I juz dun understand... / my future... my dream...

Today... i was speaking to one of my frens abt heaven(sorry dun wanna put ur name here) and life after death... abt christianity... den she was saying she never thought abt it... which kinda implied she didnt care... well... not becoming a christian is 1 thing... but how could one not wanna go to heaven if there is? it juz kinda struck me abt e same reasons other frens told me... didnt thought of it... dun realli care... den i thought to myself... thank God... tt my mum was a christian despite my father not being one... thank God... tt i came to sg... thank God... tt i suddenly thought to myself... why do i call myself a christian when i didnt go to church... thank God... tt i found shalom(my church)... tt how great and nice e ppl there were... and they lead me to noe God... thank God... tt tts how i got to noe abt life after death.. how important it is... tt it set me thinking abt these things... if i never started to go to church... i might never think abt it... juz like my frens... maybe its juz my character to think alot abt things.. maybe... but i realli dun understand why ppl dun wanna think abt these things?

today... mel wee was saying tt her mum's colleagues only son frm ri died at e age of 14... den ze said.. it makes us think alot abt things.. like what is our purpose in life... really... i thought does it take a relative, a fren or even an immediate family member to pass away... to question urselves... to think will i see my fren in heaven? will i be in heaven? why do i live for? money? happiness? a clear conscience? if i were put into any of a deceased family members shoes... and thinking... oh no... will my whatever be in heaven? or suffering in hell? i tell u... i would be extremely sad for e deceased becos i dont noe whether he would go to heaven... what happens if he doesnt? wouldnt u wanna do anything abt it? SERIOUSLY???

i remember at e start of sch in mj... maybe not start but midway e second term.. our ct asked us to think abt our future... what would u wanna be? i remember my classmate bernard said something abt being a rich business man.. one with a villa and dunno what dunno what... and at tt time... i could tell u... i gave a big sarcastic smile.. if not for jx... i might've told the class abt mine... becos i thought to myself.. so u become rich? will u ever say its enuf? will u be happy? can u prevent urself frm dieing? when u die.. can u bring ur riches along? or say to God can i pay using my money so tt i wont go to hell? seriously.. if u tink u have kept a clear conscience... when u see God... do u think God will say gd.. ur conscience is clear... off to heaven u go? how abt those ppl who become rich by embezzling or some dirty means... even very minor ones.. he would also say... my conscience is clear!!! if u tink doing gd can get u to heaven? den whats e standard? will God say my standard is doing gd 100 times? gd u juz nice got 100... off to heaven u go? what happens to a serial killer.. who later repented and managed to do a 100 gd deeds before he dies? will he go to heaven? seriously... whats e standard???? a sin is a sin... no matter how many gd deeds we do... will God say... ur gd deeds are way better than ur bad deeds??? lets say u committed 100 sins.. lets say theres different degrees of sin.. say maybe ure sins total up to 200 bad points(lol)... den ur gd deeds got 201 gd points... will God say 201-200=1 gd u did more gd deeds than sin.. off to heaven u go? lets use another eg.. say u killed someone... will e judge say.. last time u donated alot to charity.. and somehow he noes u did alot of other gd deeds.. den will he say nvm i dont punish u... and he reward u even(let u go to heaven)!!! if u believe tt tis is true what... den i really got nothing to say...

if u dont... den wouldnt u wanna go to heaven? how abt ur family members... anyone with cancer?? who might die soon... or grandparents?? who might die anytime soon.. wont u want someone u hold so dearly to go to heaven too? if u dont tell them now... who noes whether they'll get a stroke and die tmr? den would u think crap i shld have told them how to get to heaven.. or when u die u see God and u tell Him no one told u... will God say.. ok... since no one told u... nvm i give u chance.. u can go to heaven??? if God juz wanted ppl to do gd deeds den can go to heaven... im sure alot of us could.. but what happens if God... who is 100% righteous... say tt u can only go to heaven u dont commit any sin(mind u even lying is a form of sin...) if u think haiya no lah dun commit any major sin can liao... who told u tt? urself? how big is major? who decides e degree? urself? God is perfect.. becos he is God.. he wont lie rite? so does He lie? so does He think u shld lie? if He doesnt do something... do u think u shld do? den do u consider tt sin? God being loving too... obviously made a plan for us to not go to hell becos we all will sin... he noes tt... tts why we cannot save ourselves... only thru Jesus..

tis are all my thoughts and on things ive learned... sorry abt my very long posts and my very strong emotions... but i realli want my frens to noe juz how impt tis is.. and i can tell u.. u can be assured tt u can go heaven now... rite now.. if u bother to ask... and if u will believe... i can tell u... it can be now... haiz... if anyone would understand my cry....

oh... and if u want to noe what i wanna do or be? what i wanna have... its very simple actually.. but only if u ask me den ill tell... =) oh and to my fren srry if i sounded like im attacking what u said or something... alot of things is what struck my mind when u said it so its not personal attack.. please dun mind k?