Emotion's and committing my life to Him

Mat 22:35 Then one of them, [which was] a lawyer, asked [him a question], tempting him, and saying,
Mat 22:36 Master, which [is] the great commandment in the law?
Mat 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Mat 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Mat 22:39 And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Mat 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.



You know, for some reason i struggled to not be so emotional the past 2 days, fri sat. I was telling some closer friends that it has not really happened for sometime. I guess cause ive been quite tired after so long time of rest. I think some events created some trigger on fri. Some conversations triggered it, then some ppl started to brush my opinions off during service choir prac that topped it off. I guess she felt her leadership being threatened, but it caused me to be thinking that i shouldnt be there, especially since on one hand im singing praises to God and another im still being pissed.

Today, again the same, a conversation, or a lack of response, triggered some emotional feelings. And somehow, i felt kinda sad when Debbie said she was going overseas(which i kinda forgot), even for awhile. Dont know why. Maybe cause she owes me something for some time now and can't " return" it before she goes overseas. Haha.

THese were a pleasant reminder that ppl DONT CHANGE OVERNIGHT. But oh well, i guess its how you handle them. :-p ANd yes from the verses above, i somehow felt very guilty when jon was asking ppl to send him to the bus stop because he was afraid of trees at night(jon is mentally challenged). And i was like, i kinda see how all of us, myself included, were so selfish. I mean yes jon was being very selfish to even ask ben to send him home. Ben was right ttating brrio want to educate him to not be selfish and whine at us and complain to us. But i dont know, he's irritating, he can take care of himself, wont die going by himself, but i somehow felt that, our response was just one of selfishness. He was selfish, but we treated him with one of selfishness too. Sure we are all busy, but you know, i was thinking to myself, i i can spend 10 min of my time playing a game, what more to do a fovour for a brother? And the hilarious thing is later he spent alot of time watching adam labert videos and perf videos and trying out the hackintosh but we COULDNT SPEND 10 MIN SENDING JON TO THE BUS STOP! What a joke right? Well, lucky for me, this came to my mind, and i decided to do it. Whether or not we should pamper him is 1 issue, but i dont see how this is pampering. When 1 has a huge fear for something do we expect him to overcome it so easily? If i was afraid of the dark would i dare to walk in a dark alley alone?

Selfish, we all are.
I wish i could be less selfish the next time round.

Anyway, i went to run on thurs after tuition got cancelled. Wa i tell you, i prob ran as fast as i could have walked. Like seriously! I couldnt stand it, but thats my fitness lvl now. So i decided to push myself a litlle bit. Yo know but even wehn running, i was thiking a lot, and you know what gave me the adrenalin and the drive and the motivation to run? The thought that i might be going to encourage others to run faster when i become a PE teacher. I mean yes i am experiencing 1st hand how difficult it is building up fitness once again, especially doing it alone, but i guess the thought of encouraging others drived me, and i guess my life is so categorized by this, serving others. I guess it gave me the drive to do alot of things. Mum always say i always serve others when i am not taking care of my own needs(in certain aspects), but hopefully, its a good attribute to have. And yes, running was a great discipline too, i think discipline and strength in character is what diffrentiates a leader from a member, an officer from a men, and i was thinking, which one do i wanna be? Continue slumbering in laziness and not work hard? And so i guess i ran and ran and pushed. Thank God for all those thoughts. XD Adrenalin is really special, it gives you the power you dont have, and guess who i was thinking of amidst of all these thoughts? Who else? The one who sustains and gives me strength.

Today, Han's sharing(though it really felt like a sermon), struck 2 things to me. Do i want to commit my life to God even in my youth just like Daniel and great missionaries like Jim Elliot? Then i was thinking to myself, does my life show this commitment if i want it? No, there is alot to be done. And i want to commit my life to Him, and get down to doing the things i should be doing which are severely lacking.

Don't ask me what's the thing bothering me, i'm trying to sort it out within me. But other than that, like i've been telling ppl, GOD'S BEEN GOOD to me, XD

I really wonder how you're doing, and i wonder whether it ever even came across your mind, or bothers you that we are no longer friends like before. But its ok. I know you are fine even through extremely busy times like now and you're in good hands. All that's left are remembrance and reminiscense of a forgone void.

Blogging Updates

Well oh well. Its some 2 months since i last blogged! Haha. I actually blogged through my hp 2 weeks ago but it falied on me. So then io couldn't be bothered to. Well, currecntly im not & prob might never be really in the blogging mood anymore. This post will contain alot of updates, but all prob short and sweet. :)

1) Thank God for my immediate superior, its only when she's leaving that i learn that even though she's the most HATED PERSON in my office, she's at least very caring. Though she is backstab queen, i start to realize that she still protects me in alot of ways, and concerned with my well being. Well in the midst of others being nice up front and fake and complaining abt you behind your back, i learn that she is so much better. Well, im also finding it increasingly difficult to even want to face the others, cause they seem like they dont want me arnd,so it kinda takes some courage now to even be arnd haiz.

2) Thank God for my unit. There is alot of good things in my unit that you'll never find in "the force"(or so they call iy), alot of priviledges i get that you'll never find too, but oh well. Posting out is a natural process in "the force". So even though i know posting will prob be in a worser and more uncomfortable environment, but oh well, its all training! :-p

3) I found out today that i prob need to take a 1 month bball hiatus. I prob want to use this time to spend it on training jump height hangtime and most imptly fitness. Of course if got opp to play with frens i will play la, but not likely, so i will not go down to my hse bball court anymore. Trng is more impt, and i have limited time.

