Learning to walk in His footsteps

The end of another chapter: The Smile at the traffic Junction

2011-12-16T04:28:00.002+08:00

I think theres no more hope to clinging to this. But i just want to remember that smile, at that traffic junction. Well there is no picture(s) that can replicate that image in my mind. And I only can say that, I probably had the chance, but i let it slip. When i wanted to build this relationship again, it is stuck. Now that you seem to have moved on, i probably should too.

Will again, always remember that image.

Empty

2011-07-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

Aftter an emotional roller coaster day, This somehow describes it. I'm staring out of my window, searching for you .

Where'd you go? I miss you so.

2011-07-24T01:08:00.000+08:00

So where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Is this the end that you want? Do you want to tell me that we're walking in opposite directions?

Sometimes when you dont desire it, it comes to u.
But when you desire it, it just never comes.

Maybe I should close this chapter nicely for once.

[7] "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. [8] For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. [9] Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? [10] Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? [11] If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! [12] "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. [13] "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. [14] For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. - Mat 7:7-14 ESV

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. - 1Jo 5:14 ESV
And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. - 1Jo 5:15 ESV

[11] For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. [12] Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. [13] You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. - Jer 29:11-13 ESV

[3] Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. - Jer 33:3 ESV

[23] Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. [24] Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mar 11:23-24 ESV

Mat 21:22

And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."

Psa 10:17

O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear

Mat 6:33

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Answers?

2011-07-24T00:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes what you want is not what God wants.
Sometimes what you want is not what others want.
Sometimes ppl tell you what they think God wants.
Sometimes you become unsure of what God wants.
So who can be surer of what God wants for you?
Others, ppl, or yourself?
Or is it because you want to think God wants this for you?
I NEED ANSWERS!

Chasing after your shadow

2011-07-18T02:29:00.001+08:00

I wish you were able to explain things. Its been a month already. More actually. I feel like I'm chasing after your shadow. And there isn't anything much I can do if you're avoiding like that.

Can you at least give me an answer?

I guess i can do nothing but pray.

2011-05-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I am sad, but what can I do? But to learn, to lean, to walk and to still love Him more and more through each experience, that He becomes the foremost love. Maybe, just grief for 1 night.

Pain, in the heart. But its gd, early is gd. The heart is a deceitful creature.
[5] Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. [6] In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. - Pro 3:5-6 ESV

Love

2011-05-06T00:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i question God, why am i so relational? Why do i love, yet was never loved? When will she come by? It's such a hard struggle.

As someone just left today, i was a little heart stricken by some of her actions. It felt like i should know the answer. Well, thinking about it, I shouldn't expect her to be like my mum, to accept someone younger. I really admire my dad's courage actually. How did he even muster the courage to like, court, and marry someone older. Its mind boggling to me to say the least. But the glad thing i'm learning from this, i'm starting to learn to like someone, more and more for Godly reasons, which is great. But truthfully, i know its too soon. I barely know her. I just want to be friends for a long time to come. I guess friends is good enough and i don't want to spoil a friendship. I guess i need to make back the 1 year pact, of knowing someone for a year first.

But my emotions are very strong and very deceiving creatures. I was just so emotional just now thinking of some the things that happened that i felt so emotional. Plus the bad things that happened earlier, made things worse. I felt like telling her, but didn't have the opportunity.

Love love, i'm always bothered about love. The other thought that came to my mind was, when will i stop being bothered about the cares of this life?

[34] "But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap. - Luk 21:34 ESV

Sian. Oh when will i learn to love God more....

Grateful for your existence

2011-04-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

Whether this develops or not, im grateful for your existence, im my life. :)

Giving Up, Not!

2011-04-11T14:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you just want to tell yourself, give up. Give up. Why persist? Its all clear. Sometimes life problems just makes u want to give up, maybe, just be a bum. Stop studying maybe. Stop trying so hard to obey Christ. It brings alot of suffering and pain right? But i'm thankful, for God's word and His messenger to speak to me ytdy!

http://ymiblogging.org/2011/04/odj-covered/

Discouragement is a sneaky enemy because it leads to a slow bleed, a gradual erosion. As the battles become difficult and the results delayed, discouragement settles in, layer upon layer, until we’re ready to give up.

“be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

We have the choice to become covered with disbelief or faith. Joshua trusted God’s promises so much that he voiced them to others (Joshua 1:6,9,10:25) and, consequently, led an entire nation into God’s freedom. It begs the question: What are our lives reflecting to others—discouragement or deep trust in God?

