Maybe i should make it clear. I no longer like you. Its in the past. I only wanna be ur bro! which part of that do you not understand.

Ok maybe i should listen to advice and chill.

I think i still miss talking to you.

Love, as a Brother

You know. Sometimes i think to myself, why am i always just so concerned. It feels stupid, it feels like you will never reap any benefits, will never gain anything, but im always still concerned. I guess thats called a brother.


I was right. I guessed right. Though i may not know you very well now, slowly, bit by bit, im beginning to understand what concerns you, what is important to you, and what troubles you. 


Just glad though that you didnt disappoint. Still my sis. :) Though its not hinged on that, but im still glad.


Though your methods i disapprove. It is a bad testimony to the non christians who see the status. It is a bad testimony if they know the truth. We should live above reproach. We should be blameless before others and God. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear. They can say all they want, but why fear when you have nothing to fear, and have to resort to lies again? What happened to what was said in the 10 commandments, that "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor" in exodus 20:16? But its your choice. Its your life. Everyone makes wrong choices. Everyone sins. But the important thing is, realise it, turn to God, repent, and seek him again, and His name shall be Glorified through you. Again, i say this, out of concern, out of brotherly love. I just wanna help.


Though so often i dont know how to bring it across. Though so often its awkward. Though so often i want to help, but i cannot do much or even anything anymore. Though i have failed as a bro. Though we might never talk again. Though you might never read this. There is no love lost. And through all the saga, through all the crushes and the emotions. It is put in place. You are my sis. That is all. That is how it will be. And i will always support you, from the stands.


And this is my prayer. That i shall forgive. I shall be patient. I shall be slow to anger. And I shall watch my words.


Loves,
Your Brother

Prayer For a Friend

Prayer For A Friend
Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OC7aGj-E14


I lift my friend, to You.
Complicated circumstances
have clouded his view.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.


I fear that I won't have the words
that he needs to hear.
I pray for Your wisdom , oh God.
And a heart that's sincere.
And Lord I lift my friend up
to You.


Lord I lift my friend to You.
My best friend in the
world, I know he means much
more to You.
I want so much to help him, but
this is something he has to do.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.


There's a way that seems so right to him.
But You know where that leads.
He's becoming a puppet of the world.
Too blind to see the strings.
And Lord I lift my friend up to You.


Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.

I dont want to hear that name

Feels like a grey area in me that i dont want to think abt. Its like a stumbling stone. Its just me to really hate not being ok with ppl. And whenever i see that person im like grr you know. Its like you know one of those things that you know it was your fault and you jut cant do anything to make up for it. That person's name has suddenly become like sensitive topic, like i dont want to hear that name.


Haiz. This is where learning to rely on God and praying comes in. So difficult.


Joanne Soh is very rou mah. Yes i said it! HAHA. And i know you read this.


I wonder how many more silent readers are out there. Hmmn.

You're not alright. But its ok. Ill always try.


Does Anybody Hear Her
Casting Crowns


She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

Never even met her
(Never Even Met her)

(OHHHHH)Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? (Does anybody hear her?) Does anybody see? (Does anybody See?)
Does anybody even know she's going down today? 
Under the shadow of our steeple (shadow of her steeple)
With all the lost and lonely people (Lost and Lonely people)
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

Good times, not so good times

The good times probably only lasted 10 min. The 10 min alone. After that, all you wanted was him- tall, smell good, 8 packs, ur old flame. Thats why we are gd friends, and will always be. :)

I admit, i miss trng and playing in a structured manner. Too messy for me, after reaching this level. I wish i'll be back soon. :)

Our Daily Journey: beyond sentimental slogans

Passage on today's Quiet Time.

 Love

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.  11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  13 Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.a Do not be conceited.

 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”b says the Lord.  20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”c

 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Live in harmony with one another? Lol. I try.


According to Scripture, true character is revealed through conflict. “Bless those who persecute you,” the apostle Paul told the Romans (12:14). “Never pay back evil with more evil,” he wrote (v.17). We’re not to take revenge, Paul reminds us, but to conquer evil with good (vv.19-21). 



Oops. True character of mine revealed. Dang!

Ytdy was meeting day and rebuilding of faith again!

Its a break from nyp ulti and yk. You can say hiatus from trng for awhile.

Photos from ytdy.

POD (prayer grp) IC's meeting and area meeting in the morning. Taking time off to celebrate ppl's birthdays

Carpenter's tools, a traveling christian evangelistic band. Didnt know they existed so long ago.

Camp Orion, Start of the journey with YFC, 5 years ago.

1st ever teengames brouchure. Geared to the times, anchored to the rock! YEA!

