“谢谢你成为我身命中的一部分”，可是我知道我不陈是你心中的一部分。I dont understand, but i have peace

I was always bitter with myself and my thoughts. But i guess i said i was bitter with someone else to churn out a response. I dont understand why so angry. I dont understand why so harsh. I dont understand why so many things. But it has come to a point of so what? It doesnt matter anymore.

It started from a home. And it ends, before a home.

Ppl have a tendency to mimic the actions of the ppl they like. Only then i realized, who you mimic.

How surprising what difference 1 post and a few smses would make.

Unlike ytdy, which was a big war of emotions, i felt rather alright today. Kinda makes me think that i never really wanted things for myself. A few posts back, i said this:

I would rather die, than to see you get into harm's way.
I would try my best, to not let you suffer.
I would rather die trying my best, than to see you not grow the way God want's us to be, the Christlikeness that He truly wants.
I'll keep trying my best, the best to my ability.
I would rather die trying to make sure you grow stronger in Him than i can ever want, or better, ever imagined.
I would be even happy, if you could marry someone stronger in Him than I am. It would give me great comfort that you'll be in great hands.
Or not, i'll be dead worried if you did not marry someone strong in Him.
I'll just keep trying, until, i might not be needed.

And i dont think i've changed my opinion. I have always wished the best for you. The best of what God has planned for you. I dont know whether its true, but for me, it seems like its beyond the superficial. I would just do abt anything, so that you wont be uncomfortable seeing me. I guess all these started from my mistake. So, ill make amends.

Its not like ive forgotten. Its not like i stop thinking. but i dont know why. I really feel peaceful. God is at work. All is in God's hands. I always told myself, dont be dissapointed. I was ytdy. It is still tingling inside me. But i guess logic sets in. It makes no sense being sad. A burden is lifted off me. And i can just be me and God again. So nice! :) I suddenly feel like i wanna get down to work again and stop wasting time.

John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Bro said this. "Sometimes christians seem like radioactive waves. Being Alpha, Beta & Gamma particles. You sometimes think that you are moving in the same direction, but when you hit an obstacle, everyone except the ones who are Gamma particles are deflected away. Sometimes ppl may seem fervount in ministry and everything, but they just want to live COMFORTABLE christian lives, They dont wanna take up their cross. They are living for themselves, seeking their own agendas(riches and successes) while telling themselves to seek God. Seeking God for help and strength through life's troubles(which every non christian go through) which they call Trials and Tribulations. But they do not actually live for God, where trial and tribulations are really when life is uncomfortable(evangelism poverty tec.), when life has persecution. The last step is always that step of full time ministry, where you're always doing, God's ministry"

Quite interesting, it would seem. Well, it is just an opinion that i guess we share. But i shall not impose this on anyone, cause without me, God will still help them to realize it, if He wants them to. I guess the thing abt faith, just like abilities and talents, is that it is by natural selection. Some ppl are just born more talented, just like how some ppl are just able to hear and understand when God speaks to them. So i'll leave them to God, cause if God opens their ears/eyes, they would understand if its the truth.

Looking back at old posts, makes me think how childish i was. I was like thats me? I guess even now, a few years down the road, and i would think likewise of now. Haha. An old post quote, from THE BEGINNING(somewhere there):

"i juz still feel tt somethings missing everytime i miss it... lol... like part of week is missing...

im missing... (shhh... :-p)"

Its a good time now to be nostalgic for once. Looking back at the silly things ive done. And its just so enjoyable to look back into DBSK again. Haven really heard them for some time. Listening to my favs are just so nostalgic(cause every song brings a certain feeling and meaning), and nice! I was so caught up that i ALMOST forgotten to stop at the stop i needed to. Lol.

The Top 5 Honour Roll(for older songs):
Always there
Holding Back the Tears
Proud
Hug
Tonight

Nostalgia. But i'm so stuck with Haru Haru these days. Listen to it thousands of times the past few days. Oh i forgotten SM Town 2007 and TPL! Better go listien to it!

