Back with lots to say.

OK. So i finally got down to blogging. Ive got so many things to say all the time. But this week, been real lazy to do anything other than to play my ps2. Not been using com much cause all i do when i have time at home is to play my ps2 and it always happen that when i wanna use the com my sisters would be using it so i would be playing my ps2 again. Lol. Hmm, lets see where i wanna start.

Hmm, this might be one of my last few posts before i switch to wordpress. Well, but like i said, i am too lazy, too busy to do it. Been out so often i think its kinda mad. But yes i agree i am slack especially in qt and yes i agree that i got trapped into addiction for gaming again and i didnt realize it until like friday. So its best i dont play anymore. Gonna be busy working i guess this week.

If some of you dont know, i am confirm joining yfc(youth for christ) next year, full time for 10 weeks. its a 9-5 job, 5 and a half day work week, and nights are probably gonna be used up by meeting students from schools and stuff. Gonna be real busy i guess. Dont know how to fit my other commitments too.

Oh what other commitments you say? Well, these commitments are actually things i wished and planned to take up, and im so blessed to get them all that my schedule is mad. Well, for one, im joining dance classes. Im meeting august once a week for vocal training. I'm considering joining an external christian choir recommended by august, but commitment is once a week which seems like i probably dont have the time to take it up. I also wanna take up piano classes for 3 months but its like i think probably cant liao. Not forgetting im intending to gym regularly. Lol. Gym see how lah. I might consider not really gyming so often lor cause i dont have the time lah.

Yf camp wasnt really enjoyable to me. Well, i guess it depends on your objectives that you wanted to achieve when you went for the camp. Mine wasnt met, so i guess i felt shortchanged.

Anyway the truth is, im very bothered by relational issues recently. I mean mostly are friends even. Alot of things lah. Like how someone told me i have too high an expectation of a close friends. I know its my bad, but i dont know why. Im always unhappy cause i guess my close friends are somewhat not meeting up to my expectations Not expectations as a christian or as a person, but as a close friend, meaning how i am treated i guess. I know it sounds very wrong of me to expect things out of relationships, or bluntly, to be served, but sometimes i guess i have needs too and i just feel down that no one is meeting my needs. I'm really saddened by relational issues so much you know. Sometimes when someone makes you feel close and at some point flips the coin and makes you feel unclose and distant with the person. So many so often really makes me have reservations even calling them close, and i just hate it. But i guess cause i expect too much too. Kevin you spoiler lah only you make me feel truly close even when we dont meet each other these days. haha no lah problems already are there i guess. Like i said maybe due to emotionally i'm seeking support, seeking a friend where i can spend time often, and be comfortable with. I dont know lah all these relational issues are really killing me cause you'll never really get an answer. Kevin says thats what makes life interesting. But whatever lah its quite torturing lor.

Time for vague stuff from the heart.

I knew its not gonna be easy. Really. Well, i would say i took it too lightly. And i didnt prepare myself for it. But im always telling myself stop worrying about it. Stop thinking about it. I shouldn't waste my youth on these things but i should spend it for God. Someones advise really struck it home for so many things. If its meant to be, no matter what you do, if God's plan is for it to happen this way, it will happen. I am not talking about things where you can try your best to get it, for eg studies. Its an excuse to say i dont study cause if God wants me to get good grades i will get it. No no. Im talking about things that is not within your control. Like career etc(obviously this is not the issue i have in mind while saying this). Sometimes even when you do your best to consider the many things whether it is really God's plan for you, ultimately, like for career whether God calls you to that job, even when you think so many things are in place and you think it is, God's plan might be otherwise. Aiya im going in rounds but what i think on these issues i have in mind is, if its meant to be, it will happen. If God wants certain things to happen, he don't need you to do it all the time. God's plan will be done, with or without you. God is in control. Though i would say that i of course want certain things my way, but im glad that i know, even if it doesnt, i would still be glad. I am glad about this issue anyway how certain things turned out. Its fine as it is. Though i need some getting use to.

This is my story, and I will never forget it. To me, it is more beautiful than i can ever imagine. Though i would always say its only from my point of view, i dont know. I have reasons enough to call it a story to a certain extent. I guess i need to write it somewhere. So that i can look back and remember, i think i have truly done it before. Not that it wont happen in the future or that the story has ended. My life has not ended lor. This story has not ended. Maybe not yet. :-p Maybe soon? Maybe not? I dont know. I just wanna write it down.

Actually, i have so many things i want to write but only want a select few to know. It is where i can write about thoughts without reservations. I guess i write it vaguely here cause i dont have an outlet for it. Hmm, actually i can just start a private blog from blogger. :-p I dont know i want to find out more about wordpress anyway.

Done talking my fill, for now. =)