The Verdict

Maybe what I always thought was what I wanted, not what God wants.

The thoughts that comes up after it shows it all.

It was always wrong.

The promise was broken, thus it was "destined".

Sometimes words really can't describe, or it cannot be said, but i wish i could.

As a person with my kind of love language, my greatest wish is to have all the time in the world, to spend with people that i hold dear to.

Even if it improves stage by stage, leaps and pounds, that i am of course very happy about, it never is enough.

It will never be enough.

The root of quite a few problems: In _

I committed that mistake. Till then, which is a long way off, it has to change.

Haiz, a bad weekend, with only a great glimpse of joy at midweek.

Everything In Its Time.

Sorry for all the italics and ambiguity.

To make 1 thing more obvious, I am stepping down. It wasn't such a tough decision really. It was obvious. I made it a tough decision, but its good i guess.

I thing i always learn i have to always do. Thank God, even if its not what i wanted.

Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

The verse i have decided to live by, which speaks to me the most.

Prayer never seems enough. It always feels that im not praying enough, even at current frequency.

The power of prayer. Prayer, has to still increase leaps and pounds for me.

Less thoughts, more prayer.

Via Dolorosa- The Painful Route

Via Dolorosa

Meaning "The Painful Route", is an ultra meaningful song. I like this song alot.

Enjoy
.
The green lyrics are translation I found for the spanish ones.

Now playing:

Via Dolorosa
Sandi Patti

Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
The Man condemned to die on Calvary

He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out of
His love for you and me.
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

Por la Via Dolorosa, triste dia en Jerusalem
Los saldados le abrian paso a Jesus
Mas la gente se acercaba
Para ver al que llevaba aquella cruz

Por la Via Dolorosa, que es la via del dolor
Como oveja vino Cristo, Rey, Senor
Y fue El quien quiso ir por su amor por ti y por mi
Por la Via Dolorosa al Calvario y a morir

By the Painful Route, sad day in Jerusalem
The settled ones abrian passage to him to Jesus
But people approached
In order to see which took that cross

By the Painful Route, that is the route of the pain
As ewe came Christ, King, Senor
And it was who it loved to go by his love by you and by my
By the Painful Route to the Calvario and to die

The blood that would cleanse the souls of all men
Made its way through the heart of Jerusalem.

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King
But He chose to walk that road out of His love for you and me
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

WORKSHOP ON SUNDAY!!! WHAT!!!!

Not very happy hearing that piece of news, especially since next mon and wed got tests. And i don't like sch or cca to touch suns. Like my only day off in a week. Well I don't have a choice I guess. Luckily for me, Its only at 4.30 so its fine cause I don't have to miss church. =)

My wounds are like super attract attention can! Especially since i put iodine(purple) lotion. Like everyone was like woah why your hand like that? Lol. Cat scratch ah. Lol. Talk to like juniors i never talk before. Lol.

This week is super tiring again. And will be again. But at least my queries were more or less solved.

Fulfilled. =) : >

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA!!!

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY LAURA!!!

Though she might not read this. :-p haha. Her birthday is today. Just turned into a teen. =) Gonna go out and eat. I almost forgot that I should keep tonight free and wanted to do hw. Nvm. Sis birthday more important. I was the 1st to wish her last nite. Like exactly at 12? lol.

Anyway, Cheryl's sch, sc got gold with honours. Woot. Happy for her. I wish our choir can get that, but even getting a gold now is a big problem, realistically. Oh well, i shall be content with whatever we get. =)

Hearing alot of politics and backstabbing again. Bleah. Realized that someone was wearing a mask all this while, but don't know for sure true or not. Oh well.

Busy and tired... :-( But being content with amount of sleep helps.

My form teacher seriously thought i tried to kill myself from my wounds, and she like spoke to me at a corner. Haha. YA it is a scary wound from a minor thing. :-p

Anyway, off i go for dinner.