4) I wish to join frisbee and bball teen games, but i think this is only a dream. Frisbee seems very unlikely cause its too near le. Bball got chance still. Lol. The last year i can participate le. Haiz, i feel so old. SO many years wasted finding my bearings and giftings, spending my whole schling life in the performing arts. I prob can continue in it, but i think long term, i might not want to. AS a choir member, i prob can go to most of singapore's best choirs9well at least in the past), but individually, as a soloist, i cant make it, so i prob might want to just give it up liao.

5)My sunglasses was lost in a taxi, but got it back, broken. -.- *sigh*

6) Thank God for the team. Thank God for the good r/s formed. Thank God for using me in the ministry in yfc. Thank God for the good r/s formed with Boss/Turtle Ee Han. Thank God for a so called good friend in ZL, i think bball and lameness made us good friends. I think also cause i intended to emulate ZL and also Hong Guo in being simple minded, enjoying the simple things in life. I'm too deep and complicated, or at least my mind is. And i am like it that they are simple really.Don't have to think too much abt too many things you know. Just be simple, and thank God for everything.

7) Talking abt complicated, why is this issue so complicated??? I just dislike to think abt it even though my heart keeps reminding me of it. Haiz. It is as complicated as east meets west, dont know how that actually can happen. Trying not to think too much. Reminds me of the troublesome past, which i just dont want to step back, and continue in being the new me.

8)This week, i was kinda reminded, of the past. When i felt it, i was like!!! So irritating, and quickly tried to banish all those old feelings.

9) Thank God for the new simple me. Much less emotional, thank you. But its a constant struggle to improve. You dont change overnight, but you change as time goes by, bit by bit, and i see the daily effort in trying to control the monsters in me. Well, Ai ling calls them monsters. haha.

10) Thank God for sports frenz committee. I'm learning alot from them, growing alot also through it. :)

11) Thank God for free time spent at home. Taught me to be more family minded especially impt for the future. Though i didnt do much, it taught to be more mature. Mum agrees. She say now more mature overnight. Haha. XD

12)I think speaking to dad helped. Had an adult talk with dad. Abt doing business together with him. Talked abt his faith and why he turned away from God. Talked abt what we(the siblings) failed to do when we were apart with dad.Taught me to start to mature, and most importantly, view dad even as a ministry, someone i want to work on, and even spend more time, thus i decided to join in his business. (dad is so business and money focused, thats all he thinks abt when he speak. seems like cant move away from that topic. Hopefully he doesnt read this, cause he started reading my blog!)

13) R/s with ppl in church has deteriorated so much cause ive been spending so little time with them that i feel distant. Its ok thought, dont need to be close to everybody ba. I should give up the idea that they were and ever will be my clique anymore. The clique have scattered le to all over sg and the world. :-p

14) Being simple means, i forget abt r/s with frens. Have to talk to heath, and Kevin! I cant believe i haven't talked to Kevin for maybe even 6 months, didnt felt like it the least bit. We once made the promise that we will keep up the close frenship for many years to come. oh well. We're both busy. Also im very sorry to Heath. Gotta talk to aidross, a close fren from sec sch. CAnt beilieve he initiated to talk to me after so long. MAybe cause army. Haha. Oh yes and joel too! Haiz. And there is still lyd and especially rachel. Bleah. Not having things in common/ not seeing them regularly makes it that much harder to keep up. Cheryl is still, somewhat at the back of mind. Really been too busy to talk with ppl. Maybe cause the new me just dont see the need anymore. Haha. (whats with all the talk of the new me? Lol)

15) I atill dont know what happened to close bro jx from Jc. Just dont know why ever since we ledt jc he like avoids me. Haiz. ( we were once so close that for our class t, my name was bro-nick, his was bro-jx)

16) Eyes quuickly heal pls, and tooth stop hurting quick pls. Today put bottom bracket, so painful.

17) Go listen to the bottom 2 songs. @nd song's lyrics are just so meaningful, especially remembering Jesus' work through the cross. 1st song are good answers to questions non-christians will have. Enjoy!

17) Ok if i go on any longer i no need sleep le. Wah so much updates. Hopefully theres no more! Ok gives me reason not to blog for 3 more months. :-p

18) Troublesome thought, stop disturbing me! Trying to lett God lead and control. Let him show the signs. Bye now! XD

King Of Glory
Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anZojcPu4og

Lift up your gaze
Be lifted up
Tell everyone
How great the love
The love come down
From heaven's gate
To kiss the earth
With hope and grace

Sing

Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty

Lift up your hands
Be lifted up
Let the redeemed
Declare the love
We bow down
At heaven's gate
To kiss the feet
Of hope and grace

There is one God
He is Holy
There is one Lord
Over everything
There is one King
He is Jesus
King of glory
Strong and mighty

You are the King of Glory
The Lord, strong and mighty

Mighty Is the Power Of The Cross
Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkO-D0fatRQ

What can take a dying man and raise him up to life again?
What can heal a wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokenness?
Brokenness

[Chorus:]
Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is the power of the cross

What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones
What can save and overcome?
Overcome

[Chorus]

It's a miracle to me [2x]
And It's still a mystery [2x]
It's a miracle to me
The power of God
For those who believe

Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is .......
Mighty is.......
Mighty is the power of the cross

Thank You for the cross [2x]
Love the cross [2x]
So Powerful...... ohhhhh yeahhh
What can take a dying man?
And raise him up to life again?

Worship You Jesus
By your wounds we are healed
By your wounds we are saved
Mighty is the power of the cross [2x]
Thank You Jesus for the Holy cross

it's been a long time since i took time to blog. it's been a long time. well. i guess i always tell myself if i have the time the blog i should do my qt instead4 well. so i guess i end up never ever making time to blog. today was a sad day. it started froit's been a long time since i took time to blog. it's been a long time. well. i guess i always tell myself if i have the time the blog i should do my qt instead4 well. so i guess i end up never ever making time to blog. today was a sad day. it started fro