I burden down, a few more to go! =)

12. When we promise (Always There...)
translation by: Yoonie (also credit: aheeyah.com)

[Youngwoong]
Block the light
When you leave, it has to be dark

[Yunho]
Cover the sun
When you return, I might look foolish

[Micky]
I sit and think at the place where we made our promise

[Choikang]
Will I be able to share the love I have for you?

*[Xiah]
Even if my mind was erased, I wouldn't forget your face
Your face is clear when I am full of sad memories and tears

[Youngwoong]
Even if I emptied my heart, our memories will still hold its place

[Choikang]
Because I'm so sad, so hurt, you're the only one I can see

*[Yunho]
Even if my mind was erased, I wouldn't forget your face

[Youngwoong]
Your face is clear when I am full of sad memories and tears

[Choikang]
Even if I emptied my heart, our memories will still hold its place

[Micky]
Because I'm so sad, so hurt, you're the only one I can see

01. And…(Holding Back The Tears) (Dong Bang Shin Gi)
translation by: o2_intake (also credit: aheeyah.com)

A picture that gets smeared in white
And my fragrance that seems to have faded away
All get concealed by the glaring cloud

My heart that has no words
Slowly starts to move my feelings
Those times that slipped through
Are in my hands

I'm holding back the tears
I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart
To a place that is neither close nor far
Where a different me stands
I will not cry

I bring my two hands together again
To a place that will hear it
As I live though these unmemorable times

Though it seems stupid, we’re always together
The pain that I want to let go
Dries the tears that flows through my body

I'm living with my tears
I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart
To a place that is neither close nor far
Where a different me stands
I will not cry

I'm holding back the tears
I run adding to the weight of my faith
To a place that is neither high nor low
Where a different me stands again
With a small smile I can laugh

The Greatest Thing

It was The Greatest Thing. But Wake up. Its the end. Its negative. But i will. Rejoice in the Lord. I just dont wish, to lose even the friendship.

O Rejoice In The Lord

God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead,
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I am really not proud of this. I actually really dont want to tell most ppl- call it pride. It is something im really ashamed but i decided that i should not hold onto this pride and rather ppl know of my situation, the things im going through, than to keep them in the dark. But i tell you, im still very ashamed really.( and ppl act like its no big deal or whatsoever. Tsk!

Oh i forgot to mention the photos from the earlier post are from gossip girls! Though i liked the photos, i dont think i will ever start watching it- cause its not the kinda serials i think i'll enjoy.

Have you ever experienced rain, rather than falling close to vertically downwards, to close to vertically horizontal? Those kind where you're clearly under shelter and you're just getting soaking wet? Madness! I was clearly under shelter. Lol. That was the kinda rain i experienced today.

And its so funny. Sometimes i wonder whether this is seriously true. It seems like it, but yet, you know it just crosses my mind sometimes that it is not true- because in the past i thought it was and ppl tell me no it wasnt because i assumed too much and i thought of it the way i wanted to. and even for now it just seems that it can be so even though things has changed. You can say its cause of mixed signals! )): Anyway dont care la trying not to be bothered abt it.

Plus, i cant stop but wonder what I know of ppl is really the true them. Like whether they are sunday/weekends christians who behave like a christian in church but in schs they are really not the kinda person you know. Or maybe the way they interact with ppl outside etc. It just may happen that ppl are not what you think they are? Cause what you read, or hear and see on suns, may not be what you see from outside? Its like ppl may be portraying an image of who they are from the point of interactions/places you find out abt them, or they say what you wanna hear. I dont know. Its quite interesting to think of the possibilities when you dont see certain aspects of ppls life cause then you dont know whether they are the same everywhere. You know its cause it happens to me when ppl see only a certain side of me, but actually thats what i wanna portray. Like my fren heath from BMT saying im such a positive and EMOTIONALLY STABLE person- but thats because i wanted them to encourage them, thus i dont complain that much, thus i seem positive. Emotionally stable, thats because they dont interact with me on certain issues. I guess faith and r/s issues are the things that could really made me down huh. But im glad my fren was encouraged. =)

It seems so formal, the conversations. And it just seems like i cant and dont irritate some ppl. I dont understand why, when i can be such a suaner and lamer sometimes. Haha.