=) : >

reply to tags:
Cherie: Sorry to dissapoint you, but I think its ok only. Nice lah but i just don't find it excellent. You like mostly fast songs lor. Like Miss You by DBSK which i don't really like, though i do like some fast songs. :-p

Who says you can't blog out of home? lol. Ok im in sch and am not intending to touch the home com much this week. Yesterday i didnt, but guess i gotta touch it tonight to make calls to yfers. Anyway, just don't play will be gd. =)

oh crap, i still have not finished my post on "Dad's dilemma". Haiya wait lah. This week is busy busy. Next week got 2 tests somemore, squeezed before and after the labour day hol. Yuck. Syf in 14 days? ouch.

Feeling more contented these days, maybe cause im better rested? lol.

Oh. I just realized i got A for sit and reach today!!! i was like not possible. I used some of the methods my teacher taught to sortof cheat and do better in it. I feel bad lah, thinking back, but an A??? lol. I thought i only got a B, when i took the exam, plus i wasn't fully stretched cause my leg cramped. Oh napfa was joy and dissapointments. Got A for pull ups, but underperformed from my usual gd timings cause i kinda skided, bt still A lah. And i had difficulty getting A for sit ups too for some reason, though yes again i did. Broad jump was like always my horror cause i can fail it, but yet sometimes can do quite well, so it caused me to get only a silver for napfa. Bleah. 2.4 was like i ran my lungs out to get a timing worse than last year? Though still C. Maybe can attribute to the fact that i have to do 5 station and 2.4 all together in 1 sitting lah, but its like, haiz. Deprove le. Track trials don't even talk abt it. I ran slower than last year when i underperformed? i guess i have lost alot of fitness and strength leading up to this year. Sad but im alright with it cause i willing forgo it.

I have alot of photos to put up, including yesterdays dinner which me and my sis cooked caused mum wasn't arnd, granpa's baptism, and my 4 plasters including 3 on 1 arm which made me look like i got into a fight. :-p no my friend scratched me while trying to grab my arms, but look kua zhang. :-p oh and my neck is pulling now and is super irritating. Got cca later, plus tmr got chem prac exam. Bleah. :-p

Reply to tags:
Cheryl: Thanks. im feeling better rested these days. Hopefully it will continue. =)

sometimes it takes the man(maybe not man) in the middle to make me realize somethings.

Seems like everyone can tell?

Stll bothered by those words.

I know you might not mean it that way. But sorry i read between the lines too much, and i guess many people would hint it that way, which is why i always avoided a similar 3 words. Though i doubt you are hinting.

But it might be what you really feel.

Quite dum to be sensitive to those 3 words actually, but cause i view it differently.

Hopefully this week passes quickly too. Sch + cca everyday= draining/ exhausting days

Guess what. I have made 200 posts le. 100 in less than 120 days. Lol. less than 4 months. :-p

Guess comm meeting also starts bad for me but end gd. :-p

A decisive week.

=) : >

U know what. I typed my post 2times and it both hanged. Lol. I AM gonna cut it short now. Frustrated le.

Been watching alot of Youtube vides. Almost all dbsk. :-p endless lor. lol.

Fatigue=think about stupid things. Been super exhausted the past week.

Been avoiding thinking about that topic. Then think of stupid things stimulate at the start of the week by songs from a concert. Lol. I guess, i should decide tonight.

This song never fails to comfort me. And it applies so well to 3 things in my head.

Enjoy.

Now playing:

Everything In Its Time
Corrinne May

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

I am really really tired these days though sometimes i sleep 8 hrs.

watched dbsk audition videos, videos when they were young and videos showing them play soccer and bball. How come got video of xiah when he is 12 one? lol. When in teens i understand lah. But 12. Lol. Xiah is so gay lah speak so high like a girl. Even the judges made fun of him. Lol. But he plays soccer really well. Hes so fast and skillful. Really really gd. Can learn from Him. :-p They cannot play bball though. :-p Though they are all tall(xiah is like shortest being 178. Lol.) Only max and yunho seems like they can play, esp yunho, though his ball handling skills is awkward, but he said he last played in pri sch? lol. I though mickey is suppose to be gd and can dribble? never see him score leh. :-p Amazing how they're looks have changed since the past, esp xiah and jaejoong. They look so nerdy in the past with their flat hair. :-p

if only i could not hold back my thoughts.

if only i could express my thoughts.

if only i could explain my thoughts.

if only i was sinless.

