Grr. Im angry with myself, for many many reasons, until i got so fed up with myself. Especially today's one.

I keep having ill feelings on this really i need advise on it! I think its not the God reasons i think it might be, but rather my own sinful nature! I better stop it cause im not comfortable everytime i read it recently. Maybe i should test 1 or 2 more times then i see whether i really feel uncomfortable with it or isit just a coincidence that i felt uncomfortable. This is scary! I better not use God's name in vain and claim it might be something from Him. Maybe it might even be from the opposing camp!!!

OK im uncomfortable and scared now.

Again, God made me realize my worries are dumbfounded and misplaced. He proved to me its not a worry and its not an issue again.

Yet again. =)

Glad and its back to studying for me. =D

Thanks adrian and ben for the monitor and tricia qiang and joash for the movie yest! Its quite good though i dont really like the initial parts of it! Its quite cool lah. Thanks for all the fun and fellowship together. Thanks qianf for all the food and tricia for organising it!

Yesterday's MRI scan was quite scary and also problamatic. I went there very early but could not talk to reception cause someone was complaining he was very unhappy cause hes a few hundred dollars overcharged, then found out later i forget to brink an impt doc and created alot of problems. MRI for back is an interesting experience. I was put in capsule like thing for 20 min! Worse is i cant move! im quite a hyperactive person i think. I can keep still but felt very uncomfortable staying still. Inside is quite noisy- construction noises as they will describe it though i still managed to sleep through it. Haha. 20 min leh!

Haha. God was making fun of me yesterday. The sequence of event was quite laughable. I dont wanna say what lah but its like God was making fun or poking fun of me but its ok. :-p It didnt make me unhappy with Him lah. i'm just saying hes like playing with me haha. :-p I think God likes to disturb ppl too.(just joking obviously if you didnt realize :-p)

This time in my life is probably the hardest ever, but yea in somethings it is also the happiest. =)

Though somethings i just cannot fathom and accept. Its playing in my mind and its becoming a big concern to me. Haiz. I simply dislike. Haiz.

I still love proud alot. Love listening to it everytime i open my blog. But i guess its time for a change. I'll leave proud here. Hope you all will like the new song a very joyous and happy song, Let's go on a trip/vacation by sm town. Got 1 period i would watch the mv like everyday can. Brings alot of joy to me. =)

The "Bedazzle" post. :-p

Sometimes i bedazzle even myself. Im surprised how i become a fan of DBSK. I just bought a poster(i only have 1 poster of slamdunk at home btw) and 2 keychains. Lol. The thing that bedazzles me is that i somehow used to dislike fans, and i sortof became 1 myself. I used to as i dont like fans for certain reasons i dont remember why, and nowadays i still feel that way. I just suddenly felt weird just now seeing some things, to the point that i wish to talk about it here. I have a few theories on the reason behind it, but my point is, i think i dislike fans or being a fan and i maybe i subconsciously still do, but i dont remember why. I suddenly felt a bout(dont mind me i dont know what word to use) of unhappiness just now, with certain thoughts coming to my mind, and i was, why do i feel this way? Lol.

Anyway i felt very happy after buying the stuffs. Haha. Retail therapy. Havent bought stuff for some time. Though 1 of the keychains i have no use of. Hmm. What should i do with it? :-p

Oh ya, the reason i wanted to post was more of something that happened yesterday. I know its another feeling again, but these 2 are really bedazzling feelings that i want to let out. Yesterday morning, that feeling was more bedazzling, and that feeling actually enlightened me that i might have an ulterior motive in wanting something to happen. Again, cause its big enough as i felt my feelings crashing, like the suddenly feeling of sianness. The ulterior motive, behind why i felt that way, is why im writing here and am worried about. Those feelings went away after 5 min. I'M NOT WEAK OK? :-p Anyway,im just concerned of the reasons behind these feelings. Sorry i'm ambiguous on the things that really happened. I guess im not comfortable saying it here. Cause they are really private. I do have really private moments i dont really wish to share ok? :-p Especially since they involve my weaknesses i guess. But yea i got to let it though somehow thats why im here ranting. OK. I'm going to pray about it. Ja Na~ =)

Hmm. It doesn't really bother me, but i would say it will probably leave quite a lasting image in my mind that i cant forget for some time. Yea i can still remember some very vivid images of similar experiences.