I just dont produce that joyful face unlike someone can do to you, i guess.

2 songs that lead me to make a big decision, and gave me a peace of mind.

This is the prepare song.

Sanctuary
Jaci Velasquez

Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You

It is you, Lord
Who came to save
The heart and soul
Of every man
It is you Lord
who knows my weakness
Who gives me strength,
With thine own hand.

Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and Holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving I'll be a living
Sanctuary for you

Lead Me on Lord
From temptation
Purify me
From within
Fill my heart with
You holy spirit
Take away all my sin

Lord prepare me to ba sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You

The encouragement to do what ive decided. The reminder, of His greatness, whose footsteps i should follow. Once again, i pour out my life.
For You.

Once Again
Matt Redman

Jesus Christ, I think upon Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times I've wondered at Your gift of life
And I'm in that place once again
I'm in that place once again


And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life


Now You are exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow
But for now, I marvel at Your saving grace
And I'm full of praise once again
I'm full of praise once again

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross, my Friend

Training/Preparing Vs Waiting

Everything else can wait. But rather than just waiting an idling around till the time comes, i reminded myself that this period is a period of training, rather than just waiting. I always told myself i look forward to these 2 years as training years- and i have quite forgotten about this already it seems. Being someone who can get quite short sighted, it is so easy to see the immediate and see it as waiting. I should not be waiting for the time to come, i should be preparing! :)

The 2 D's that defines greats, whether spiritual greats or worldly greats- Discipline and determination. And the 1 C- confidence. But for us, its confidence in Him.

I am a very jealous person, which i am working hard to ignore jealous thoughts. Just always being short sighted is bad. I found out why from a newspaper article actually! Haha. The only hint i'm giving is this article has something to do with french president Bruni-Sarkozy. :-p

I should really tell myself to stop being vain- which is probably the reason why i've been gyming for almost 2 months, twice a week!Iit was actually to play better in sports, but oh well- at least i have the magical no 6!(ok this is bad)

Its so hard that my love language is quality time(spending time with someone, even better if its with them being physically around) and i have to constantly suppress it. This is what you call a high maintenance love lang, and its naturally tough to say you dont need your needs to be met/ dont need to be loved(having quality time with ppl you want to be with).

Why Can't Life Be Like This?

Why cant life be like this?


Where we can all goof off..


Cuddle up with each other


Look un-glam without criticism


And enjoy the company we have..

All these quotes are and pics are koped from my friend jeremy.

I wish my life was like that. Well maybe minus the cuddling, but well its to mean having the company that is just like that! Friends you can always do nonsense together! But i guess its not me huh. I guess its when you always desired something- having inordinate desires as i learnt from church camp, that God will take away these things that you want most. I have been seeking these things all my life, pleasures from going out, play, and companionship, that i guess is my bane. But good, take these away, better than others- which i better make sure i dont commit the same mistake again! Putting God 1st can always be such a struggle when you're so conscious of it.

Its so interesting to read and hear abt striving goals and seeking results. But i agree with Ben. It is the process, really not the result. I am amazed to realize my misconceptions of doing my best. Ben clearly shows it to me, striving for 100% correct while studying and striving to be able to get the questions 100% right. Then the line is drawn- whatever actually comes out of tests doesnt matter already. To God good results are filthy rags, not worth anything. He wants us to glorify Him through our faithfulness! Its the faithfulness in working hard, all the discipline and determination to do your best for His glory and not results. But i guess its also human to be dissapointed when not meeting your expectations. But it always should be His expectations of us, not ours on ourselves. Something i always fail too.

Its interesting to hear from this writer from a book i've been reading. It just all seem clear that its not simply just the study of His word, but also the r/s with Him. After that comes distinguishing yourselves. Are we able to distinguish ourselves diffrent from others? It is clear from the new testament that we need to be easily distinguishable due to our faith. Are we living life just like any other? Other than going to church, maybe spending abit more time with extra church activities, maybe they know that we spend time reading the bible everyday, but other than that, pretty much the same? Scary it is, to me.