If only.

If only.

If only so many things.

And *pak*, it starts to hurt again.

Just as im thinking its gonna happen again.

i guess the principal's talk today is true to a certain sense.

Im dragging my feet along.

Timely. Spiderman 3 is out may 1. Time to catch movies!!! =)

westlife. My childhood fav. =)

Have You Ever Been In Love
Westlife

In The Morning Light
Half Awake And Half Asleep
Have You Ever Laid There Thinking
Was It All A Dream?
But You Reach Out And She's There
Every Moment, Everywhere
Have You Ever Been In Love?

Have You Ever Felt
How Far A Heart Can Fall
Have You Ever Stayed Up Waiting
For A Telephone Call
Just To Hear Her Say Hello
Cause You Miss Each Other So
Have You Ever Been In Love?

Have There Been Times To Laugh
And Times You Really Want To Cry
Finding Reasons To Believe Her
Cause You'd Die A Little If She Lied
And When In Times Of Doubt
Have You Ever Tried To Work It Out
But Still She Leaves You Wondering
What It's All About

And When She's Far Away
Have You Ever Felt The Need To Stray
And Tried And Then Discovered
It Just Doesn't Pay
Cause With Her, You Can Be True
And With Her, You Can Be You
Have You Ever Been In Love?

Have There Been Times To Laugh
And Times You Really Want To Cry
Finding Reasons To Believe Her
Cause You'd Die A Little If She Lied
And When In Times Of Doubt
Have You Ever Tried To Work It Out
But Still She Leaves You Wondering
What Its All About

And When The Night Comes Down
Can You Call Your House A Home
Do You Dream You're Still Together
And Wake Up Alone
Have You Ever Been In Love
The Way That I'm In Love
Have You Ever Been In Love?
Have You Ever Been In Love?

*grumble* *grumble* *grumble*

1)nightmarish dreams
2)tons of work
3)occupied mind

lets see what hmwk i have
1)Maths tutorial(due tmr)
2)Physics electromagnetism assignment(overdue)
3)physics electoromagnetism induction tutorial(maybe tmr)
4)physics prac(overdue)
5)chem thermodynamics tutorial(wed)
6)chem wksheet(today)
7)Chem corrections(teacher say i should do)
8)chem remedial wk(done today)
9)econs wkbk(today)
10)econs case study and esay(supposedly tmr)

Mind you. It takes possibly 1 hr to do each. And I have concert tonight. Bleah. Me and my fren is like go concert to do hw. Dun even fel like going.

I seriously think these are God’s punishment to me.

1)Pretence. Act. Walk. Conscious.
2)Think. Bother. Seek. Insufficient
3)Worry. Worry. Worry. Decision.
4)Seek. Answer. Call. Reply.
5)Miss.

All I can do is. Pray.

I think my headache is really self-induced. Felt headache like twice today. I thought I was just tired since morning. Thoughts were bugging me. Took a quick nap. Doesn’t help. Prayed. Took panadol. Immediately felt better.

I think my doc is right about the problems that might be causing it though I immediately rejected the possibility at that time.

Studied half the day but hardly did much. Bleah.

Something About You
Corinne May

Dont what you do to me but
Everytime I'm with you its a natural high
its like re-discovering Eden
with chocolate-coated rainbows and cotton candy skies
And everytime you look my way
I wish i had the guts to say


There's something in your eyes
Something in your smile
Something in the way you move me
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
Make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you.


I think i'll hire Cupid
He'll make you see I'm more than your friend
You'll be tossing and turning
Counting the hours til you see me again
And when we meet you'll
Kiss my hand and say the words I've longed to hear


There's something in your eyes
Something in your smile
Something in the way you move me
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
I'm falling in love with you
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
Make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you.

