Things left unspoken would have been better

I guess things left unspoken here would be better. Cause i always have tons of things i went thorugh, that i cant say it here with pure honesty, so i am finding other ways of relief- not here definitely. A private blog is better. I guess after awhile when you have tons you wanna say, after awhile, it just doesnt mean anything, or doesnt matter anymore. I will still blog here lah. Just less.

Well, i feel the gap already, but its ok. Everyone goes through different phases. It's just a fact that i wont be sticking arnd anymore.

Haha. But what a joke. Today's shopping just proved to me where my heart lies. I'm amazed how early i could actually get a present, and how late. Somehow, everyone has a colour. Everyone has a music that ties to them. I guess its the emotions that come with the colour/music.

Being alone and doing things alone has been my staple these days. There's just a quite assurance how faith has fallen and how i'm willing to compromise faith. Don't be too shocked in the near future that a big change has occured in my life, cause i wanted it anyway.

I'm amazed by the amount i waste being alone- doing things that are just pure waste of time. And ive been meeting so many ppl up. Not counting the 2 frens i havent caught up with for a long time! The process even before the meet up's have been very encouraging. Just seem like we're closer even when we weren't even that close in the past.

But i miss JX. Oh well at least cause today is his birthday and somehow i got emotional over the closest fren i have during jc before kevin. My dear classmate whom i always sit next to, the person im always walking around with, talking bout anything under the sun(other than bernard my other classmate and the main class clique), the fren whom has the other bro in our class t shirt(yes, im bro nick and he's bro jx!) But well the thing is that, after we left jc, we never even saw each other, not even results day. And i guess meet up never happened. Just sad when i think of the times of trials we went through together in JC. But i kinda guessed why he might be unhappy with me ba. But oh well.

I'm inspired by a fren to do some photo posts of things colourful and beautiful. its just whether cam can actually produce the effects i want!

This norah jones song is such a chill out song, it reflects my mood/attitude now exactly! Just chilling out and taking life slowly. Heard it from a fren's blog.

I need a change of attitude!

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

The Answer

I believe you are the answer to every tear I’ve cried
I believe that you are with me,
My rising and my light.

Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can’t see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee

That when all my days are over
and all my chores are done,
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where You are.

I hate my life

I hate my life, cause i waste so much time i cant believe it. I made so many bad decisions that reminds me of my old self. I sin so much without remorse. I screw up my clock like morn is night and night is morn.

And i dont give a shit.

Shit i gotta get out from this darn hole i dug and went into again.

Putting An End

Tks for the enlightenment to a dear friend of mine. I cant thank this friend enough. Its not a conclusion, its not definite enlightenment, but maybe as you said i always knew the steps that i should have taken.

Everything should go away, storing them in a thumbrive, keeping all the many tangible things into a box(not like there was many), and remembering in the future this former treasure of my heart. That i really really really really..... That hopefully when it begans ending could be put(hopefully it will be done cause it is not easy). I know its going to be such a difficult process for me. I know its going to be an extremely difficult time of testing and sadness for me. I am really not willing to give this away, this last bit of it. But hopefully God will honour me for what i would hopefully do to seek Him without restraint. To not struggle with what i am struggling, and to be solely His, for now. Hopefully its an end to an obstruction from God, and i could look to Him, wholeheartedly. This is my Isaac, which i lay them down, for the Lord to take away.

Hopefully the dreams & feelings go along too.

Matt 18:7-9
7"Woe to the world fortemptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! 8And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.