I have made the decision already. Finally i am able to say i am willing to make this decision and face my greatest fears and my greatest demons. I started to realize ytdy that i am not willing to make decision cause its my greatest fears, but i asked myself, do i have enough faith to suffer through this trial, again?

I realized yes, i have to do it. Its a fight to make things right. Its a fight of faith. Its a fight to trust. Its a fight against fear. I will only start making this decision clear after i finished preparing somethings, then i will start asking ppl for help. This is probably one of the hardest decision in my life so far. Put away all pride, put away everything. Face all these problems with God. :)

But at least, there is so many reasons to be happy these days, despite constant dissapointments! :-p

That Joyful Face

i kinda drawed parallels of todays lesson learnt to this korean tv serial on channel U, at 10pm. There was this girl who told this guy(whom doesnt realize he likes this girl yet) that she will dissapear the next day without saying a word if she recovers her memories(obviously she has lost it). The next day, he searched the whole hse and she's nt arnd. He sees 1 more possible evidence to prove that she left, and concludes so- only to feel stupid after that, but simply because he cared and worried too much, that his judgement was skewed, and when he usually never make such a bad judgement when faced with the same situation but diff ppl.

From the things that happened today, i can see that i make too much assumptions, and i see no difference. I only thought there was a difference.

This story is rather interestin. Am still trying to comprehend this. "Some ppl" is just so confusing.

That Joyful Face
Some ppl gives joyful faces seeing others joke.
But some ppl have never received such joyful faces before.
Some ppl seem happy disturbing/hitting each other.
But some ppl never had an exchange before.
Some ppl you dont want to play a fool with.
And thus, some ppl dont ever see that same joyful face.

Some ppl you always irritate.
But some ppl, never receives such irritation.
Some ppl wants to make you happier.
But some ppl, seems happier being irritated than anything else.
Some ppl only gets serious or smilling faces.
But yet, why does others get some ppl's joyful face, while not I?

(Joyful face: eyes wide open, a big smile, and a whole face telling a story of joy.)

Accidentally In Love

I miss mass dances, like all the practice while being ogl! Just dancing and dancing. Plain tiring tiring but fun times. but this song was always quite bad, cause its a couple dance song! All of us are always too shy to dance with others, especially since our class has like twice as many ogl's as girls have, so during prac half of us have toa lways find partners. A few times us guys never really finds partners and we always really dance within ourselves guys. I cant remember who i ever did danced with. Haha. I remember once we guys even cr8ed our own dance and we danced holding hands in a circle(though if i wasnt wrong, there was a girl too within this circle!) Great to make a few friends whom though i stopped talking to, was always a great experience. My fun fun juniors, and talking to Wan Ting abt dance was quite cool! Always was impressed she could do a 1 hand flip(of course all the splits are normal dance business)! Hopefully will see her dancing somewhere again.

But for now, for a totally different reason, i'm gonna sit back and soak in the song and the wonderful lyrics!

Accidentally In Love
Counting Crows

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love [x7]

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally [x2]

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

Rambles

This weekend very dissapointing luh. Sat was one, plus sickness. Zz. Sun pigged in church waiting for something to happen, shld have just done some work luh.

This week is hopefully exciting yea! At least occupied luh. Tmr meet up with some exco ppl for some informal dinner. Wed night at Rui's hse NISSing and guitaring. Thurs hopefully can go k pop dance class. Fri as usual music min. Occupied week! Woohoo! Quick sickness quick recover. Gotta work tmr!

Both Elder Vincent and Kenn had the same msg on sun- What is your priority? Are you faithful? Cannot forget abt priority while doing work! Lots to work on, i think for me can skip the thinking part le. Lol. And i better stop thinking whether others do it. DO IT YOURSELF!

Oh and alot of things hae been in my head recently, i always think of one useless thing that has no point thinking abt, and the other, not committing to in prayer. I need to PRAY!