I think its God's punishment seriously, but i understand why it might not be too. I just do not feel. Haiz. Maybe its just not my language, though i always think it is.

Feels weird.

but anyway, got tons of hw, and need to sleep. Camp was alright i guess.

Me and my sisters closely knitted, have good relationships? Thats so not true for my youngest sis i can say. Found some dbsk fans in sch. Is it me or why does all the gals like xiah? lol.

I wanted to say this initially:
Perfection only exists in dreams. It is not as perfect as I would want it to be.

Then i though it should be:
Perfection only exist in God. It is not as perfect as I would want it to be.

=)

Song of the week:

If You Didn't Love Me
Corinne May

If every drop of water disappeared from the land
And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound
And all that I could see was darkness all around
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

If I could have the world and all that money could buy
And I could travel far beyond the moon and the day
If they gave me golden wings,
well I still couldn't fly
without you, nothing would matter

You and I walk beside each other day after day
But there's so much inside me, I never get to say
My life would be so empty
with nothing left to feel
If you didn't love me
If you didn't love me

Its either i have really bad memory, or I am just not studying enough. How do you you explain me not doing so badly for practical(which is pure memory) compared to those who did not study at all???
Doesn't makes sense. And i really dislike my chem teacher. She stumbles me alot. Not that she is wrong to scold me for not doing well, is the way she scold me and the things she does. She says stuff like " i think i should put you in another class rather than in this class" and say alot of very offensive(or rather hurtful) things. Can't stand her lor. Haiz.

5 more things:
1) i failed a big test i gave myself. Sian. Don't wanna even talk about it.
2)i did okay for a lvl pw(project work). I only got a B(you either a, b or fail which is c). But its ok. Some of my frens are sad not getting A, but im used to it, and esp since i did badly for presentation. Of course i hoped for A, but don't care.
3) I have lotsof work to day. Crazy. It accumulated to a huge pile. Sian.
4)I am very tired plus later got camp so will be super tired tomorrow. Audition later somemore.
5) After seeing the rjc tennis team, i thought, i should let it go through that test, rather than let it go untested. Random crappy thought.

hmm i noticed something weird. I woke up late today again. Set alarm to wrong time, and today is fri the 13th. Lol.

Off to camp soon. Bye bye.

Im glad i felt energized today. Was so tired the past week. And maybe cause of things learnt yesterday. I don't know. Just feel glad and energized today.

But actually Ben told me something that is on my mind alot, from the opinions of the yaf. Hmm. Don't think i wanna tell everyone about it. yes its about me staying in comm. Kinda make me think alot again. Hmm maybe i might ask around for opinions.

Oh. I forgot to say this. TOMORROW I HAVE CAMP!!! And in the camp there is SYF AUDITIONS!!! Not that i fear i will fail. Its just that if i fail i my as well quit as sl liao. Lol. And camp in the middle of no where? No more good sleep when im starting to have. :-p Don't really look forward to it. But well, hopefully it will be fun. Aargh. Gotta chiong hw today. :-p

Oh. And luckily i don't need to see principal. Though i still did extremely badly.

Oh, and I feel very tempted to watch vacation by dbsk. =)

Finally got some good sleep. I realized everyday i woke up really tired after sleeping, LIKE i didn't sleep at all. Super tired. AT least today am awake. Fatigued the past few days.

Talked to Ben Tsao last night. You can probably guess what we will talk about if i went to meet up with him to talk. Lol. Learned alot yesterday. More and more things struck me again. I would say the past 2 months, I have been learning alot spiritually. Its like woah, really excellent things. Enjoyed every single minute of it.

