Added: I forgotten i haven't blog about my concert and 30 hr famine!!! Ok for 30hr famine just look at yf blog post is done by me!!! Just that when you're really hungry, i start to lose control over my emotions, don't consciously i don't feel that hungry. Maybe subconsciously it got to my mind.

Wah!!! blogging about 30hrfamine is really tough. Its so long. So sian. Can cry. =(

Anyway, regarding concert, im just glad its over really. Memories of choir will always be there, just that it got sour to the end. I love We Go Together!!! I'll put it up next week maybe. Haha. I just put up this song so don't wanna pull it down so fast. :-p And i like my clothes. Too bad i don't have a better photo of it. :-p

Someday i might stop living this dream. Someday i might wake up and found out its a dream. But for now, i'll continue to dream~, dream dream dream dream dream~ (to the tune of the song dream).
=) : >

Its just so irritating. Lol. I wish i can tell you about, but nope. At least i've let it out. Lol.

im starting to feel bitter towards 1 thing too many.

Aiya. So random again. Im in good mood now so don't wanna spoil it. Finally. Even though today at 1st didn't perk me up so much.

Not that the sudden news was good news. I was shocked and sad. Worried for them, and everyone who I talked to aren't very optimistic too. But well i shouldn't let sad things get me down too, just like all of you shouldn't too. Like i can tell others to be anxious for nothing, and thank God, i think i myself should learn to do so, especially in this point of my life. Spiritually im really down. Really went rock bottom again. But at least, today i'll do something about it, so don't worry, i'll be fine. I'll really appreciate it if you would keep my faith in your prayers.

=) : >

P.s. Can you peeps like try to use the comment link to post comments, especially if you know its not very short, cause its abit irritating that my tag board is filled so much, and its cause ppl's tag's are lengthy!!! Not that its a bad thing though. I thank you all for your long comments, thats really great, but i would be happier if you all would use comment instead, especially long ones. Easier to read. :-p I would remove the tag board yet though, unless i really think its necessary. :-p

Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

1Th 5:16 Rejoice evermore.
1Th 5:17 Pray without ceasing.
1Th 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Phi 4:6 Be careful(worried) for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Phi 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

There was a glimpse of light, but soon, i covered the light to remain in darkness.

It was my choice, a wrong choice.

Yeah. Maybe I should never join it again. As my mum claims, they never really wanted me there.

If only i could stay joyful, at least for a few days, whenever theres a joyful moment.

To make things clearer, i had a big quarrel again. Or more like i constantly defied "orders".

Hopefully tmr will be a brighter day.

Photos time!!!

Everyone from church who went for my concert. Haha. Ee i don't look good in this photo. :-p And Debbie accidentally closed her eyes in this photo. When we take again my fren never press properly and in the end didn't take. :-p

Super unglam photo. Enough said.

Cherie and my sisters when we went to watch pirates.

We went to eat superdog for lunch. Someplace we never eat before at vivo.

Lol. On my door since who knows when. Primary sch? Lol.

Message to cherie: Heres the photos. Grab it if you want. =)

Like always, i wish i could say out all my hearts thoughts and problems. Ive been feeling bitter these days too. Not only with others but myself. Mwiasnsniantgayloku

Can you just say goodbye?

Why do people always never say goodbye when they leave? Do they like doing so? Its so irritating to me when ppl disappear and left without saying goodbye. I always make an extra effort to say goodbye to all my friends when i leave, because i myself know that its quite bad to not inform ppl that you're leaving. But i feel all the more irritated, when ppl do not say goodbye when they leave without a word. Can't you just say goodbye?

Sorry so random. :-p Been moody these days. Alot of things was bothering me, but hopefully things would be better now that its the hols and i have more time to rest with much less responsibilities. Will blog soon abt concert and 30hr famine.

Anyone wanna study with me? I so need to find someone to study with me.

One of the previous nights i suddenly wanna hear this old song again. Definitely one of my favorites. You know i bought this album for 2 songs only. This is one of them. Enjoy. =)


情非得已
难以忘记初次见你 一双迷人的眼睛
在我脑海里 你的身影 挥散不去
握你的双手感觉你的温柔
真的有点透不过气 你的天真 我想珍惜
看到你受委屈 我会伤心
只怕我自己会爱上你 不敢让自己靠的太近
怕我没什么能够给你 爱你也需要很大的勇气
只怕我自己会爱上你 也许有天会情不自禁
想念只让自己苦了自己 爱上你是我情非得已
爱上你是我情非得已
什么原因 我竟然又会遇见你
我真的真的不愿意 就这样陷入爱的陷阱

Its good that I don't have to worry people. At least not at the wrong time. Anyway, my blog shall hear me out. :-p Ok no not blog but you people and God. Today is a bad day. Well, at least this is the worst ive ever felt(i think) in cca. I think i have failed my duties. No matter. No matter how much i have failed, its all gonna be over. Im gonna throw it all down again, just like o's. Cca and church. Just throw it all away and concentrate on studying again. It seems the end is always not sweet, and im always looking forward to new phases in life, hoping that this phase will end soon. Can't wait for A's to end. Being a leader has been great the past year. In so many things. Unlike some people, i can have my break from it all again, and throw away all responsibilities. Though i would love to say how much i wouldn't wanna step into yf comm again, for now, its take a break.

