Another day closer to results../ loss of appetite

its tt time of e day again.. and i mean im feeling down.. not anything else.. haha.. rui and tricia was telling me how wrong tis sounds e last time i wrote tis but i cant find a better use of words.. haha... probably my thoughts are kinda extreme now but ya... easily became kinda sad becos of small things.. blame fatigue... lol.. always arnd tis 5-8 esp when im tired.. warning to all my frens to keep watch of me over tis time...

my relatioship with my mum became so bad tt she totally did not buy me dinner yes cos she told me she wouldnt when she is angry and she really did.. today got dinner cos i bought dinner for them.. dead hungry but dun feel like eating...

nowadays always no appetite.. u noe what.. NEVER im my(short legged) life (haha) have i lost my appetite over a period of time.. N.E.V.E.R.!!! dun noe why.. i noe my intake would cut down since ive not been exercising.. but tis is to e point tt hungry but dun feel like eating.. my stomach has been real bad i guess..often having stomach upset, pain in stomach(like today during choir) and lost of appetite.. i always look forward to meal times u noe.. but now i dont feel like eating.. weird...

u noe i noe tt now im down tts why i think like tt.. but i kinda feel e past year is like fake and ive been pretending or something.. ive been always real close to guys and guys only... but tis year... makes me feel like a girl... haha... mood swings and stuff... disgusting i wld say.. but ya... tis is what ive become...


u noe i cant help but realize how true e former jasmine(former referring she left overseas.. haha) said abt me... we noe how weird she can get and stuff.. but i guess i noe and some ppl noe tt how accurate she can be in these things.. she used to boast to me tt she understands how a guy behaves.. and is always spot on in these things..(btw jasmine is prob almost 30 by now.. haha..) i juz cant believe how true e things she said.. last time i said ya i guesse i might be so.. but now it seems so true tt i cant believe it myself... abt me unable to let things go or forget things... oh well...

nothin ever made sense...
i dont like task ppl and how insensitive they are... but yet... and all these close frens are so...

i prob noe why tis things happenned but i juz cant believe how it threw away all logic in me..

crap need to slp to drown these lethargic and sorrow feelings... tts where it started anyway.. gd nite.. im taking a nap and do pw only later at nite lah..

oh btw.. today was quite a fun day actually.. inter hse and all.. although more tiring than fun it seems i felt today was... im super unfit now.. gotta go workout more... if i can find e time to lah tis week... nxt week is like.. haha.. dun think i will...


after 2 and a half hrs of slp.. i feel like vomiting.. although i fully finished(almost) my dinner.. i feel like vomiting...

u noe.. today zhang quan was saying hey do u wanna get gold wiith honours anot.. i only heard a few enthu voices.. i was like yes.. but i juz hav tis non-commital feeling.. cos i dun noe whether ill be arnd to give it a go.. yup..

u noe i can imagine e scenario of us getting back our papers... moz of them wld be complaining.. never do well enuf... yada yada.. den me.. quietly at e side getting back my paper... afraid to tell anyone abtr my results.. even afraid to take a look at it... i realli juz hope nobody(including me) wld breakdown.. i wonder if anyone did imagine... e looks on ppls faces.. i do.. i could imagine every single of em in class... after a bad paper... a not so bad paper.. i could not imagine whether anyone would break down... but i could imagine who wld...

u noe.. recently im afraid to even look at my teachers in e eye.. i think they kinda give me tt kinda feeling even if i do... e feeling tt i failed.. i noe it.. today Gohel is an eg.. haiz... whenever ppl see teachers talk abt results talk abt papers.. i dun wanna be there... haiz... i kinda am numb to teachers consolation tt all of us wld promote.. i noe my situation... i guess.. no wait.. i noe everything is now up to e Father...

off to pw... ee dun like..