I feel really really used and betrayed. Some ppl took chance of my downfall and used it to his advantage to get ____. Aargh i want to say but am afraid to say. Shucks. Something tells me never to trust ppl. How can i forgive? I dont know how and find it increasingly and increasingly difficult.

I am becoming increasingly wayward in my thoughts. I guess this time of testing is really too tough for me. I would say its probably as difficult as the period when i had A's- it is THE most difficult time with everything hitting me at once.

I find myself increasingly unwilling to get right with God with bitterness, and also because of my own sinful nature. I just cant pray when my heart is unwilling to forgive.

Tmr is an awfully sian day. Hopefully can go to Ben's to chill tmr!

Somebody owes me a horror movie outing.

God calling me back with wonderful singing and wonderful lyrics which is such reminder of God's love. Especially the 1st verse. Haiz. i need forgiveness and i need to forgive. When can i say my chains fell off, and my heart was free?


And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.