Emotion's and committing my life to Him

Mat 22:35 Then one of them, [which was] a lawyer, asked [him a question], tempting him, and saying,
Mat 22:36 Master, which [is] the great commandment in the law?
Mat 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Mat 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Mat 22:39 And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Mat 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.



You know, for some reason i struggled to not be so emotional the past 2 days, fri sat. I was telling some closer friends that it has not really happened for sometime. I guess cause ive been quite tired after so long time of rest. I think some events created some trigger on fri. Some conversations triggered it, then some ppl started to brush my opinions off during service choir prac that topped it off. I guess she felt her leadership being threatened, but it caused me to be thinking that i shouldnt be there, especially since on one hand im singing praises to God and another im still being pissed.

Today, again the same, a conversation, or a lack of response, triggered some emotional feelings. And somehow, i felt kinda sad when Debbie said she was going overseas(which i kinda forgot), even for awhile. Dont know why. Maybe cause she owes me something for some time now and can't " return" it before she goes overseas. Haha.

THese were a pleasant reminder that ppl DONT CHANGE OVERNIGHT. But oh well, i guess its how you handle them. :-p ANd yes from the verses above, i somehow felt very guilty when jon was asking ppl to send him to the bus stop because he was afraid of trees at night(jon is mentally challenged). And i was like, i kinda see how all of us, myself included, were so selfish. I mean yes jon was being very selfish to even ask ben to send him home. Ben was right ttating brrio want to educate him to not be selfish and whine at us and complain to us. But i dont know, he's irritating, he can take care of himself, wont die going by himself, but i somehow felt that, our response was just one of selfishness. He was selfish, but we treated him with one of selfishness too. Sure we are all busy, but you know, i was thinking to myself, i i can spend 10 min of my time playing a game, what more to do a fovour for a brother? And the hilarious thing is later he spent alot of time watching adam labert videos and perf videos and trying out the hackintosh but we COULDNT SPEND 10 MIN SENDING JON TO THE BUS STOP! What a joke right? Well, lucky for me, this came to my mind, and i decided to do it. Whether or not we should pamper him is 1 issue, but i dont see how this is pampering. When 1 has a huge fear for something do we expect him to overcome it so easily? If i was afraid of the dark would i dare to walk in a dark alley alone?

Selfish, we all are.
I wish i could be less selfish the next time round.

Anyway, i went to run on thurs after tuition got cancelled. Wa i tell you, i prob ran as fast as i could have walked. Like seriously! I couldnt stand it, but thats my fitness lvl now. So i decided to push myself a litlle bit. Yo know but even wehn running, i was thiking a lot, and you know what gave me the adrenalin and the drive and the motivation to run? The thought that i might be going to encourage others to run faster when i become a PE teacher. I mean yes i am experiencing 1st hand how difficult it is building up fitness once again, especially doing it alone, but i guess the thought of encouraging others drived me, and i guess my life is so categorized by this, serving others. I guess it gave me the drive to do alot of things. Mum always say i always serve others when i am not taking care of my own needs(in certain aspects), but hopefully, its a good attribute to have. And yes, running was a great discipline too, i think discipline and strength in character is what diffrentiates a leader from a member, an officer from a men, and i was thinking, which one do i wanna be? Continue slumbering in laziness and not work hard? And so i guess i ran and ran and pushed. Thank God for all those thoughts. XD Adrenalin is really special, it gives you the power you dont have, and guess who i was thinking of amidst of all these thoughts? Who else? The one who sustains and gives me strength.

Today, Han's sharing(though it really felt like a sermon), struck 2 things to me. Do i want to commit my life to God even in my youth just like Daniel and great missionaries like Jim Elliot? Then i was thinking to myself, does my life show this commitment if i want it? No, there is alot to be done. And i want to commit my life to Him, and get down to doing the things i should be doing which are severely lacking.

Don't ask me what's the thing bothering me, i'm trying to sort it out within me. But other than that, like i've been telling ppl, GOD'S BEEN GOOD to me, XD

I really wonder how you're doing, and i wonder whether it ever even came across your mind, or bothers you that we are no longer friends like before. But its ok. I know you are fine even through extremely busy times like now and you're in good hands. All that's left are remembrance and reminiscense of a forgone void.