Gosh. Grandma's around today, and boy in the past year or so it looks like she aged 20 years. I mean she used to be plump with grey hair. But now she's all skinny and white! Face gained 20 years more wrinkle. Haiz. With her condition, im not too surprised, but to see her age like that, its....

I wonder why, it doesnt feel like A's. Or at least doesnt feel like any diff from a sch exam, except at the start where everyone was like jia you jia you gd luck. Lol.

Climbing mount A lvl. Or at least as my friend calls it, fighting the A lvl moster. :-p

Wow post 300.

In case some ppl dont know. My faith's been real bad. Its not a sudden feeling depressed thing. Its been continuing for quite some time. It just piles up and gets worse and worse. For a starter ive not been doing qt since august. On and off like maybe once a week have, but thats abt it. I tend not to think the way i used to think anymore = higher frequency of sinning. Plus this chain reaction coupled with a lack of discipline to study, all causes an emotional breakdown. Not that i like it or want it, but i cant decide what to do at the right time anymore. Even if i do, i cant concentrate, and i'll just end up walking away. I fell that emotionally, i cant pull myself together. I believe it has largely to do with a lack of faith too, due to constant sinning that i cant bring myself to forgive myself for the whole day and wastes off the whole day. Exams start on tues? It feels like just any exam in jc- im prepared, prepared to flunk that is. Im totally not ready for it.
Its a whole life thing. Relationships, family and friends, i wont say its in rocks you know. But i tend to argue so much with family more maybe cause im at home more, and friends well, lets not go there. No my sins didnt start or end with just quarelling. Theres more in between, or rather at both ends. The next step towards this lack of faith is not coming to church. I tell you. For more than 2 years, i have never contemplated not coming to church except due to fatigue, not even sickness. Now week after week im thinking of not coming. If this continues, i think its a matter of fact, sooner or later.

Basically to sum up:
Sinful = lack of faith
lack of discipline = more worries and wont do well for studies
All plus together = messed up emotionally

You may say, aiya now exam period then like that.

I wish it is so, really.

Younha Vol.1.5 - Comet
Release Date: October 23, 2007
Language: Korean
Genre: Pop
Artist: Female

Gosh Younha's new album is out! And i just got it!!! So cool im gonna listen to it!

I love THSK's new single forever love. =)

Why does God have to make me feel this way, throw back things to give hope again which have died for some time.

Why do i have to feel like that initially anyway? I just hate acting distant.

Maybe rather, i hate feeling distant.

I dont know. I am still trying to explain it. Maybe its due to 1 month of almost total silence.

I love this song. this is one of the many beautiful songs younha has in her 1st korean album, which is her latest album, though i knew her from her japanese songs, including a song for the anime series bleach. I kinda like her genre of music. :-p

Younha - Password 486 (romanized + translated + Korean lyrics)

한시간 마다 보고싶다고 감정없이 말하지 말아
Hanshigan mada bogoshipdago gamjungeobshi malhaji mara
Don’t tell me you miss me every hour without any feeling
흔하게 널린 연애지식은 통하지 않아
Heunhage neollin yeonaejishigeun tonghaji anha
I don’t believe such a common statement of love

백번을 넘게 사랑한다고 감동없이 말하지말아
Baekbeoneul neomge saranghandago gamdongeobshi malhajimara
Don’t tell me you love me more than a hundred times without any emotion
잘 잡혀가던 분위기마저 깨 버리잖아
Jal japyeogadeun boonuigimajeo ggae beorijanha
It ruins the mood you created

여자는 생각보다 단순하지 않아
Yeojaneun saeng-gakboda dansoonhaji anha
Women aren’t as simple as you think
행복하게 만드는 방법도 조금씩은 달라
Haengbokhage mandeuneun bangbeobdo jogeumsshigeun dalla
Even the ways to make us happy are a little bit different

하루에 네번 사랑을 말하고
Haru-eh nebeon sarang-eul malhago
Tell me you love me 4 times a day
여덟번 웃고 여섯번의 키스를 해줘
Yeodeolbbeon ootgo yeoseotbeon-eh kiss-reul haejuo
Smile for me 8 times and kiss me 6 times
날 열어주는 단 하나뿐인 비밀번호야
Nal yeoreojooneun dan hanabboonin bimilbeonhoya
There’s only one secret number to open my heart