Cause doors are closed for me. I need alot of faith!

Truth is, i like social activities, am "sociable", but dont really make an effort to talk to all of my gd frens. I always never check up on them, which require so much effort and i dont. And sometimes i make too many good friends- like good frens over the years, for a few months and then poof! The list is too long i dont even want to list them- prob list them before, and all individual. All my cliques has been lost!

Aunty serene says i have changed after joining army. I hope so. Cause i'm sad alot of ppl changed after army. Qiang is so diff now that makes me really so sad. He doesnt think so, but im just really sad abt it.

Life's been plain boring and stressless/unpurposeful, but who cares. I have so much family time i wld never have after these 2 years. Am just so happy to be talking with mum so so much. Helping her with teaching, helping sis with hw, and just doing something plain little like buying her those colourful little biscuits, you know those look like ice cream with many colours- imagined it wld make her happy while studying and it turns out, she wanted to buy not long ago and mum didnt allow her when grocering!

Being happy in the little things. :)

i love talking- simple plain happiness. :)

Kevin's Response

"yeap, and i think i also must publically praise my closest brother in Christ - nicholas. Seriously bro, I haven’t come across a friend who understands me as well as you did. though our encounter was really a brief and sudden one, I believe that it was God who brought the together this friendship. Really sorry that in terms of my speech and things, I haven been able to publically appraise you in words or in speech. It is my prayer for success for you brother in the journey ahead, and i pray that God will always put in your heart, a burden for this friendship "


A touching paragraph my dear bro, kevin wrote abt me on his blog. Sorry his blog is personal, so i dont think he wants others reading his blog post. But i'm so touched by my dear bro. But a burden? You gotta be kiddin me. Lol. =)

"oh and thanks nic. you know when i told u about ____ wishing me happy birthday, and you said ” so what? ” , wah, it really reminded me of the things that are going on in my heart. thanks bro! "

You know what, it was just a reflex response, i think i even have to learn from it la. Haha. You know how i didnt even realized i said something like that to you and i dont say that to myself. Haha. More like i should remind myself like that too.

Added a new tagboard, a cleaner one as compared to my old one, for those short commentors, and removed comments moderation. Blogger comments are very bleah. But pls use comments if you can. I removed tagboard for a reason, but blogger comments are just irritating.

Lets just hope it is not what i think it is. I have a hunch that is a tad negative, but the possibilities are aplenty, so i'll stop guessing, cause its in His hands. As always.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

Rather than relying on others advise, pray, and let God speak, or rather, heed His whispers in His still small voice.

Better get done to working. It takes so much discipline to do stuff which has to be done but just seems quite unimportant at the moment, but it actually is impt!

Tks to Ben for throwing me another work- i have to come up with a testimonial for camp echo this sat too! Sheesh. Throw to the free guy right? Lol.

Since my office desk is a secret(no photos can be taken of it), i shall keep mum of the photos that i put on my desk that i see everyday. I dont stare at them, its just nice to see them at MY desk, and that i can see these ppl everyday at work! :)

Kevin we never took a photo together! *grins*

weekdays, as usual, seem so dead again. And i hate feeling lazy, like i'm not being productive, and not spending time wisely. There's always this me telling me to get work done. But the prob is, i grew up cultivating a far from efficient attitude! I hate it that i can be quite slow in doing work compared to most ppl!

And i hate thinking too much sometimes. Cause i'll think of too many useless things and what if/possibly will happen things. Sometimes thinking can be plain useful for reflections. Sometimes, i rather i dont think of them!

Who says i dont have a long weekend? I have next Mon off! Just like schooling! Prob is, unlike when schooling where everyone is free, frens are mostly not! What am i gonna do on a free mon? Hmmn.