Thoughts are just flashing through my head again, making me fear for nothing. I guess this weekend i had alot of fun that my mind was switched from almost study channel and now back to slacker channel again. Zz. Old thoughts and fears are just flashing at me again. But of course its not as bad as the past and im trying to ensure study is fully going again.

I love tuition. Well maybe cause its given to me freely by fellow brothers in christ, but really, i think and remember i learn so much from it. Thats why i could do well for o's. Or not i would be lost. I guess i always need someone to point me directions constantly.

Not good.

But yea hopefully from now on studies will improve exponentially. But i like what keewen prayed for me on sun.

" Pray that nick will work his best for the glory of God, despite the results" Yea, just gonna give my best man. =)

Thinking of things the way i want it to.

Maybe i should watch the way talk?

I dunno. This came to mind because i made 2 ppl cry today. Who's the other? My sis lah. i was trying to teach my youngest sister something but was quite irritated by my other sister and maybe my tone was bad. She cried just like that. Sometimes i guess i'm not very careful with my tone. My friend was saying i got aggitated when i talk sometimes when i was defending somethings in a discussion but i wasn't unhappy or anything. I'm just trying to explain my stand. Ppl say me and another friend of mine(which i shall not name) always argue very heatedly, but i was like no i'm not argueing heatedly. Lol. Haiz. Making people cry is scary. Twice in a day is !!!

I'm starting to think i learn alot from ce. Maybe its keewen. :-p I think i learn 3 inportant things today. I shall say 1 only cause i'm pressed for time. OK 2.

First is, when kiwi brought us to walk to pasir ris park, asking us to pray for the things that we see. I used to do something similar when i am traveling alone with nothing to do. Nowadays i spend my free time while traveling listening to mp3 so i don't do it anymore. Then when we stopped, he told us something. Don't you all think that we are too comfortable in our own thoughts, in the things we need to do? Don't you think we tend to think of things the way we want to think of? That we're so absorbed in doing things, that we're not very observant of our surroundings? I think i always make these mistakes, of being too comfortable in my thoughts, and thinking of things the way i want to. A good example is from yesterday, when a friend walked past me when i waved to her when she's barely half a metre away! Talk about being focused in the thing she wanted to do! But what i mean is more about thinking things the way we want to think lah. Lol.

This links to the next thing i learnt. Keewen was sharing on how he is making a major decision now and how easy he would use his own rational rather than commit it to God. Then i was thinking, yea. Me too. I think i always tend to make decisions or to think so much with my own rational. I was sharing with him on how i tend to think of things a major decision in my life without ever committing it to God or really praying to God about it. I only commit certain things to God but i just realized i don't do it for everything! Talk about seeing things the way you want it to. Zz.

[MV] SM Town Summer 2007 - Let's go on a trip

let's go on a trip Live Performance


Don't know about you all, but i found the Let's go on a trip mv an awfully nice video. It never fails to make me cheerful. The song is cheerful, but the mv makes the song so much more fun. I like it alot. Sorry i don't like to put up videos on my blog cause it is too small to be viewed. Watch it if you all have time. Enjoy. =)

Luk 12:34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Luke 12:31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Luk 12:32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
Luk 12:33 Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth.
Luk 12:34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.


Yea. This is the thing that Ive forgotten. My main topic is Luke 12:34 "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Just wanted to share somethings i learned on sunday that struck me quite abit. We discussed on where your treasure is, or where you spend your time, energy, thoughts in, it shows where your thoughts and loyalties lie. It does work the other way: where your heart is, your treasure is also. I had problems differentiating between the 2, but its diff. Jesus wants us to realize, it is where we spend this time/money/energy/thought, that it shows our heart. We often do not see it this way, but it is how things are. Though its not something new, at least to me, it just struck me through all the discussions, how we channel our time and thoughts, just shows alot about our heart.


Time you could argue, i could argue, that we cant possibly spend alot of time reading the bible and stuff like that. I mean we all are so busy right? Studies, work. That is true. But it just pricks me how easily i can dont do qt still. No matter how many times it struck me. I still think i dont pray and do qt enough.


That being said, we could still spend alot of time for God. How, by thinking of Him constantly within our thoughts. In each and every action that we do, seek to glorify Him. Through this, no matter what we are doing, no matter studying eating, having fun, we all could do it for Him. This could truly help us to put God as our treasure, and thus, give Him our heart. Its so important. Its all that we should do, and if we could realize, that keeping Him in all thoughts and actions(most at least), trying to glorify Him at the same time, helps us to put Him as our heart's desire.


