im ok... i think im not e only one who has it... i can tink of a few who might hav it... and i tink mine is prob controllable i guess.. i still tink i hav lotsof control over any of e symptoms.. so even hav also minor maybe... :-p

removed tt talk abt tt disorder cos my fren juz made me realized tt it shld not be true.. so i removed it.. nothin to worry abt ppl.. :-p

funny how i hav not lived with my dad for almost 6 years already... yet.. many of my character traits are so similar to him... like i learned frm him like tt... when i realized.. i was like... haha... tts odd.. :-p

there are many who have walked past me.. and many who i tink are a_________... but only 1 who seemingly stands out above e herd... in my eyes... juz feels diff... =) :->

been having gastric probs lately.. :-p

oh tmr a few of my gd frens taking a lvl results.. pray for them if u read tis... im getting chinese so its ok.. :-p

thought tis is impt to blog abt so... :-p