Im unhappy. For a reason so dumb, yet so blur. SO irritating.

I dislike yf.

Its just so...

I'm unhappy cause of someone, but yet its not that person's fault(i guess). And no im not unhappy with that person either. Its just cause i start to read too much into things i see or notice.

I dislike feeling detached from things. Well, i at least feel detached from yf. Maybe cause i feel yf isnt the same anymore. I like to be heavily involved in areas. And i kinda dislike it that i dont feel involved in the yf AT ALL. Well, maybe thats why i lost contact or all my friends from previous stages of life. Even in yfc, i like to feel involved. I dislike being "not impt", esp not when you at some point of time did so many things and now are doing nothing. its like kinda sian of yf already almost. Almost losing motivation on why im going for it every week. At least it shows more of my ulterior motives? Well, at least i could be spending the time doing street E rather than coming for yf.

2nd time im in "bad mood" this week. Cannot cannot. should not allow myself to be in this state.

Bah. I just hate these feelings.

Sometime i really wonder whats God trying to achieve by certain things turning out like that. Certainly im not to judge. But im just wondering. Whether God truly wants us to learn something from it? Surely saying, let thy will be done, isnt as easy as saying and knowing it.

And i was like quite disturbed to know that somethings is not what is initially explained to me. Which means, I could still be involved. And im like, all that time i was trying to unlock this question and even speaking to the person itself- was to naught? And thoughts of whether im simply too trusting that a certain ppl will be honest started disturbing to me. Well, all i can say is. I think i will choose to continue to trust, that ppl are honest.

Well at least i dislike the fact that ppl forget.

Anyway i was telling my friends im just as worried for their o's results. I mean this year really i know too many ppl getting their results. 15? Scary lah. Mostly are friends who are kinda close, so i was really kinda worried. Project servants already got like 6-7 at least. Lol.

2 songs i wish i could sing when i get my results. 1 is sang during leader's retreat last year introduced by rachel. The other, my fav for a couple years now.

Enough
Chris Tomlin

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

Measure of A Man
4Him

This world can analyze and size you up
And throw you on the scales
They can IQ you and run you thorugh
Their rigorous details
They can do their best to rate
And they'll place you on their charts
And then back it up with scientific smarts

But there's more to what you're worth
Than what their human eyes can see

CHORUS
Oh I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I found out the measure of a man
God knows and understand
For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man

Well you can doubt your worth
And search for who you are and where you stand
But God made you in His image
When He formed you in His hands
And He looks at you with mercy
And He sees you through His love
You're His child and that will always be enough

For there's more to what your worth
Than you could ever comprehend

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
You can spend your life persuing physical perfection
But there's so much more than ever meets the eye
For God looks through the surface
And he defines your worth by what is on the inside

Wah. I just realized. I made someone unhappy at the worst time. Or worse period rather. I mean i didnt make anyone unhappy today. Well, im not going to say more. But sad la i made a relationship bad cause i made that person unhappy then i guess i shouldnt expect that person to forgive me? Just sad to see how the relationship turned sour ever since the high in november.

I hate it that relationship issues bother me so much- or at least i think too much about them. Sometimes i dislike that when some draws closer, others seem drifting.

Anyway thank God for Project servants!!! East especially. =)

But anyway this week is super exhausting. Street E everyday except thurs to play bball with students? Madly exhausting, but yet, extreme fulfilling. I think i have shared close to 15 so far. And thats kewl. I dont even bother keeping track of the no of ppl i have shared already. Or at least, i havent counted them under my contacts list yet. Haha.

This week's encouraging person of the week is----------- Samuel!!! Haha. I'll share next time.

One Way, One Life, One Truth/ Today

Today was a great day. Not only because i did street E. We, east min project servants, went out for dinner together to supposedly celebrate Qian Hui's birthday. Our 1st ever outing. Well, we ended up eating Carl's Junior(which we aint suppose to cause its too ex for us) and some ate subway. We all sat together in a row, but because there's like 12 of us, so we ended up blocking the whole passageway in Carl's Junior. The best part of the dinner was the time of fellowship. We were like testing out so many hand games like "hai dai" and we also tried to play games that we all can play together. We played the "sha" game- joash(frm church)'s fav, and it was absolutely fun and hilarious. 1stly was because we experimented the different styles which other people knew of but ended up changing to my version of the game. Then came Mr oily and salty(his name is you xian) acting sissy and especially Bryan trying to be funny like coming up with "tan sha", "zi sha" and all the nonsense. We all each did a couple of nonsense too, coupled by comical moments from each of us and Angela laughing her head away, thus we all had a really great time laughing so badly. I guess i havent really laughed so badly for some time too. We just kept laughing and laughing the night away. All of us. Too bad Abi left early. All of this plus hearing the joke of the day.