The earlier verse in Luke 12:31 says this to comfort us for all that we should be doing "But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you." This is my most favourite verse, like i last mentioned. It really reminds me to do our all, our everything, for God. Furthermore, God comforts us, and everything shall be added unto you. With God as our primary objective, everything we need(i cant emphasize enough its need and not want), God will provide. How much we worry, God says, cast all your burdens on Him. Be anxious for nothing. God will be with us through all of it. It is just a major summary for me, a verse that encompasses everything that we need to do. Seek God in everything we do. And then he comforts us. Yeah.


Well I'm saying this also because i know how hard it is. I constantly try to think of God as much as possible daily. To glorify Him in every word, deed and action. And i cant reiterate how much i have failed. Not to mention i don't even spend that little time to do qt and pray much daily. And i cant even remember Him for the most part of the day, or at least how much i fail to keep trying to put Him in my mind. I can't say how much ive been in spiritual low for some 2 years already except for some part of this year, then it went down again.


I also cant reiterate how ive been spending my thoughts wrongly on. Yea, maybe sunday did have a direct impact. This week felt different, i stopped thinking about certain things. It just stopped being in my mind. Its great, but i think its partially cause im distracted by other "things". :-p Anyway, its a good change anyway, but im still not putting God in most of my thoughts. =(


I like sharing about things i learn. I like sharing learnings. Just like i like teaching people things that i understand, even studies!!! It just feels great to teach people to me. Maybe its a spiritual gift. I don't know, but i just like it. =) I guess the last spiritual gift test made alot of sense to me. And it really reflects me. I have so much insights, i like to teach others, but i dont have wisdom. And i am a failed son of God cause i constantly sin so much. To some of you, you might think otherwise, but i really even question the reality of my faith. Whether i truly have faith. Cause i sin so much, sometimes even when i know its wrong, its sin, and i go ahead. Whats knowledge without wisdom? Whats knowledge without applying it? A mere fake christian, or hypocrite. I think i am too.


I'm not saying knowledge is a bad thing. I cant thank God enough for it(if i really do have knowledge as a spiritual gift lah). Even when i was evangelizing to my good friend, i was telling him, how much i wish he could realize it like i do, about the infallability of God and christ. Again, that being said, sometimes im still too stubborn. My friend just now was advising me on a matter that i do not wish to say. I guess to most people, i am making the wrong decisions, well at least for this one, im still sticking to what im going to do. But i cant reiterate how much i am stubborn to learn and realize my mistakes ad flaws in my beliefs on whats right too, even when alot of people is telling me otherwise.


Woah. My blog is so wordy. Cant stand it. :-p but sorry im not a photo happy kinda guy. I like ranting(in case you didnt notice). I dont really like taking photos, but its so sian and then so wordy some more. Lol.


Hmm. Yea. Thats enough lah. I've said all i wanted to say. Ranted all i need to tell you all. Hope you all can truly do what i said. I fail to do it, i think we all might not be able to do it well. But God sees the heart, and definitely he wants us to try our best bah. So strive on fellow bros and sis, to seek God in everything we do. =)

Everytime during the day, i feel like i have plenty to say here. Everytime im somewhere here(com), im tired and i dont remember a thing. Well, im been updating regularly so its ok. =)

Playing catch up with quite a few friends /acquaintances these days. Not bad.

Hopefully im friendship is the same again. Seems so though. =)

Life can seem so dull, and so stressful, but if you just stop thinking of it this way, and look at the flip side, its not so bad. Though these days its so easy for me to think so. I can feel so stressed, but sometimes its just the mind making everything seem worse.

