breaking free i thought i had.. Everything bothers me it is...

U noe what… I realli can go crazy these days…everday my mums like yelling at us arnd e hse... scolding me also... reprimanding me for all tt i do... frm soccer to bleach... it always ended up me and her having heated arguments... juz hate those words which she used on me during e argument... she pokes at me like a needle disturbing a balloon.. ready to burst at any time... my minds been playing tricks on me too much... i get bothered by e many actions e ppl arnd me make... i get very bothered tt i am being what i am now... being very hyper at whatever i do... being so playful and so like dun care when actually everything bothers me... maybe not studies which is what my class always do but... its actions which bother me...(well studies are a part of actions) tis thought always comes to my mind head once i did something which i felt wasnt comfortable... What i did, was it rite? these thoughts can kill me... i feel abit hypocritical now... what i always strongly believe in is being thrown back at me... e mistakes which i believed i would never make barged thru my life and mocked me... i feel real superficial... everything now is like superficial... when will it all go away...when will i learn...

u noe today sathya said something tt realli bothered me too... i guess i will bid tis class gdbye... noeing tt my results are way further than what e class is... e task seems daunting to me... i was never smart... nor hardworking... to be able to remain in tis class will be like bro jx said... by God's grace... although he meant it positively... i juz dun see anything positive rite now... why do i have to come to a class like tt? den realize i wld never want to leave it? well maybe tis class may nt be perfect... but its these bonds tt still tie me down to tis sch... maybe now its nt a ques whether i could promote anot... its whether i could stay here... in tis class.. i dun like how they would talk abt studies.. talk abt doing well... cos i dun realli care... as long as i could go thru and eventually do alrite for a's... but e bonds are something tt dun come at a snap of a finger... i dunno how it wld feel like if i was still in tis sch but in a diff class... being so close... however yet so far.. tt our friendship stops there.. i dun wanna try... i dun wanna think abt it... if tt is so.. maybe another sch might be better..
maybe...

i dun noe why my mind keeps playing tricks with me... go away can?? haiz.. why is my mind so logical yet so emotional? they sometimes dun coincide... logically i noe its wrong... but emotionally it always gets e better of me by disturbing me... crap make me stone doing lessons...

woah... i never noe its tis depressing until i write it all out here... stupid high I mind... now am at super low point... crap... i am always so cheerful.. but yet at times like tis... juz at these times... i become like tt... U noe i realized tt so many of my gd frens are high D or C.. have only managed to find one close fren who is one... wah lao i love his advice... yeah its u rui... =)

well at least i will remember my mind was tis bad at tis time... tis bad till eyedrops almost rolled down my cheeks.. almost...

relax.. maybe im nt tt bad as i write i am...
maybe..