누구도 알수없게 너만이 나를 가질 수 있도록
Noogoodo also-eobge neomani nareul gajil soo itdorok
So that no one else knows, so that I’ll be yours alone
You are my secret boy boy boy, boy boy boy


아무데서나 나타나지마 항상 놀라지만은 않아
Amoodeseona natanajima hangsang nollajimaneun anha
Don’t show up anywhere. I won’t be surprised
화장기없는 얼굴 보이면 화도 나는걸
Hwajangjieobneun eolgool boimyeon hwado naneungeol
I’ll be angry if you see my unmade face

남자는 여자만큼 섬세하질 않아
Namjaneun yeojamankeum seomsehajil anha
Men aren’t as delicate as women
하고 싶은 데로만 한다면 다 된다고 믿어
Hago shipeun deroman handamyeon da dwendago mideo
You believe that if you do whatever you want, it’ll work out

하루에 네번 사랑을 말하고
여덟번 웃고 여섯번의 키스를 해줘
날 열어주는 단 하나뿐인 비밀번호야

누구도 알수없게 너만이 나를 가질 수 있도록
You are my secret boy boy boy, boy boy boy



어렵다고 포기하지 말아줘
Eoryeobdago pogihaji marajuo
Don’t give up, saying it’s too hard
너 하나만 원하는 날 알아줘
Neo hanaman wonhaneun nal arajuo
Let me know I’m the only one you want
바람둥이 같은 남자들에게
Baramdoongi gateun namjadeurege
여자들은 늘 속곤 하는 걸
Yeojadeureun neul sokgon haneun geol
Women are always fooled by players
날 애태우고 달랠줄 아는 니가 되길 바래
Nal aetae-oogo dallaeljool aneun niga dwegil barae
I want to be worried and for you to comfort me.

하루에 네번 사랑을 말하고
여덟번 웃고 여섯번의 키스를 해줘
날 열어주는 단 하나뿐인 비밀번호야

누구도 알수없게 너만이 나를 가질 수 있도록
You are my secret boy boy boy, boy boy boy
boy boy boy, boy boy boy

credits: KBS World

Things are just not the same

Wonder why i always say that things aint and might not be the same. Its just simply the core group of ppl are just not around anymore. The ppl i grew to love and hand out with are just not around anymore. Thinking of it, I feel despondent. I dont have anything to look forward to anymore, except for this time to end, rather than the things that await. Counting the numbers who have left- 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and counting. Those who are always too busy to be around anymore- 1,2,3,4 and counting. For a group that aint so big, this means that from the old group, 1,2,3,4,5 are the only ones always left around.

No offence to the will be new ones, but i doubt they will be the same as the old ones, simply because they place other things more important than what we do. Im not saying what they do is wrong; im not saying that they must put their core group of relationship with us, but im saying, i doubt they ever will rather spend time with us than their other friends. They will never want to spend time with the group of us like the old group used to. I believe that, hoping that the future new ones will be like the group that has moved on, is wishful thinking. And the group of us, has long disbanded, whether you admit it or not. Maybe i am the one who's not willing to move on, because i grew to long to hang out with this group alot. I wish to replicate the situations as it was 2-4 years ago, but it will never happen.

If you ask me, i would say every other relationship now is on the surface. Its just a seasonal relationship, only when its that time of the year, then we are close. The rest of the time, its not the same. Why is it like that?

I guess rather than complaining and holding onto things that no longer exist, i guess i should move on. I should look forward to the possible new group to hang out with. Elsewhere or not, im not sure either. Wait for things to unfold by itself, and then decide, whether i want to walk away, into greener pastures.

Maybe its not greener though.

Can you guess who im talking about?

Maybe some of you might have heard, that all my relationships with friends everywhere just aint good. Thus, i guess im saying all this in light of it.

Solace comes form bro kevin. Hopefully it lasts bro. Cause every other similar ones never lasted. Dating back to primary sch till now, 1,2,3,4,5,6 dont seem to last when we moved on to another stage in life. All the great times i have spent with them, have all come to nought. Its as if, we were never great friends. Its as if, we move on without bringing the past along.

Its as if, we were never great friends.

And i admit, i didnt try to keep them, when im faced with fresh faces, challenges and busy times.

Hah, my habit of saying depressing things here.

Somethings just isnt the same anymore.