Timo said this while buying bubble tea: " Uncle, lychee bubble tea don't want bubble". We just laughed our heads away. =)

OK. Maybe i should change my blogskin to allow comments. Kinda irritated theres no comments page and i'd rather remove my tagboard. Will try to find time to do so. Hopefully soon. :-p Anyway, this is my reason for having my blog skin and blog song. Blog skin requires no explaining. The most important part of my blog song's lyrics, is this phrase "one way, one life, one truth".

Theres only 1 way to God and eternal life in heaven.
Thus, we should make full use of this 1 life,
To spread His 1 truth.

Yup. These are my thoughts and somewhat sums up my motive behind joining yfc full time for at least 10 weeks.

Grr. Im kinda unhappy now because i can't find the piece of paper where i wrote down most of the things i learnt from camp. The dumbest part of it is, i lost it at home. -.- Anyway. If i didnt remember wrongly, while sharing with Ai Ling, i learnt 3 important things. 1 of then was with regards to evangelizing. I always identify evangelizm as one of my weaknesses.(of course not now i guess :-p) Well, i always think and fear of being paiseh to go up and approach people. She quoted me a few verses.

Phil 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain
Phil 1:27-30 Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel,and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God.For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.

She told me this. If we are living for christ, we should not be thinking of ourselves nor of our own weaknesses. I should not bother whether i am weak at this(evangelism) or that. If i'm truly doing the Lord's work, i would go all out to do it, for we do not belong to ourselves. If its for His sake, i should just do and ignore every worry that i have. Its a simple basic theory that when i heard itm i was like yea i know that. But it never struck me like that before. Like she said, when you want something, you would go all out to do it right? Similarly, for evangelism is the same. So, just do and ignore everything else! It is a good thing to apply to my life in many things. Just do and do not consider your weakness as a stumbling block. Your weakness will still hinder you, but its how much you allow it to. Thats what i'm learning to change in evangelism too. And so far, its quite successful. Did street E today and shared to at least 6 in 2h. Cool stuff!! I mean its the most ever in a day.

Ok i'll share about the rest another day. Its late already.

Again a reminder to self: I should stop wondering whether you share the same feelings i do about each other. Too often this thought keeps creeping to my mind throughout the week. Well, its not something i should be dealing with for the time being until the time is ripe. Though, i dislike the way it is not here not there, at least i consider it this way in the 1st place.

Trying to define a seemingly blurred relationship(in my opinion).

Well, at least you never understood that i AM talking about you.

Yet however, trying to ensure He is No 1 priority, He is centre of my life, removing hinderances, until He is stable at no 1, then if things were to come back or not......

Its up to Him.

It was, always. =)

Work in YFC

Ok. I'll try to blog as much as possible with the short amount of time. Sorry i didnt have time to talk about last week's camp and first week in yfc. Didnt view blogging as a priority nowadays. Too lazy to even bother about changing to wordpress so i guess i'll just stick to this.

Anyway. This past week has been great. I think it has been the best week i had for 2 years. I keep spilling it as best week in my life and cheryl was like your life is probably very sad. Haha. But cannot meh what i did this week is really shiok. Everyday is like learning God's word and doing His work, evangelizing and all. Somemore its only the 1st week and i didnt get as much opportunity as compared to the coming weeks and i've evangilized to 6 people- more than the past year i guess. Learning so much about God and about living and changing lifestyles to be more and more like Him has been really special. I know it all boils down to application but yea im already trying to change so many things and i can see changes bit by bit which has been good. I mean its the best "work" i can ever have lah. For a lifetime career i cant say for sure, but i guess definitely for 3 months, the time before going to army i think its a decision i will never regret.

Camp was great too. I mean other than being tired and all it was learn more and more and more. Talking to Ai Ling, one of the full time staff in yfc made me learn 3 important things that i might wanna share next time.

I wonder when i could temporarily put down this emotional string tied to someone.

Photos!!!

Finally a photo of all 3 of us. Lol. Laura is emo gal. Haha.

When i was the only one around. I'm the oldest of my generation anyway. Parents are super young lah. Great Grandma was still around. This is a photo of a photo. :-p

My "ahem" sister. Cute Lah. Lol.

My sis's failed attempt to take a photo out of my sunglasses.

My 1st and successful attempt of doing likewise. Haha.

My "certificate" after my camp ended last sat. An encouragement letter as a cert? Really the best ever!!! Read it if you can read it. :-p

So sorry i'll talk abt being in yfc and camp tmr k? Oops i just cant find time to do so. Haha.

i have 1 wish.

That God will take it away from my life.

I cant stand seeing this person so often in my dreams. I just wish i could forget about everything and continue on with my walk.

But i cant.

Not when situation is like that. Not here not there.

i wont get answers. And i will never get one. Not that im directly asking for it anyway.

I'm just killing myself really.

Hopefully God will help me forget it, through his greater love.

Will talk about camp some day later.

But i'm excited about work really! =)