My Love will get You Home

Yea, only His love can get me to my true Home! :)

My Love will get You Home
Christine Glass

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

Busy, but fruitful week! :)

This has been a rather fruitful week! Mon was the only free day i guess. Tuesday to Thursday attended talks by Prof. Donald A. Carson. He is a wonderful speaker i tell you! I learned alot, and not only on the understanding of scriptures, but personal applications too! I learned some things, that is quite perspective changing. Something about Jesus's death changing the way we view, and act in certain things. I dont know it changed mine! But not in the state of mind to talk about these things now! After "birthday celebrrations" for Rui last night, went to his night to play overnight! So mind is like abit half dead, even though i'm sure ive already slept 7hrs throughout the day!

Oops i was late for today's prize presentation at my ex JC! I didnt realize i didnt read what time is the rehersals and only made it for the actual event. So sad thing is, never received prize on stage. Its alright, not impt! :-p Being back to sch was somewhat nostalgic. No matter how much i hated my JC, its just nostalgic walking past all the places that i once walked so often that seemed like yesterday. Kevin and I intentionally walked through all the places that we studied/mugged before in sch and its so nostalgic! from his classrooms to mine, to the corridors behind the LT's, the library, and the mugging room which i quite enjoyed (formerly art and craft room turned studying room)!!! we were also talking abt the uncle whom we met who always chased us out of the classrooms mugging late in sch everyday! And oh how the sch has changed! Now the sch has artificial soccer pitch, just finished rock climbing wall(i think just finished this week) and a garden with seats and swings, formerly an empty grass patch right smack in the middle of all the surrounding classrooms and LT's! It's really a love-hate relationship, but im just glad its over now and im moving on.

I'm just contented to know. Nothing to brood about, was happy for a moment, but just contented to know, and i'm moving on, in preparation for the times that are to come. :)

My other big problem, my mum has told me to conveniently put aside for now. Haha. So i'm also trying not to get stressed by this problem too! :) What problem? I told you, i'm not saying it here at least!

About my closest Brother, Kevin

I really love talking to Kevin! Haha. Really cannot find another close fren/bud/brother like him anywhere. I met him coincidentally at an inter house badminton trials when we were year 1 (it was during this time too, i saw the event banner and i was telling hey this time was when we met 2 years ago), then we got each other's contact cause i wanted to start a prayer group after knowing he's a christian. But we weren't close until near A's, when we were year 2. I was looking for a study buddy and he was just the right one who studies in sch everyday, so i sticked with him. And we stuck through thick and thin studying together, at the same time finding out how much we are alike in thinkings, with similar convictions, values, opinions, and just being open to each other about our problems.

Maybe due to the fact that we are not in similar groups of frens, cliques, like church and sch or never worked together? I dont know. Somehow i feel like i can tell him everything without withholding and him too. Somehow we are very accepting of each others flaws and differences. So what if he's from a charismatic church? I attended his church so many times( now that i mentioned it, he never did attend mine. Not fair Kevin!) And btw, even though our convictions and values are similar, he only started to attend church when he started going to JC! Praise the Lord that he is always someone that encourages me, especially in faith! He is always someone i admired for being fervount in spiritual disciplines. He is someone who can do QT everyday, even in army! Always my role model in this! =)

And everytime we meet up these days we always find that time is too short! We can spend like 3 hours talking like last sat and still say that everytime we meet up its so rush, like we have too many things to tell each other, rushing through the many things we wanna say! And we meet up every 2 months! Hello??!! Haha. Its good that i met him last week, met him today, and will be meeting him sometime very soon! He is a brother that i wish we would last forever being close at this temporary time on earth! :)

Confirmations

Can finally post this without fear that i most definitely made a mistake. Wrote this a few days ago.

Other than confirmations, there wasn't anything to be happy about. The emotions i felt initially was surprising. I was merely glad for a moment, and then its just like that lor. Something i REALLY wanted to hear since half a year ago came true, quite suddenly. But truth is, nothing has really changed anyway. Well, at least its a HINT of "hope" for 1 and a half years more, when i'm almost done serving national service right?

Looking back, I wonder why did i want confirmations SO BAD in the 1st place. But its true that nothing should progress now other than confirmations!

By the way, putting things on hold, were convictions i had, since half a year ago too. :-p You have no idea how much i have thought through so many of these issues.