BBQ last nite..

In case someone knew... i actually deleted my last post cos it was so wrong and actually very pessimistic.. so deleted it... if u read it nt gd.. if u didnt den its ok... better nt noe..

i basically juz said i argued with my family and tt i have big probs in my char tt i have to change esp to my family members... have to sort tt out... also said a few other stuff in very pessimistic tone.. so...

all is vanity...

gotta make tis quick its so late..

juz had a reminder today and it made think again... tt we christians have a joy and bond tt others do nt have.. esp e joy part... its always said tt ull never noe if u do nt try it urself... so why dont anyone try to know more if ppl like us always said its worth it? i guess e thought of having a religion and having to "waste time" can be overwhelming tt ppl shun frm it.. but like we all noe.. all tis time is worth it... and nt everyone has to spend so much time like some ppl(like me) do... if u experience it... ull noe what i mean.. realli...

its a reminder to myself to spread God's love to everyone... so hopefully i can make all of u feel loved.. as i spend time with u all... =)

yest i juz realized our sco performance have to sing all buddhist songs... wah... dun feel comfortable lor.. but juz hav to ignore it... although now i dun feel like performing... zzz..

at nite had bbq for e yf... quite alot of ppl turn up... alot of fd was nt cooked so was wasted.. jx came... gdgd.. at least someone came... and more time spent with him.. :-p juz crapped arnd with him.. too bad other ppl did nt tok to him much.. so felt tt he was quite alone when i had to do stuff for e bbq and e logistics too... so tried nt to allow tt to happen.. i wldnt say it was extremly fun.. but well.. juz glad.. like trish and rui said.. to see so many ppl comin.. :-p

today was quite sian.. soccer came so late so didnt play much... end up feeling i have too much energy so went to jog at nite... always wanted to do so but was too lazy to do so... always procrastinate like today... but managed to get myself to go.. nt i fat pig le.. i lost weight.. but tts muscle mass.. jx say i seem smaller nowadays compared to my older photos.. but actually gained quite abit of fat lor.. heart kinda fat too cannot run fast... but although i dun hav no stamina and determination.. i always feel like i hav lotsa of energy.. after running... and stamina drained... cannot run le.. after a while i still feel like i got alot of energy.. lol.. i always like tt... got "energy" no stamina.. weird weird...

stop secret coding like everyone noe.. haha..

but u noe... i realli dun like realistic ppl... too realistic.. too practical.. always thinking of how to achieve their own goals... an eg is like say praise someone like siao juz to help urself to win... i was reminded of tis incident of someone when i was toking to sl.. and found out... tt im actually very idealistic... and dun like doing things these way... dun like ppls realistic methods.. and tt tis world is like tt concept.. i still do tink.. if u noe how to handle it properly... it can nt be like tt... its hard to do so.. but i believe in ideals.. :-p

recently have nt been treating someone as nice as i wld want it to be... like always only her feel like wanna zhen dui... and almoz no one else... something i gotta learn to change... but hard cos shes like tt.. and e things she does always gets on my nerves... den shes tt kind who dun care dun clear misunderstandings up.. lol.. even al noes lah.. and ask me... den i told him.. like she cares... like i said.. it gets on my nerves.. and we are kinda weird frens.. haha... er.. dun realli noe how to exprain... but haiya wanna noe ask me ill tell u... :-p wish i wld stop treating her like tt.. quite bad lah...

u noe alot of things i realli wanna tell ppl.. but i juz dun noe how.. and if they dun ask.. how u wan me to say.. like tt quite random ah...

actually i found out i have a huge weakness cos i have decided to put myself in tt position... so if someone found out how to exploit it.. oh o...

kinda regret some things i have done.. made me lose a truly possible gd fren.. and now its like...

u are someone who is common everywhere... juz like every other.. which i used to despise... and ignore.. but somehow... i allowed u to break thru... i actually hav a rough idea how it happenned.. and why do i.. but i juz.. cant forget... even though.. i noe all abt it... and tt its nt possible... but i juz cant stop feeling concerned... can u juz.. pls get outta my head.. thank u...