im very very bothered...

yay... finally can blog my heart out... im so happy lah... aidross lend me internet den can do wr also... =) but den... on a more serious note... i wanted to blog so much becos im down....

hmm... lets see where to start... first... im very very bothered.. my mind is always so occupied... tues nite.. kept thinking abt tt... slp.. wake up... den think of it again... den slp again... den wake up again...
i feel stupid...
cos i cant get it off my mind...
i cant help but notice...
tt u seem to avoid me or treat me somewhat coldly..
or is it me who is doing so?
i wld always wonder..
and i wld be always bothered..
u dun seem to be bothered actually..
but..
it seems tt u are...
im so afraid i have mistaken...
whether what i think is true..
yet im so afraid its true..
cos i told u before...
i cant unless u are what i am...
...
...
or am i mistaken?

i thought abt it for some time last nite... i will talk after promos... i have to do something abt it... or nt tis might go on forever... its very painful... cos its like affecting my studies too much tt i cant study... these are signs of a retainee... which i cannot afford to be... until den.. i promise myself i wun think abt it anymore...

God..
u noe e situation which no one noes exactly... i pray for wisdom to handle tis... u noe how much tis affects me... u noe i dun want it to be like tt... u noe what i realli want... but yet i cant control it... U noe how much tis affected me... including my walk Father... u noe i almost cant take it anymore... but Father... juz pray tt my decision wld be one tt wld be pleasing to u Father.. and i will always remember and am always sure... u will always be no1 in my life...
Amen.