—Regina Franklin

And the reflection question goes, "How can you learn to trust God more and not give up?" Yea. Do my life reflect discouragement or a deep trust in God? Persevere, my dear friend! Never give up! Yea! And maybe u'll get a layout score! :)

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=446530941310

Encouraging Verses!!!

2011-04-11T13:18:00.004+08:00

Rejoice always! - 1 Thess 5:16

In Chirst all will come to life again. - 1 Cor 15:22

Blessed are those who hear the word of the Lord and keep it. - Luke 11:28

And he said: Go into the world and preacht he word to every creature! - Mark 16:15

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. - Ecclesiastes 28:20

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding - Pro 3:5

Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God - 1 Kings 3:5

Show me your ways, oh Lord. Teach me your paths. - Psalms 25:4

With God all things are possible - Matt 19:26

[35] Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. - Jhn 6:35 ESV

[8] I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. - Psa 32:8 ESV

[1] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; [2] in you I trust, O my God.. - Psa 25:1-2 NIV

[12] Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. [13] You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. - Jer 29:12-13 NIV

[28] "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. [29] Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [30] For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Mat 11:28-30 NIV

[33] But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. [34] Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Mat 6:33-34 NIV

[4] Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music; - Psa 98:4 NIV

[8] Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double‑minded. [9] Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. [10] Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. - Jam 4:8-10 NIV

2011-01-30T00:47:00.001+08:00

My God is an awesome God! And for what He has done, i am grateful! He answered my prayers again! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! :D

Recently, i 've been wanting to post these pics. Its been a yearning to embrace God! :)

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great
How great is our God

2010-08-20T02:07:00.000+08:00

Maybe i should make it clear. I no longer like you. Its in the past. I only wanna be ur bro! which part of that do you not understand.

Ok maybe i should listen to advice and chill.

2010-08-19T02:06:00.000+08:00

I think i still miss talking to you.

Love, as a Brother

2010-08-16T01:27:00.001+08:00

You know. Sometimes i think to myself, why am i always just so concerned. It feels stupid, it feels like you will never reap any benefits, will never gain anything, but im always still concerned. I guess thats called a brother.

I was right. I guessed right. Though i may not know you very well now, slowly, bit by bit, im beginning to understand what concerns you, what is important to you, and what troubles you.

Just glad though that you didnt disappoint. Still my sis. :) Though its not hinged on that, but im still glad.

Though your methods i disapprove. It is a bad testimony to the non christians who see the status. It is a bad testimony if they know the truth. We should live above reproach. We should be blameless before others and God. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear. They can say all they want, but why fear when you have nothing to fear, and have to resort to lies again? What happened to what was said in the 10 commandments, that "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor" in exodus 20:16? But its your choice. Its your life. Everyone makes wrong choices. Everyone sins. But the important thing is, realise it, turn to God, repent, and seek him again, and His name shall be Glorified through you. Again, i say this, out of concern, out of brotherly love. I just wanna help.

Though so often i dont know how to bring it across. Though so often its awkward. Though so often i want to help, but i cannot do much or even anything anymore. Though i have failed as a bro. Though we might never talk again. Though you might never read this. There is no love lost. And through all the saga, through all the crushes and the emotions. It is put in place. You are my sis. That is all. That is how it will be. And i will always support you, from the stands.

And this is my prayer. That i shall forgive. I shall be patient. I shall be slow to anger. And I shall watch my words.

Loves,
Your Brother

Prayer For a Friend

2010-08-14T00:13:00.002+08:00

Prayer For A Friend
Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OC7aGj-E14

I lift my friend, to You.
Complicated circumstances
have clouded his view.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.

I fear that I won't have the words
that he needs to hear.
I pray for Your wisdom , oh God.
And a heart that's sincere.
And Lord I lift my friend up
to You.

Lord I lift my friend to You.
My best friend in the
world, I know he means much
more to You.
I want so much to help him, but
this is something he has to do.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.

There's a way that seems so right to him.
But You know where that leads.
He's becoming a puppet of the world.
Too blind to see the strings.
And Lord I lift my friend up to You.

Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.

I dont want to hear that name

2010-08-12T03:25:00.001+08:00

Feels like a grey area in me that i dont want to think abt. Its like a stumbling stone. Its just me to really hate not being ok with ppl. And whenever i see that person im like grr you know. Its like you know one of those things that you know it was your fault and you jut cant do anything to make up for it. That person's name has suddenly become like sensitive topic, like i dont want to hear that name.

Haiz. This is where learning to rely on God and praying comes in. So difficult.