The urge to play is mad. I still play by the way. Haiz.

The time i have left and the amt i need to cover in order to do well is crazier. I really dont know how le.

I have been cham charmed. Too bad you all dont understand what i mean.

Mj National day dance item by dance society

I had great fun yesterday. Stayed in sch for open house cause jamie said she's coming and asked me to show her around, plus i wanted to support my dance friend from mj for her dance performances, at the same time, hope to catch the performances by my former choir. Mj dance is very good lah. Since i came to mj everyone was like mj dance sucks and i agreed initially but i think they're really good now with the new batch. Mj dance are really turning into which into hip hop dancers than anything else, i guess it can make up for their lack of technical ability anyway, cause they can really do hip hop well. I guess its cause they have quite a few hip hop dances. There are only 2 male dancers but they're really good at hip hop! I heard one is trained in hip hop. Lol. Though i would say that even their hip hop moves can be improved, but who am i to comment anyway? :-p Anyway, go and watch the video. This is an old one from national day. Angle is not good, but the songs are similar, especially they have the song from step up, which is the one they did yesterday. That song was stuck in my head last night and i could not sleep because of it despite the fact that i was very exhausted yesterday. Too bad this video does not have the item where my friend does a front flip followed by a 1 HANDED front flip!!! So zai right. =) I am so going to join a hip hop dance group in the future, or so i think i will. :-p I will put up the open house dance videos if they put it up in youtube.

Yesterday didnt start of really well, or enjoyable, but as long as i felt happy going home satisfied achieving the things i came to do and have fun, im very happy. I was the same me walking around with many different clicks, jumping from 1 to another- prob switched more than 10 times with more than 5 clicks, individual clicks included. I always wonder why i do so cause so many are good friends once i see them only then we chat and chat and then dont talk like for the next few months. Lol. Haha. Friendships that i wonder whether will last. Anyway dont care lah i had a great day yesterday so its back to studying. Ive been so slack the past 3 days!!!

Ive been greatly hampered by sin the past weeks. And its a direct result of not doing QT for a month and absolutely minimal prayer. Well, ive been using a lack of QT material, and fatigue as an excuse. "Passion" as a sin has been hampering me the past few days as well. There are actually 2 problems now that i link it with this word. Just a disclaimer: i dont think its the kind of passion i think i would usually be bothered in the past. Ok maybe 1 is not new, but the other is. And i can safely say they're not what you think they may be.

I guess the past 2 years has been not very enjoyable due to a constant feeling of discontentment. I have been unable to feel contented with whatever i have, wherever i am, and i just do whatever that i seem fit, which is not right most of the time. I dislike staying home, i hate com games, but i use it as a release whenever i dont have the opportunity to go out. I love mixing with friends, and i know something has to go, which is playing games, but thats not the case. I guess home is where i sin more than i am out even, which is maybe why i dislike home.

Anyway i really wish i learn to be contented from now on. =)

Oh oops. Another confession, i have cravings for the high life. See the discontentment?

And i am beginning to see the huge importance of earning enough keep for my family. My family is having some family problems with my grandma, and so im very worried and bothered by others unwillingness to part with their money. Gives me alot to think about, and be alot to be motivated about.

I think i would say certain situations has changed unlike before. I dont look at certain things as i would maybe even a couple of a weeks ago. I wont say its for the better , neither is it necessarily for the worst, but i dont want to say much. Cause theres so much i wanna say, but im not willing to tell everyone about it, or anyone for that matter. I guess i am the same, just that more and more things i feel that im bottling up, and i also want to spare you the ambiguity of my writings cause i doubt you'll see it the way i do. i somehow enjoy writing ambiguous stuff that only tell people ambiguously about my thoughts, and i guess maybe i enjoy making people guess too. My dilemma of sharing and not sharing too much.

Anyway time really flies studying. Qt is seriously affected cause i study out late everyday and by the time i came home, im too tired for anything else.

One thing at least i dont mind sharing here, but not the details. I was telling keewen on sun how ce class is beginning to make me uncomfortable. He actually agrees, but ask me to not worry. Who says im worrying? Im unconfortable! Haha.

Im starting to feel that im throwing everything aside and leave certain problems to pile, and when A's end, i feel that i might not be able to get certain things back, or it wont be the same anymore. Everything is starting to feel different these days. Even blogging.

I wonder why.