Breakout meeting in church

Worship

Teen Accountability Group (TAG) bible study

Finally feel refreshed after some time, despite fatigue and lack of sleep. Funny, i actually didnt want to post or talk too much, even on the blog- cause i do talk too much. I realised, i need to learn to be quick to listen, slow to speak. Ive even wanted to start photoblogging- showing photos of what my day has been. But this is important. Important for me to record down the conversations i had with a fellow bro that has encouraged me much and caused me to think alot.


God is faithful. He wil never leave you or forsake you. I think this has been the conclusion i have been gaining from the past 2 months of turmoil. My life has been a mess. And i feel so ashamed of it. Hearing that my mentor has even read this, made me feel even more ashamed. That i have allowed emotions to rule and mess up my life. I feel ashamed that i have strayed away from a focused and determined r/s with God since sch started. Though he has tried to encourage me a few times through His word, i still strayed. I came to a realisation that i am starting to want to remain in this messed up state, just like how it was 2 years ago. The things that come to mind, the thought processes are similar.


Had a good chat with my bro in christ. He was right in pointing out to me that once we were deep in sin, we would want to remain in that state. Sin is always pleasurable. It is always deceitful. Just like thoughts of loneliness. Just like negative thoughts. Just like not prioritising my time. Just like being unable to focus to study for exams, and be distracted, to be down. And bro taught me to learn to try control it so much by my own strength, but learn to pray in a way we often do not realise is impt- to lament to God. To learn to seek God, asking why. There are reasons why God do not curb some sinful habits we may have, despite strongest efforts. In the book of Job, Jeremiah, Psalms, Lamentations, they all lamentated. There is a place for prayer like this that we often neglect, and i must learn to even do so. Hopefully, it'll help.


 My bro, is a lawyer to be. Funny, how our conversation stemmed from him questioning me on how i might oversimplify things of the faith with the things happening around us. It came from the line between law and the faith, which eventually led to how we may be led to not answer others things regarding the faith beyond simply what the bible says. How the church or ppl like us attending church has failed to think or relate things of the faith with this world. It is blind faith. Like worship being a fuzzy, warm feeling, or emotional.


Then we talked abt relationships. I am facing a few friends who are having non christian relationships. And we talked abt it. the immediate verse that came to mind was 2 cor 6: 14-18.



2Cr 6:14-18 NIV - [14] Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? [15] What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." [17] "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." [18] "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."




 Funny, he had to intentionally challenge me about whether im very sure it speaks of being together with an unbeliever. So what does it mean to be with an unbeliever? Does the verse only talk abt  marriage? Means bgr can? Or does it mean we cannot even fellowship or mix with an unbeliever? We all know that the answer to these qn is a resounding no. But, these are things that a non believer will ask and say. And we must be prepared to answer them, and be convicted of it ourselvess. Like how if you're tgt with a non christian, in the verse, God will not  consider you as His children.


Then we shared abt how difficult it is to know, but doing it is a whole diff matter. I struggled with it a few years ago. And now then i realise, its so plain and obvious in the bible, and how was i able to convince myself of otherwise! And he also shared to me abt his fren's struggle, despite knowing that she was sinning against God, and going home everyday but to cry abt her rebellion against God.


Well, some frens, you just have to trust that they'll hear, and that the Holy Spirit will convict them. Some like my good friend, who is a superficial christian, is a diff matter. We were all talking abt helping diff ppl, we have to use diff approaches. Its not going to be easy. Its not so straightforward. Thats with dealing with ppl.


And sometimes, as bro has sad, we must be very careful, to correct out of love, and not to appear like we are on moral high ground. I know i may appear like im being judgemental sometimes. And thats the problem that comes with correcting without reasoning. Just saying that the bible says so wont convince or convict so easily. Bro's emphasis to me is, correct with love. But i am. It is out of concern, it is out of love. I do not want to lose a sis in christ, but im often mistaken. I always want to help, but im often mstaken. I guess i should be more careful to convince, and not correct. I hope they understand.


Another aspect is testimony. What kind of testimony do we show to others when we are in a relationship with a non christian. Our testimony to the friends around us will all go to smoke. How do we explain our faith!


In a bid to be closer to You, its fb hiatus. I need to surrender- surrender technology for awhile. :)


ok im distracted. later.

Pain i shall conquer you

Psa 119:28 NIV - My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

Isa 51:11 NIV - The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Pain i shall conquer you. 

Now STUDY STUDY STUDY!

Die la. Failed 1 prac and then now fail 1 more paper cause i was sick and never go. tmr better not fail! Zz.

Haha. I found out something funny. someone likes "you" too. NAICE. Go take it.

