Finally i'll say, Im confused in consideration. :-s

Last night was probably a very toiling night. It doesnt seem long, but it was way painful. Hopefully i will never get to feel this way again. That 1 h of sleeplessness, was very hard. I wish there was listening ear next to my bedside. I know God's there. But i just cant draw strength from, i just cant be calmed, and i just cant sleep. If the worse situation of some of the things i can think of now are going to come, i'll probably feel worse that what i felt last night, which just self-induced. Well, at least im glad last night is over and i slept.

Some things these days are striking me more and more to reconsider what i always wanted. It is possibly something that im still not willing to accept now, but God is trying to tell me. Im not sure, and i wish i can give you an answer, which i myself dont have. I should spend some time in deep prayer! Maybe, just maybe, im just worrying too much, and maybe, its just me, who must accept certain things before i can even allow myself to proceed.

I always ask God, why do i always choose to take the tough path when there is an easier one(and my path is the sinful one by the way!). Why in certain things, i rather something challenging when i could've gone for something easier(this is for when neither is sinful i guess)! Anyway, i guess i learned alot through all these. But why do i always choose the hard one(though i even wonder whether i chose it). I guess God is trying to teach this slacker me to constantly take a step up, and at least improve this poor character of mine. Yea i still believe im a very late maturer. If the definition of a book is right, i believe i have great Godly attitude, but poor Godly character! Dont sound right, right? Yea i know.