Was really stumbled by the specialist today. And even the nurse!!! Was stressed an was in a messy state of mind already. Plus the way the doc treated me, him being unhappy, made me really angry and sad and frustrated plus the earlier few all at once. GRR!!! Took me some time to really calm down.
Things are getting so complicated with my injury. Haiz.
Beauty is only skin deep.
But however,
so is my faith.
Sin is abound in me.
Hello Sunday christian.
No wait, its weekend christian. >.<
Church camp is a distant dream.
So is the cloud of uncertainty of the road ahead of me. For the next one month. For the next 2 years. For the next 5 years.
Don't even talk about beyond that please. I cant even settle whats in front of me.
At least i hope,
the uncertainty ends in this life.
Cause of the hope that awaits me after this life.
Blind and Keeping Silent
Oh wow. It always ends up like that. Having no time to blog. I always would do all kinda other things, then would have no time to blog. And it kinda shocked me that i havent blog for 5 weeks le. It felt like just 1-2 weeks.
Ok. I'll continue this next time. Just briefly say what i can.
I think how an army friend describes it is kinda spot on even though i never really thought of it this way.
OBSESSION!
Is the word to describe my thinkings. Oh well, its scary.
I wonder how long certain things will continue to torment me. There's one in front of me, yet i'm unwilling to take a step forward. Haiz.
I am still, Blind.
I've been keeping quiet for alo of things recently. Well i dont think character wise i've really changed. But someone once commented to me recently that i've become more mellowed. Thinking of it, other that sometimes being really talkative, yea i've kinda mellowed down allowed. Army thought me to be, in the words of Kevin, self-preserving. Have just been so bothered with all the million and 1 things to do. Sai Gang and being the Pao Tui all the time. Mind is always so occupied with trying to get tasks done well. Made me so conscientious recently. All i can think of working and working. I guess it changed me abit. Really about things deep inside me, more secretive things, i've been really quiet about it. Other then Kev, i guess no one else knows. I always wanna say to a certain few, but never really got the opportunity to anyway.
Certain things have been happening in me. Certain changes, certain questions.
But in army, i'm brushing all of em away.
For now.
Songs That Spoke To Me This Week
Blind
Lifehouse
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
Slow Fade
Casting Crowns
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade
Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
2008 Church Camp Theme Song
The Word Is Alive
Casting Crowns
Looking out from His throne, the Father of light and of men
Chose to make Himself known and show us the way back to Him
Speaking wisdom and truth into the hearts of peasants and kings
He began to unveil the Word that would change the course of all things
With eyes wide open, all would see
The Word is alive
And it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless and afraid
Breathing life into all who believe
The Word is alive
And the world and its glories will fade
But His truth, it will not pass away
It remains yesterday and forever the same
The Word is alive
Simple strokes on a page
Eternity's secrets revealed, carried on from age to age
It speaks Truth to us even still
And as the rain falls from Heaven, feeds the earth before it returns
Lord, let Your Word fall on us and bring forth the fruit You deserve
With eyes wide open, let us see
The Word is alive
His Word is alive
