Angsty, NOT

found: a bundle of angst on tumblr. 
"I’m not going to spend my life chasing people. You want to leave? Fine then, go ahead. Because I’m done with chasing and caring for people who never had interest in me. Nothing last and people change. I’ve learned love is hard and life is strange."


Feel like saying this you know. But i guess, this is not me. I'm never an angsty person. Its just sometimes I dont know how to handle certain situations. I rarely flare, but i guess the times i flare are the times when ppl mean the most.


I really regretted the way i reacted to certain situations these period of time. I knew i shouldnt have done this, shouldnt have done that, did things so untypical of me. I realised ive been blaming my emotions, but im the controller of my emotions, no? I should control it, not the other way around. But oh well. No point crying over spilled milk right? If its done its done. Just have to learn, to reflect, and to stand up and walk on. Because i believe in the sovereign will of God and that there is a reason for everything He allows to happen. :)


But yea. I just hope to make my birthday wish right abt now...


2 impt updates that i didnt mention earlier. I will probably consider staying 4 years in NYP!!! HAHAHA! To join PT luh.


and no 2, im moving hse!!! Hse sold le!!!! Where to... Hmmn....


Some song on my playlist that i found meaningfully describing me.


Whatever You're Doing
Sanctus Real
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZayut9i45M


It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

And this is my bundle of Joy! Read this on youtube.

"I' am a former Muslim and dicovered Christ. The love I have for Jesus is unconditional. As a muslim they believe Jesus was a prophet & except his mriaculous birth. They don't believe he is God. Why believe part of the story and reject the ending? Why even put Jesus in Quran if it will creat debates? They say discover Jesus in the Quran, well I did and Im loving it.
All Praises be To Our God, our Elohim, Christ Almighty. In Jesus' I remain, Amen."

Mar 12:30-31 NIV - [30] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' [31] The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

I guess i have been selfish. I'd rather you'd be happy than i am really.

Answers, and tears to a lost friendship

I'm shell shocked i actually teared for a fren. But i guess its just cause losing a close fren is somewhat like a gf/bf. You share (or at least you think you share)  a close r/s, and when its broken, esp in argument, you would be overcome by emotions. Then you want to release all the emotions at 1 go. This fren means alot to me, funny thing is, its a 1 sided thing? Funny to use words like that to describe a friendship. Since i teared, it just shows how much even just the close r/s mean to me. But somehow i feel happy. Im happy this coincides with getting answers from all my other problems. This happen to be the last of it. Im happy that it releases me from the bondage of anger, or whatever else. I actually feel that i am at peace finally now. After this session of tearing, hopefully, i can finally move on with life. Though it wont be easy, as I will see her so often. I would keep feel like talking to her. But maybe after a while, I'll get used to it.

I thank God for the answers He gave me to my questions the past few days. i asked for it and He gave it to me. I asked for the answer to my hearts desire. Listening to all the talk abt sacrifices to play Ultimate, i somehow feel nonchalent- they sacrifice so much for a perishable wreath, but then is it worth it? How abt the unperishable one? For me, knowing that there is an unperishable wreath we should be striving for, it seems foolish even to sacrifice so much for a moment of glory. It seems foolish really. That being said, i think it all the more strengthens my desire to be focused in my goals in ultimate. To not forget the reason im there. To not forget what im striving for. I find it regrettable that i had the opportunity on the livejournal, but i didnt use it. Its a lesson learnt, and i pray that God would open many more opportunites for the work that im doing.

Hopefully, this closes a chapter of all my recent problems. I shant talk abt my other problems here. IT HAS ENDED anyway. Everyone and everything gave me an ans at abt the same time. Through all this, esp today, i realise that, I can only turn to God for my problems, i can only turn to Him, and when i turn to him, he gives peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding.

Im sorry Krist. For causing you to stumble, for making you angry. Just as how you couldnt see things from my shoes, i couldnt see yours. As much as i would love to be your good friend,i guess you dont view it this way,and after what happened, i guess we will never be. I remember how you perked me up when i was down. I stll keep your note in my wallet. Your non stop cheerfulness was a great encouragement to me and your annoyance only serves to brighten the day. But i still have hope, hope in the eternal r/s we will share with Christ. I pray that then, we can all share a close r/s, with everyone else with us for that matter. Oh and last, i pray that one day, you will see the value of  "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field- Luke 10:2" and "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here [am] I; send me.-Isa 6:8). I pray that you will be one of the workers of the harvest. I still wish or our friendship will be salvaged.



Isa 9:6 NIV - [6] For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.


Isa 52:7 NIV - [7] How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

2Cr 13:11 NIV - [11] Finally, brothers, good-by. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

1Cr 14:33 NIV - [33] For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. 

2Ti 2:22-26 NIV - [22] Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. [23] Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. [24] And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. [25] Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, [26] and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.


Rom 15:13 NIV - [13] May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


Phl 4:7 NIV - [7] And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Im quite fed up with mind games going arnd. Call me sensitive but, I even have friendship problems, not to mention other problems. Its like ugh. I want to keep things simple. why arent things simple? I thought friendship is simplest?

Need to pray hard hard abt my problems.

Throughing feelings out of the window.... Cause YOU SUCK!

Funny how easy it is to throw everything out of the window. I dont know how i did it, but i just threw all the friendships and whatever that comes with it that i dont feel like caring anymore. Well, maybe somethings are just hurtful and you just feel like why should i even care or bother talking to that person anymore. Sheesh.

Oh i just remembered from the bible that i need to forgive- but maybe for me, forgiving is not the issue/root of the problem. I better know what im doing, but i got to stop being unhappy.

1 more thing....

Yea i know. I suck. Kinda know my value le. Even girls can take my place/ do what im good at. So ive no value anymore.

I should stop emoing and wake up from my slumber. But give me a few days, Until i get over somethings. I need a few days. Then ill forget it and stop emoing. Quick quick i have had ENOUGH of this. Just want to get over it.

Feels Like.....

Feels Like I must change this, somehow, somway.



Feels like i am speaking to 2 diff people. I dont know you.

Feels like a passing wind. All fake and unreal. All gone like the wind.

Feels like.... I just wanna lie in the fields, and stare at the sky. And let the overwhelming feelings, pass away.

Holding Hands

On the way home from my 21st Birthday dinner with my family, I just felt like holding someones hand.


 I turned to my mum, and held her hand, feeling just like how a kid would want to hold his mother's hand.


Wish i can hold her hands forever.


On a side note, I never liked holding my mums hand when i was young. HAHA!!! :-p


I always shrugged it off and ran away. I guess as you grow older, you tend to cherish it more. :)


Unfortunately, i cant find the picture i had in mind for weeks now. Oh wells. 

你要的爱

你要的爱
戴佩妮

虽然经常梦见你
还是毫无头绪
外面正在下着雨
今天是星期几
but i don`t know 
你去那里
虽然不曾怀疑你
还是忐忑不定
谁是你的那个唯一
原谅我怀疑自己
我明白
我要的爱
会把我宠坏
像一个小孩
只懂在你怀里坏
你要的爱
不只是依赖
要像个大男孩
风吹又日晒
生活自由自在