reply to tags:
cheryl: ok i lose. Why would someone have 20 gb of DBSK? CRAZY!!! thats like half my hard disk space. Why so many. siao ah. U mean you have ep 130 or have everything till ep 130??? Lol. i like 151. And i like the new xmen. :-p You can go and ask. Everyone thinks AND KNOWS yunho can dance better, though not exactly the best in korea. Yunho is voted some MBC(isit? forgot liao) best lor. Xiah 2nd. But thats bias lah. Both of them can't be the best. And there'e so little clips of xiah dancing, but even have also doesn' show that hes better than yunho. :-p And i seriously think you are bias for this. :-p Oh. go to music min blog. It has your ans for the communication lvl thing. Aug did a blog post on it. =)

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B1D4494D3161F9AC
This is my playlist link of DBSK videos. To choose a few worthy of mention.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG8w_agyXNM
Yunho's dance compilation on xmen variety show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWTzHHJka-Y
my fav dance performance by yunho

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d3C0VlrJLQ
DBSK funny moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqCr35oMMJ4
JaeJoong Vs Max debate. Nice video. Watch other parts, eg part 7 to see xiah and yunho fighting. That one is real good too. Maybe better!!!

Doc recommends me to go see a psychologist. Lol. "it strikes me that you have alot of illnesses"

reply to tags: I watched like almost 50 videos. Lol. Im very sure yunho dances better. :-p Hes like dance king can. Lol.

spent hours on the com watching videos. Im starting to be a little crazy over dbsk. watched like almost 50 videos, each mroe than 10 min. Watched a whole day of videos. But here's my conclusion.

fav singer in dbsk: max, xiah.
dance: yunho(undisputed, i spent e whole day watching his dance videos. He is super good. The freestyle dance that i like and no suggestive moves. COOL!)
all rounder: xiah.

i felt shot down. But whatever.

reply to tags:
Rui/cheryl: Well, i guess its ok, cause ppl unlike me aren't used to sharing so much and talking so much, so ive gotten used to it. :-p Ben used to rebut some of my concerns i raised up in comm retreat that not everyone's like me and i agree, so i don't expect the same. You know i always like to tell others like ive told rui before(if you remember) that sharing freely for me is something ive learned only in shalom over the years, which i never was able to in the past. Just ask the people who remembered me when i 1st came to shalom(though i was ALWAYS talkative. Haha. :-p)

I want to share more in hope that others share too. You know i could remember the times in the past where i was more of a listener than a talker. I still could be but ive since started to talk TOO MUCH, but as always, just like anyone, i wish to hear more from people. So things for both of you to learn: Share more even if its not easy for you, and take initiative to. Rui, you know how weird it is to keep probing into your stuff(though actually i do that to ppl all the time.. :-p)?? Sometimes i would rather hear what you have to say then ask for it. Lol. But i guess its ok as it is. =) I guess yf sharing is not useful cause sharing is stuck at lvl 3(on the superficial, eg sch)
. No one dares to go deeper into more personal stuff which i understand why. I guess the optimum lvl for everyone to communicate with each other in especially in ministry/yf is 4. Then that would really seem great! I hope i am doing my part too. =) Lol. Too many thoughts again. Once my fingers start moving I cant stop it. :-p I already try to cut le sorry hor. :-p

Take Everything to The Lord In Prayer/What??!! Again??!!

a shocking news shook my class today. My classmates father passed away. I was like, 3rd wake in 4 months. Man!!! So scary!!!

I can't myself up when im falling, but only when ive fallen. This is so true for me. I haveto really fall to get back up again, but its great to get up. While falling, its just painful that i cant pull myself up.

On another note, i hate 2 things. Mind games and politics. Mind games is part of politics, but it happens out of politics too. My choir now is full of politics. I hate it and i can't help but to be sucked into it. And i don't like to play mind games too.

