Sometimes i question God, why am i so relational? Why do i love, yet was never loved? When will she come by? It's such a hard struggle.
As someone just left today, i was a little heart stricken by some of her actions. It felt like i should know the answer. Well, thinking about it, I shouldn't expect her to be like my mum, to accept someone younger. I really admire my dad's courage actually. How did he even muster the courage to like, court, and marry someone older. Its mind boggling to me to say the least. But the glad thing i'm learning from this, i'm starting to learn to like someone, more and more for Godly reasons, which is great. But truthfully, i know its too soon. I barely know her. I just want to be friends for a long time to come. I guess friends is good enough and i don't want to spoil a friendship. I guess i need to make back the 1 year pact, of knowing someone for a year first.
But my emotions are very strong and very deceiving creatures. I was just so emotional just now thinking of some the things that happened that i felt so emotional. Plus the bad things that happened earlier, made things worse. I felt like telling her, but didn't have the opportunity.
Love love, i'm always bothered about love. The other thought that came to my mind was, when will i stop being bothered about the cares of this life?
[34] "But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap. - Luk 21:34 ESV
Sian. Oh when will i learn to love God more....
