I am really not proud of this. I actually really dont want to tell most ppl- call it pride. It is something im really ashamed but i decided that i should not hold onto this pride and rather ppl know of my situation, the things im going through, than to keep them in the dark. But i tell you, im still very ashamed really.( and ppl act like its no big deal or whatsoever. Tsk!

Oh i forgot to mention the photos from the earlier post are from gossip girls! Though i liked the photos, i dont think i will ever start watching it- cause its not the kinda serials i think i'll enjoy.

Have you ever experienced rain, rather than falling close to vertically downwards, to close to vertically horizontal? Those kind where you're clearly under shelter and you're just getting soaking wet? Madness! I was clearly under shelter. Lol. That was the kinda rain i experienced today.

And its so funny. Sometimes i wonder whether this is seriously true. It seems like it, but yet, you know it just crosses my mind sometimes that it is not true- because in the past i thought it was and ppl tell me no it wasnt because i assumed too much and i thought of it the way i wanted to. and even for now it just seems that it can be so even though things has changed. You can say its cause of mixed signals! )): Anyway dont care la trying not to be bothered abt it.

Plus, i cant stop but wonder what I know of ppl is really the true them. Like whether they are sunday/weekends christians who behave like a christian in church but in schs they are really not the kinda person you know. Or maybe the way they interact with ppl outside etc. It just may happen that ppl are not what you think they are? Cause what you read, or hear and see on suns, may not be what you see from outside? Its like ppl may be portraying an image of who they are from the point of interactions/places you find out abt them, or they say what you wanna hear. I dont know. Its quite interesting to think of the possibilities when you dont see certain aspects of ppls life cause then you dont know whether they are the same everywhere. You know its cause it happens to me when ppl see only a certain side of me, but actually thats what i wanna portray. Like my fren heath from BMT saying im such a positive and EMOTIONALLY STABLE person- but thats because i wanted them to encourage them, thus i dont complain that much, thus i seem positive. Emotionally stable, thats because they dont interact with me on certain issues. I guess faith and r/s issues are the things that could really made me down huh. But im glad my fren was encouraged. =)

It seems so formal, the conversations. And it just seems like i cant and dont irritate some ppl. I dont understand why, when i can be such a suaner and lamer sometimes. Haha.

I just dont produce that joyful face unlike someone can do to you, i guess.

2 songs that lead me to make a big decision, and gave me a peace of mind.

This is the prepare song.

Sanctuary
Jaci Velasquez

Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You

It is you, Lord
Who came to save
The heart and soul
Of every man
It is you Lord
who knows my weakness
Who gives me strength,
With thine own hand.

Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and Holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving I'll be a living
Sanctuary for you

Lead Me on Lord
From temptation
Purify me
From within
Fill my heart with
You holy spirit
Take away all my sin

Lord prepare me to ba sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You

The encouragement to do what ive decided. The reminder, of His greatness, whose footsteps i should follow. Once again, i pour out my life.
For You.

Once Again
Matt Redman

Jesus Christ, I think upon Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times I've wondered at Your gift of life
And I'm in that place once again
I'm in that place once again


And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life


Now You are exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow
But for now, I marvel at Your saving grace
And I'm full of praise once again
I'm full of praise once again

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross, my Friend