And im ok too!!! Im saying this while feeling normal, and in thanksgiving, I thank God for the past year. Ive learned and grown so much. Somethings gained this past year has been invaluable. Though, i didn't feel gd for quite some time during cca today, but its ok. I was fine even before cca ended. :-p Gotta do some little work before going to sleep soon.

Pray people. =)

Don't worry, Im fine. =)

Disclaimer to those who are concerned about me: No im feeling alright. Sorry my posts are so depressing cause i have a bad habit of saying bad things on my blog when 90% of the time i am feeling ok and happy. Though yes i would say at times i feel sad these days cause things are not going well in my life. I am not very keen on saying it on my blog, and im sorry these days there are alot of things that i bottled it up in my heart and do not tell anybody, but like i can tell people, i will try to tell you all to relieve these burdens of mine. Soon lah. But ya for now the past 2 days have been quite good though yest(sun) something quite serious happened, but its ok today. Service was great yesterday, something which i have not felt for sometime. I am sick alot these days and i have a bad headache now so shall not blog le and go sleep. Don't worry im fine and you all take care too. I will update about myself soon. =)

Just something to add: God has been good and merciful to me though i have been faithless and sinful- most of my problems and stresses come from my own wrong decisions. I really wanna thank God for standing by me whenever i need Him, and even when i think i don't, which should not be the case.

CONCERT IN 2 DAYS!!!

I'm starting to feel fed up liao. Maybe someday i might not want it anymore.

I think i am starting to go astray. Starting to turn bad. Really. Things are starting to seem more and more scarier each day.

I think that there is more to life(or more possibilities) than that only. Today after talking to quite a few people, I realized, yeah. That said, tonight, though its the latest i stayed in sch for the longest of time(930), i actually had the most fun. Though its cca, its great dun to sing a nice cheerful and fun piece, and talking to quite a few people really makes it all the better. Today seems like a bright day compared to the past few weeks where its just all dragging my feet along. At least I went home feeling happy for once for a long time.

However, you know i have practice everyday for the next week till my concert, INCLUDING SUNDAY???!!! Its worse than syf. Prac till 8 plus everyday, and no days to rest. Lessons are almost going to be a waste of time. Bleah.

Alot of things can seem so from my perspective. But when i think again, it actually might include others.

Some problems are actually self created by thoughts, and its irritating.

Though i continue to live in pondering and uncertainty, hopefully life won't remain a black and white picture.

Trying to thank God, more and more each day. =)

problems, fatigue, fear, heart-racing, heart-wrenching.

The benefit of a doubt, the harm of a doubt, the uncertainty principle.

Back to fear.

Relationships are high maintenance/ Things have not been going the way i want to

"Relationships are high maintenance"

I'm quoting from a phrase a friend of mine said before. Don't you think so? This thought kept bugging me, plus my sis and I happened to talk about a church friend who felt like he has drifted apart from his friends, largely due to the fact that he stopped hanging with them for a period, and since then, it doesn't feel the same. Me too. I have a group of friends(i shall not mention who) that i somehow don't feel like hanging out with em anymore. Its just like that. Relationships are really complicated things. Like my friends said, it sometimes is better to not to have close relationships right? Well i will never do that, but its a big price to pay, and sometimes relationships, like all other things in life, usually don't go the way we want to.

My reason for thinking that relationships are high maintenance are different though initially, cuase its on a different settings, but its similar lah. Mine is because its easy to feel slightly distanced when the amount of contact with someone has decreased lah. I just kept feeling like maintaining that high amount of conversation, but its definitely not possible. Not for one, not even for a few, not to mention all. Theres so many people that i sometimes i know that i need to speak to in order to maintain a relationship, that throughout the past few weeks, it bugged me that i should talk to them, because somehow i am feeling distanced to quite a few also because yf is having a break. Oh well. I want to speak to a few people alot sometimes, but sometimes i couldn't, and it is sian. Sometimes theres just not so many things to say bah. And sometimes things never go as I want to.

It is not posiible that things will always go my way bah. I am feeling the effect of this the past few weeks especially. Alot of big things(or so i think it is big) didn't go the way i want to. It happens that it all came at the same time. Lets see, 1,2,3,4 big things and counting. Its just sian lah, especially since it feels big to me. Well, yesterday's qt reminded me once more, that to trust in God even if things don't go the way i want to, which i have been failing to do lah. It sometimes is just frustrating and painful even lah. Plus, recently i make alot of mistakes that it hits me like right in the face lah. Very sian lor.