Lucky i picked myself up this morn too. I remembered the song I chose for yf last sat. take everything to the Lord in prayer. And rui sortof reinforced this thoughts by saying that God should be that lvl5. its ok if no ones there in lvl 5. God shld be there. And he will always be my lvl 5. =)

What A Friend We Have In Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

reply to tags:
rui: feels weird to ask august again. Yea. Its hard to have a lvl 5. Especially for you who prefer to listen than to say. :-p And tks again for your sms. =)

cheryl: You thank me for what? lol. I didn't do anything. :-p And you feel guilty for what? I can't clearly differentiate lvl 5 too. Like who to put there, but rui reminded me a great thing. God should be the lvl 5. The highest we communicate with. =)

Mei Tian Ai Ni Duo Yi Xie

This song can almost bring me to tears, especially the chorus, cause it brings back childhood
memories. Dad would use to play his jacky cheung cd with his song while i listen it to sleep on his car especially on long journeys. My dad was a hardcore jacky cheung fan. I finally found this song. Yayness. I have been trying to find it for some time lah. My fav all time canto song. =)


This is fav too. =)




More memories.

Bothered? Granpa's baptism and Communication lvl.

I have totally no motivation to study the past few days. I have not touched my work for quite a few days i guess. Of course I HAVE to now. Or not i'll just die.
Have been really tired the last few days, coupled with bad sore throat. Every night, once I lie on bed i would immediately sleep. Bothers me that my walk has been on the slide the last few days. Bothers me are some things. Old problem seems like its reoccuring. Today, i couldn't concentrate at all at service. Super tired. It bothers me. Just am really really bothered by things. Sortof talked to rachel today liao. Lol. It was like asking her where is debbie then led to it. Lol. Gonna meet up with Ben to talk about it.

Seeing my maternal granddadThough God kept doing little things to help perk me up today, it still bothers me. getting baptized and confessing his faith is really cool. If this was like some 5-6 years ago, i would never expect him to convert. Then things happen. To keep it short, he had cancer. But recovered after operation. And since he started to go live with my aunt, who was a christian, i guess tt is when he started to go to church. I didn't even know he regularly do go to church. DON'T SAY GET BAPTIZED!!! Normally i never would thought of talking with him about this kinda stuff. So am so glad he is the 1st of my grandparents. Seeing him walk down to the sea to get baptized, it sort of reminded me of Jesus. =) And its a great to be reminded on Easter. It was really great joy especially at tt moment.

But im still bothered.

Cool. The 5 lvl's of communication. This is what i could gather. May not be accurate.
lvl 1: Hi bye friend.
lvl 2: People whom you do provide some info to, but do not really talk on the personal lvl.
lvl 3: People whom you do chat with, but quite on the surface lvl.
lvl 4: People whom you not only chat with but tells them alot more with personal feelings about things. Tells them alot of things happening in your life.
lvl 5: Able to tell someone almost everything.

I guess most people's friend lie in lvl3, but for me, its lvl 4 for most. :-p My blog is already a lvl 4. Lol. Thats what adrian said. But how i treat people doesn't mean we both share the same lvl of communication. Eg, I tell someone alot of things but they only tell surface. 1 side lvl 4, 1 side lvl 3. Thats how i feel. Most people do not share the same lvl of communication i share with them. And i believe i only have 1 or 2 lvl 5's only. though everyone is at 4. And i still believe that even though i treat them as a lvl 5 i am not treated the same way.

Bothered. Unmotivated.

Ee. I strained both my ankles. Both. Lol. How is that even possible. Proves my friend wrong that you can't injure both. Haha. And back too. Injury reoccurred. Just by practicing standing broad jumps? Jump a few times then strained. I was like huh? What gives. Napfa is next week. Boo.

Sometimes i wish i could be back to my old slacker self. Just like kenneth liong was. Like almost everytime after church i would be running around doing stuff. I sometimes feel like not doing things I should help. Sometimes i really do so. Sometimes i wanna do other stuff.

Still have the heartbeat of a true blue slacker. But in reality, i have moved on already. =)

reply to tags:
huiling- haha. Hello. Didn't know you DO read my blog. Nice to see ya here. Tks for your encouragement. =) I don't even know my tagboard got filter. Lol. :-p

Eyes

Just wanna talk about eyes for this post.

Eyes, like alot of other things, are one of God's greatest gift, and we should treasure it. My eyes are having some problems recently too. And I have quite a few thoughts about eyes today. Just wanna say some random thoughts.