Oh right, i remember, ok next time. Better remind myself. Gtg. :-p

Haiz. I'm super saded. Was supposed to go and watch movie today. Then mum don't allow. Wah super sian can. The moment i thought of all my efforts going down the drain, the hrs we spent disturbing ppl asking them to go. It was so tough to swallow it down. Lucky for me, i did not take the usual step of just leaving house. The thing that struck me most is how serious a sin is. That is i guess the sole reason i was struggling like mad with myself. Yesterday was supposed to go parkway to eat le. Mum said no already yesterday. Its like double blow can. Yesterday was tough enough, was a somewhat unusual thing of me to do. TO do it again today is. Fighting against my personal weakness is so hard can. To do it twice in 2 days is. Not me. I'm like 18 lah but as long as your mum said no and no matter how old you are if they say no means its a sin. At least i thank God that i didn't sin. That was really the thing that kept me not going, and certain other thoughts helped. But its grr. :-(

At least yesterday was cause we had "family time" anyway. And yea was supplemented by "retail therapy". Now i understand what rui meant by retail therapy. Felt not so bad after i bought a very nice black formal leather shoe, a cool brown belt, a new shirt and a certain other stuffs. Shiok lah. I wanted to wear today but nvm lah theres still sun. :-p

Haiz. Still feeling very sad. More sad than unhappy. Nvm can catch simpsons when trish gets it from her friend.

Though am still sad.

Proof of God in his life. =)

Junsu thinks that dating and marriage are the same thing because he sees the girl he`s dating as his future wife. He has to like the girl that much (enough to see her as a hopefully Mrs. Kim Junsu) in order for him to date her - he doesn`t want to date just anyone. He`ll date her to a point where he wants to marry her.

And im surprised yoochun and jaejoong used to smoke!!!

Day by day. My conviction is slowing changing. But still, i wont close it. Its all up to God, till that day comes, i will see what God says.

Its been some time since i last shared with someone. Though, like usual, my method was wronf, and i guess i was using my own strength, its great to talk to my friend about it, even though i was supposed to study, i guess i can afford the time for sharing God's word. And yes, i was reminded, how much i missed sharing. After sharing with my friend, i felt really good myself, though i felt quite guilty that i approached it wrongly, but it also reminded me on the aspects of God and his marvelous powers and sovereignity. It just strikes me on how much i know vs thinking of it. I think i'm not describing it properly, and i just dont know how to describe it. But yes, it feels good, feeling God is really with me and working thorugh me. Though ive always been constantly trying to remind myself of God, trying to think of God more and more each day, I cant help but be glad, i havent felt this way for sometime, and i wish you all could share my joy and my feelings at that moment. =)

Maybe i should constantly share more. I have really sorta stopped doing so and im feeling quite guilty too. :-p

I wanted to complain how quiet my phone has been nearing the end of last week, but since thurs i realized, i shant be complaining. :-p Especially mon, lmao, mass messaging everyone, cant stop replying. Lol. A 1 day record of sms of 170+. Lol. Madness. Haha. Michelle is quite shocked to hear that i sms an average of 500 a month, which she claims she sends out less sms than me. She is usally the whole day sms and on phone one ya so, im shocked too. :-p i guess last month was the only month i smsed less than 500 as compared to the last 4-5 months. Oh ya, but i had exams hor. Lol. Ok this is random and a waste of time. -.-

I really really love proud. =D Oh and lina too from csjh she can really sing. Too bad they're not very succesful. I dont like them as a group though they like to do those "sexy" dance and i was like disgusted. I dont like "one more time, ok"!!! But i dont mind their mv's which are more pure singing. Here are the links. Too bad there are so little solo performances by lina. :-p

Lina power solo performance(sounds just as good as mariah carey :-p)

My everthing MV- CSJH

It feels weird watching female groups mv cause i dont really do. Girl's generation(new grp) debut mv looks good though i read that they might just be another gimmick.

Oh and every other artist is korea seems like they are a christian. Lol. Lina and Dana from CSJH are christians too on top of a few from DBSK. So is won bin(korean actor) and many more. And i realized why too. They have 20+% christians in their population in 2005, the 3rd highest in east/ southeast asia, behind phillipines and east timor. Sg only has 15% from a figure in 2000.(but thats like a long time ago). Or maybe just happens quite a few popular artiste are christians. :-p

Lina looks real familiar. So does Dana. Hmm. I dont like stephanie. though she can really dance and can even dance ballet, i dont like her "dances" anyway. Ee.

I just realized how zhao xia DBSK's perf was for proud and lovin you. A few long notes jaejoong was like holding his long note flat plus keep zhao xia-ing. But who cares, they're really good actually and so is that video!!!

Zz. My physics teacher is super unreasonable can. Crazy lah. So much work. 2 years worth of tutorial. Crazy. I super sian lah how to finish. Even if can finish other sub die liao. Then again, its not possible to finish. Zz.