Yesterday made a big mistake, but haiz. Nvm. Guess where i celebrated Mother's day yesterday? At Geylang, because we went to my grandma's favourite place to eat. And guess what. I couldnt find the place we are going, and my hp battery was flat. -.- Plus, it happens that the street my mum told me to go, is... What do you think of when people talk about Geylang? Yup. Got one hotel 81 right in the middle of that street lah. Lol. I found that street but couldn't find the eating place. And I just don't want to walk across to the other end of the street lor.( When it happens in the end that yes the eating place is at the other end ot the street -.-) Even when we were walking to the mrt on our way home, i was like eh, why are all these people standing around here for? Lol. Then i immediately realized. Lol. My 1st time encountering this place seriously. So everything is quite new to me.

Qt recently spoke to me alot. Everything is seemingly very relevant each time im doing it. Thus im really looking forward to qt. Not that i am doing it regularly still. Like once every 2 days? i'll do 2 days worth. :-p Its still not a habit that i've cultivated. Next time i will quote more of the stuff that spoke to me. If you were wondering what qt material spoke to me, its daily bread, and the lastest to speak to me alot is on the article on may 11, fri. Go read it if you could. =)

Ok i better stop le. Been blabbering for some time. Weeks have not been good generally cause like i said things haven't been going the way i want to. Certain things once i think of it, i still feel sad, but its ok. I better learn to trust in God and commit to Him. =)

Oh oh later my siblings and I are making dinner sounds cool haven't cooked for sometime. Am looking forward to it.

=) : >

Im really sad and even till unhappy about something. Its like this.

Imagine you are one of the regular members in a soccer team. In this team, you actually lead the players in training, and you teach them how to play. Yet, when the coach has decided the 1st team, he didn't include you in it. How do you feel?

I just don't understand. Maybe i take it for granted. But its just, why? i don't get it.

I always make the same mistake like always- play. Lol.

I guess i can't hold it against you. and how would you know what you didn't do in the 1st place?(unless you actually could have guessed you didn't do something) oh well.

reply to tags:
jo: Thanks. Well, its only me lah. I was telling some of my close friends i don't feel the same nervousness to perform as 2 years ago for band. I guess even if i get honours i might still not be overjoyed?

cheryl: Thanks. Ya i like tonight alot i told ya already. JaeJoong's falsetto got one super high note near the end super gay lah. Lol. Really sounded like a girl. I actually like the starting alot alot. Tonight shall join the ranks of my favs including always there and holding back the tears. =)

MJC choir- GOLD!!!

We got

GOLD!!!

I'm quite satisfied, though not exactly overjoyed? Maybe cause we've been always secretly hoping for an honours. Oh well, realistically, i knew gold is a realistic target and we achieved it so ok lor. Alot of other choirs did not do as well lah. Major dissappointments include aj and acjc frm honours to gold, tp gold to silver. Tp was especially disappointing, and my conductor was very sad. Not that any of them did very badly though. Ac was gold cause they exceed time limit. Quite dum right. Oh well.

I'm actually abit sad this morning(yes i know for the wrong reasons). Nothing to do with choir or syf. Its not cause i was late or was an idiot who forgot to take his black shoes and had to go back home to take. Ok maybe got an indirect link. But ya. Its not what someone did. Its what someone didn't do. Lol. I'm not saying what :-p Its a small thing lah, but i feel disappointed. =(

Sometimes, i think, something is wrong. Its really the opposite to norm lor.

Unlike serials, its happening the other way around.

I realized i was the one contributing to the mistake all along.

On another note, things are really wrong. Things gotta change. And it should start from NOW!!!

Spiderman 3 was hugely disappointing. Maybe cause I wanted to watch it so much, but yea it disappointed. Nvm im looking forwards to pirates too cherie. =)

I just changed my song on my blog. I love this song. Woohoo. Finally got it. :-p Wanted to put "If i kissed you" by corinne may instead, but this song ive been listening alot recently so put it lor. This song is very nice, though i never knew what the lyrics meant, but now i do. Here you go. =) Ok im too tired to continue im going to sleep. :-p

Now playing:

Tonight
DBSK

Take my hand, hold me tight, and take a rest in my heart so that
you might feel the heat simmering in.

I can't take it. Your small shaking makes me want to put you on
and never take you off.

Stolen my soul Stolen my heart, I'm filled with you so much that
I can't breathe. Like a small child caught in the rain. Like
the love sprinkled on the earth.. like tonight..

Your embrace is warm like the early morning sunlight.

Now I know why those people are saying "love is blind"
I believe my heart belongs to you. I love you more than I do..

Like a fireball you're spreading a fire in my heart.