Those eyes, I know they are looking.

Those eyes, I feel that i seem like im avoiding.

Those eyes, are only glanced.upon.

Those eyes, i know they are looking this way too.

Those eyes, are looking straight inside.

Those eyes, are scary.

Those eyes, makes my mind fickle.

Those eyes, are staring.

Those eyes, gives yourself away.

Those eyes, are looking from afar.

Those eyes are big.

Those eyes are small.

Those eyes just seems different.

Those eyes, are failing.

Those eyes, are tired.

Those eyes, i wish i had more time _.

i didn't wanna blog today actually, or use com for that matter. It bothers me to see my oldest post in my blog is 26march, which is slightly more than a week ago. But ok. Why am i here???

Cause today is a bad day in cca. Why? cause of internal strife in the committee(yes im in the committee), because everyone in my section went home with a black face(mainly due to some unhappiness with my pres and esp vice pres), because my student conductor friend(a guy) cried because a friend of his in choir actually reprimanded him, in anger(which i think that guy is in the wrong), and because practice will be 5 TIMES A WEEK FROM NEXT WEEK!!!! Nothing to be surprised abt actually cause i should've seen it coming. It's just that stress and pressure is pilling up. I not only have to concentrate on studies and yf(which i want to) now, but here comes cca, 5 times a week, right in my face. And to make things worse, my cca is not performing up to standard. My section especially is one of the weakest, AND IM THE SL!!! So im feeling the pressure. To top it up, there was so much problems today, with all those things happening and the black faces, and its not because of increased practice even. 1 more thing to add. My section like got 3 tone-deaf ppl!!! They cant tell if they're singing wrongly!!! Its not only about having patience, but its like trying to cure a disability. Can someone teach me how???

And im likely gonna miss every yf from now on. Boo.

I don't wanna be sl anymore. : <

Of course im joking. Im just not happy with all the problems. Lucky for me, im been growing spiritually the past few weeks, so im seeking refuge from God. Haiz. Alot of things to worry i guess. A few things i cannot fully decide yet. And i wonder about the others. Just have to keep praying i guess.

I didn't go sch today for a super dum excuse tt it is so malu even saying it, but good too because i had headache this morning, so I slept for 5 hrs just now.

Talk about dreams being scary, I had one last night. Its probably one of my most vivid dreams i could remember. I could like remember almost every detail very accurately and it seems so real. Its not a nightmare, but its more like a bad dream. The part that makes it a bad dream? Something very very bad happened in sch in the dream and no one wants to hear what happened. Everytime i wanna tell someone something would happen or like they're not interested. The only person who wanted to hear was like someone in sch which i felt was so random cause i don't know her well, bt in the end got interrupted too. Then, just now in the 5 hrs of slp i could only remember 1 person in the dream frm the previous one. In the past, I never even dreamt of tt person. In the past few weeks, this is the 2nd time i dreamt of tt person twice in a day. But i never believed in dreams. I think they are nonsensical random stuff most of the time. Yuan is right that durin A lvl period because of stress keep having random and crappy dreams. I just want to say it out only so. I don't really care what happened in dreams anyway. Its just, interesting. :-p

DBSK mv's are cool. They're dances are really cool, but they are gay, except u-know. :-p

Ooo. Blogger now can upgrade template. Maybe I would consider doing it someday. :-p

is this headache or what?

Or is it just Sun night?

This is the reason why I stopped gaming. It kills me. It is not what i really want. I want fellowship more than anything. Gaming just doesn't satisfy. It is as described by a verse for ppl with my name in romans 8:37, but it reaches to the negative end.

Shawn and me happened to dwell into that topic, then I was like, how could i have forgotten about the fact. Its a reminder of the big list of problem i'll possibly have.

Why am i involved?

Why is she there?

Dreams are scary and dangerous.

but well, one things for sure.

Colossian 3:11b But Christ is all, and in all.

He is in my thoughts, in every aspect of my life. Why am i forgetting Him?

Psalm 73:25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

It should be all i desireth.

=) : >