I really like josh harris's books. Reading his 1st chapter yesterday already got me hooked can. Too bad i dont have time to read the rest lah today. Zz. Nvm wed i will have some time especially since i'll be traveling abit. Thurs likely too. =)

Listening to DBSK while studying can be very distracting, cause i would feel like concentrating on listening to their songs!!! And woah after watching the video from cheryl's blog, everytime i listen to proud i will feel very emotional lah, like imagining them starting to tear like in the video. IT makes the song super nice, because it achieved the objective of a ballad, to touch a listener, but ITS DISTRACTING WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO STUDY!!! But its nice to hear it!!! Can listen over and over again. Lovin you seems like its getting nicer by the day again. :-p

Haha. But have to be careful what we feed or minds with. Like Rev Goh said on sat which i forgotten to mention yesterday, what we listen also affects how we think. So listening to too many love songs may not be good. Though its not so bad for me cos i dont really understand what they're saying anyway. :-p I only have a rough idea, so it doesnt play in my mind. :-p So its christian songs everyday!!! =)

I didnt want to change the song on my blog so soon, plus even if i wanted to change i wanted to put my little princess(acapella) cos its very very nice. But no. PROUD shall be put 1st cause its been too impactful to not put it up for now.=)

New test on my spiritual gifts: 1) Knowledge 2) exhortation, teaching. Lol. I confirm should go and become a bible study teacher liao. Lol. rev Goh was saying, if you dont have knowledge or wisdom the teaching gift would be quite useless. Lol. And i really kena. Lol. Only 3 ppl have the same spiritual gift if i didn't remember wrongly. Ben and me and someone else. Ben doesnt have knowledge but wisdom. Lol. I like some things rev Goh thought, like natural talents not = to spiritual gift, and so is passion, meaning you can be good in teaching, or you may like teaching, but doesnt mean God gifted you in teaching in God's word. Thats new to me. Also, he mentioned something that struck me. We shouldnt expect ppl to be what we are, like those who is good in admin, who are practical but not so tactful/not gifted with being understanding or "nice" towards others. I guess sometimes it doesnt make sense to me that others are not tactful or nice to others, but like rev Goh said, we shouldnt expect so lah.

Adrian also thought me something through our conversation to me ytdy. It doesnt matter what we do or work in the future. Wherever we go, God has a plan for us. He puts us there, in hope that we serve Him to the best there. We dont need to be serving God full time to be serving God utmostly. Even with our job, we can serve God with our utmost if we truly seek to glorify God to our best in wherever we are. Thats the most important. Just like studies, in whatever sch, in whatever job, in whatever church, as long as we seek to do our best, it is all that matter. Yea.

My question i hope you all can ponder on is, have you been constantly seeking to glorify God in whatever that you're doing??? Anything and everything? I hope we can all constantly seek to do so, in everything.

I must admit, im a failure as a testimonial as a student. Well, i guess i will always struggle in this aspect. And, ive been hearing bad things about myself. In church, that im not studying? Its like huh? Why someone is talking bad abt me? ok maybe not bad but well. I wonder why, but dont care lah. Ive long learned to put pride aside le. At least im trying to do so. Pride is the cause of the fall of man, what is pride worth?

Nothing.

Oh to make sure. Anyone wanna watch the classic can ask from me to let you watch. Take good care of it hor!!! And i have a new mozilla browser theme. Not blog theme lah. lolz. :-p

I absolutely dislike offending people. Cause i feel very bad about it. Urgh. I feel the effects. Forget forget small thing. Alway affected by small things. Not the 1st time le.

Highly recommended movie that is kinda old(made in 2002) but is very good. I was searching high and low for this so as to get the dvd version with eng subtitles. Its definitely worth watching. I for 1, dont watch korean movies(used to).. This is the very 1st i liked. Everyone in my family agrees its very good.



Look at my beautiful firefox. I added a beautiful blue christian themed theme that is crazy beautiful. I also added plenty of of siper useful extensions, including a firefox tweaker that makes it faster and totally non laggy. Shiok!!!

Oh what a fool i was.

Oh how ive not become part of them.

Saded, but dont care anymore.

Oh what a fool i was.

Oh how ive always believed in it.

Oh how i like to decieve myself.

Oh.

As always, im puzzled.