I love you When I saw you, when I touch you, when I feel you
When I fall in love. You've got an endless passion.

Stolen my soul Stolen my heart, I'm filled with you so much that
I can't breathe. Like a small child caught in the rain. Like
the love sprinkled on the earth.. like tonight..

I can feel you living and breathing inside of me to the fullest.

I don't have the courage to face these deep feelings.
The love that you've given me is slowly swallowing me.

I know, our love's a miracle... You ease the pain in me
and slowly the pain becomes my delight.. My love can be.

Stolen my soul Stolen my heart, I'm filled with you so much that
I can't breathe. Like a small child caught in the rain. Like
the love sprinkled on the ground.. like tonight..

Your embrace is warm like the early morning sunlight.

Stolen my soul Stolen my heart, You're filled in me so much.
I can't breathe. Like a small child caught in the rain. Like
the love sprinkled on the ground.. like tonight..

Ok maybe I don't feel that bad, starting to feel better le. Haiya i'm fine just a spur of a moment(maybe an hr). Lucky me, it started going away after some brightening things happened. Just abit, and i start to feel ALOT better. Thank God for timely provision. =)

Got dum e-learning lect on chem i am so lazy to watch. :-p

srry i deleted some tags cause i dislike spam. :-p

SYF IN 2 DAYS!!!

You know what. I'm just so sian/void/irritated of things already. Maybe irritation only abit. But ya I feel very void. I started feeling this way when things start to not go like how i planned. I know things will not always go as i wanted it to, but I just feel so sian. So many things since midweek just make me feel sian. Alot of things really didn't go as i wanted.

1 reason today: Thio pang seh-ed twice today.. 1st, the less serious one, is when everyone left to changi without me. I'm actually don't feel too bad, cause i need to study with my sis, so i might not be able to rush back anyway. 2ndly, the thing im very sad about, was i wanted to watch spider very badly with them and then they watched without asking me lor. So sianz... =(

Somethings are really starting to get on my nerves liao. So irritating really.

Can't help but feel that can i stand it?

Why did you say anonymous? Just say who lah. Its worse that I know but you don't wanna tell. But i'm fine with you don't worry. The things i mention earlier i am unhappy but not unhappy with you ok?

I'm just unhappy with things.

Ok i can't take it for now. My mind is in chaos. Maybe partially i slumped to a spiritual low again after being high for 2 months only?

Studying quite abit the past few days made me realize how much i have not done.

ok fine im watching tmr but sian not in good mood le. =(

Argh. Feel like sleeping away my problems. =(

A few more random thoughts.

I wonder why.

I wonder why it happened, or whether it could have happened.

I wonder whether im dreaming, or its just in my dreams.

I never knew they were like that. So "hair standing".

Its close to idolatory.

I dislike that "eye".

Haha. Stupid random thoughts.

I was just watching trailers. So many movies i wanna catch. From pirates to fantastic 4, spiderman 3, transformer, resident evil, rush hour 3, and evan almighty. The last 3 is not high priority, but ya. Many movies to catch this year. And i miss tmnt and mr bean le. Boo.

SYF IN 4 DAYS!!!

photos time. =)

due to some blogger problem, i'll do the others another time. no choice. :-p


Who says my handwriting is bad? this looks good even when i did not intentionally try to write neatly. =)
Colourful lect notes. :-p mine lah duh. :-p


Me wearing alvin's watch. I love this watch. The screen can actually change colour from red to black. =)



When you are bored during lecture, these are set ups, not while it is falling.

From good friday. For the record, 15, yuan yuan!!!

Other nominees, lcp tan, 11!!!

*edited, added stuff*

I guess its my punishment to always feel so bad and to feel this way. Why can’t i be just focused and get down to work? Why always having stray thoughts everywhere?

Fatigue is real troublesome to me. Gets me down too easily. Its like when you are not down you feel stupid that you can feel down but when you are down you just wonder how do you not stay down. Lol. Emotions have too strong an influence to my thoughts and decisions lah.

Can’t stay slack like this forever. But I just can’t get focused these days. Just so tired and have so much headaches that I get down to work. :-p

Bleah.

Somethings make me wonder.

Ok don’t wonder I better find out soon. :-p

maybe its just me seeking it since young, maybe due to the lack of it.

But haiya, irritated how im blogging about random thoughts and being down. Really not feeling well these days.

And its like *bish*, here we go again.

Hopefully people will not make the same big mistakes i made on mon.

Hopefully people will not have the same kinda thoughts bothering me.

Hopefully i can change my "runaway" attitude.

SYF IN 7 DAYS!!!

and for those who don't already know,

MY CONCERT IS ON THURSDAY 24TH MAY!!!

U ALL BETTER COME OK? Or not im so gonna be unhappy. =(

Irritating thoughts, GO AWAY!!!