Seems like i always step on someone's toes huh, When will i ever learn.

looks like we'll never really be frens again.

This place has been my emotional dumping ground the past few weeks esp since sch started. Unfortunately, i think it has served the wrong purpose. It has given ppl a wrong impression of me, and i have made myself even more emotional just by always coming back here to complain and rant and what not. In the past it served that purpose, and now the whole reason i started blogging again, was to serve the same purpose. And the reason why i stopped blogging the past year before sch started, was obviously cause i had no emotional burden. But i think this has to stop. I have ti stop being emotional and it starts here. I have done all the drastic measures needed. All i need to do now is tahan for 2 weeks or so. And it'll be all ok again.

A friend whom has been helping with my walk recently gave me another good advice: Its ok to like someone. Its perfectly normal. Its just what you do with that liking. I have been killing myself for liking someone. I need to learn that its ok. I just need to learn to let go, and to be in full control. The diff part comes when you harbour hopes. So dont. Unless that person clearly opens it for you.

It has been so much of a self-inflicted misery. Stupid me.

As a guy, i realised i cannot allow others into my emotions and thoughts. I realise i cannot be soft, and cannot allow others to think im soft. Its a barrier i should not have allowed others into.

People choose others stronger than them. The strong will always seek the stronger. The big will always seek the bigger. Facts of life. Everyone wants security. Everyone wants to lean on someone stronger. no one seeks someone weaker.

Today was nostalgia. Xh, maureen and I were just sitting at amk hub recollecting our childhood: from music (jay chou, wang lee hom, tao ze, she, westlife, s club 7) to cartoons (casper, captain planet, looney tunes, dumb and dumber etc) - it was an exciting journey. Youth is always so pure. Just like how you got to know someone new and the conversations you have. And funny the 1st song i heard (which sparked the topic) from jay chou reminded me of the 1st person ive ever dated. Reminiscence is always nice.



I miss beach. This wasnt beach pickup but i miss it. I think it was waikiki. but I  want to go back soon!

Time for drastic measure 2

He can see and guess and read things well, cause he's the overseer. Im thankful that he understands what is happening, and allows me to do what i need to do. Im shocked he could even tell who. Salute!

It has become a symbol of something. A phenomenon known as symbolic interactionalism. And i have to change that symbol away.

Desperate measure 1 implemented.

Now for desperate measure 2: Project Disappear.

Don't forget to pray! Things may change, God never changes. He is always faithful. :)

 Rejoice In The Lord

God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord
though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song.

Refrain:

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Saviour instead,
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away.  

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

Philippians 4:8 (English Standard Version)

 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I have decided,

to take drastic measure 1.

Why Lord?

I wanted to post this a few days ago, but couldnt find the time to.


Its not cause of what you do or what you're good at. Its cause of who you are and what you're like.


But why do i feel like im still chasing a dream? Like the past? why do i feel like its cause you have some special ability? Just like the last one? It is not! It has nothing to do with that. It is cause of who you are.


Why do i feel like im tortured like 2 years ago? though circumstances are vastly different, what happened 2 years ago sank such a deep cut in me. And why do i feel like you're fast becoming the next!


What happened 2 years ago, cant be described in words. I would think of her like every other day, especially in army.  But things didnt turn out well, and i sank into half a year of depression. It may some lame with my current descriptions, but i just cant give too much detail. Thankfully, i didnt have heavy responsibilities then. I just need to eat sleep and move on to the next day. but it was a horrible half a year. The thing that helped me pick up was serving in ministry again and finding joy in playing bball. i would just pick up my ball and head down to court and shoot, and play. I missed the swoosh feeling. Just played it ytdy which made me miss it alot too. But the last one caused half a year of depression.


I thought it made me stronger. I was wrong. I am wrong. The only reason im not crumbling now its cause i have responsibilities that i cant crumble and i have to fight them. But im now in the torture phase. Why? Why you? Why does it have to be like this? Why do you have to be the next? Why do i have to do the same things again and be emotional again. Why does the ugly side of me have to come out and try to eat me up again?


Why cant i take no for an ans? Why does it torture so much? Im missed church because of this- because i cannot resolve it. Its taking my life away. Im going to fail all my exams- and no one will accept this as an excuse of failing. I cant focus, i cant concentrate. There isnt a single day esp recently that you wont come to mind. Its like a sticker pasted into my brain, and i just cant remove it no more.


Unless....


I take drastic measures....


I am totally at a lost. And i cant handle this anymore.


Why have i been lying to myself? Why Lord have you not answered my prayers? Why Lord have you not helped me forget this? Why Lord, does it hurt so much?