Joanne Soh is very rou mah. Yes i said it! HAHA. And i know you read this.

I wonder how many more silent readers are out there. Hmmn.

2010-08-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

You're not alright. But its ok. Ill always try.

Does Anybody Hear Her
Casting Crowns

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

Never even met her
(Never Even Met her)

(OHHHHH)Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? (Does anybody hear her?) Does anybody see? (Does anybody See?)
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple (shadow of her steeple)
With all the lost and lonely people (Lost and Lonely people)
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

Good times, not so good times

2010-08-10T00:36:00.002+08:00

The good times probably only lasted 10 min. The 10 min alone. After that, all you wanted was him- tall, smell good, 8 packs, ur old flame. Thats why we are gd friends, and will always be. :)

I admit, i miss trng and playing in a structured manner. Too messy for me, after reaching this level. I wish i'll be back soon. :)

Our Daily Journey: beyond sentimental slogans

2010-08-09T01:56:00.002+08:00

Passage on today's Quiet Time.

Love

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.a Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”b says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”c

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Live in harmony with one another? Lol. I try.

According to Scripture, true character is revealed through conflict. “Bless those who persecute you,” the apostle Paul told the Romans (12:14). “Never pay back evil with more evil,” he wrote (v.17). We’re not to take revenge, Paul reminds us, but to conquer evil with good (vv.19-21).  

Oops. True character of mine revealed. Dang!

Ytdy was meeting day and rebuilding of faith again!

2010-08-09T01:21:00.002+08:00

Its a break from nyp ulti and yk. You can say hiatus from trng for awhile.

Photos from ytdy.

POD (prayer grp) IC's meeting and area meeting in the morning. Taking time off to celebrate ppl's birthdays

Carpenter's tools, a traveling christian evangelistic band. Didnt know they existed so long ago.

Camp Orion, Start of the journey with YFC, 5 years ago.

1st ever teengames brouchure. Geared to the times, anchored to the rock! YEA!

Breakout meeting in church

Worship

Teen Accountability Group (TAG) bible study

2010-08-08T00:25:00.004+08:00

Finally feel refreshed after some time, despite fatigue and lack of sleep. Funny, i actually didnt want to post or talk too much, even on the blog- cause i do talk too much. I realised, i need to learn to be quick to listen, slow to speak. Ive even wanted to start photoblogging- showing photos of what my day has been. But this is important. Important for me to record down the conversations i had with a fellow bro that has encouraged me much and caused me to think alot.

God is faithful. He wil never leave you or forsake you. I think this has been the conclusion i have been gaining from the past 2 months of turmoil. My life has been a mess. And i feel so ashamed of it. Hearing that my mentor has even read this, made me feel even more ashamed. That i have allowed emotions to rule and mess up my life. I feel ashamed that i have strayed away from a focused and determined r/s with God since sch started. Though he has tried to encourage me a few times through His word, i still strayed. I came to a realisation that i am starting to want to remain in this messed up state, just like how it was 2 years ago. The things that come to mind, the thought processes are similar.

Had a good chat with my bro in christ. He was right in pointing out to me that once we were deep in sin, we would want to remain in that state. Sin is always pleasurable. It is always deceitful. Just like thoughts of loneliness. Just like negative thoughts. Just like not prioritising my time. Just like being unable to focus to study for exams, and be distracted, to be down. And bro taught me to learn to try control it so much by my own strength, but learn to pray in a way we often do not realise is impt- to lament to God. To learn to seek God, asking why. There are reasons why God do not curb some sinful habits we may have, despite strongest efforts. In the book of Job, Jeremiah, Psalms, Lamentations, they all lamentated. There is a place for prayer like this that we often neglect, and i must learn to even do so. Hopefully, it'll help.

My bro, is a lawyer to be. Funny, how our conversation stemmed from him questioning me on how i might oversimplify things of the faith with the things happening around us. It came from the line between law and the faith, which eventually led to how we may be led to not answer others things regarding the faith beyond simply what the bible says. How the church or ppl like us attending church has failed to think or relate things of the faith with this world. It is blind faith. Like worship being a fuzzy, warm feeling, or emotional.

Then we talked abt relationships. I am facing a few friends who are having non christian relationships. And we talked abt it. the immediate verse that came to mind was 2 cor 6: 14-18.

2Cr 6:14-18 NIV - [14] Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? [15] What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." [17] "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." [18] "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

Funny, he had to intentionally challenge me about whether im very sure it speaks of being together with an unbeliever. So what does it mean to be with an unbeliever? Does the verse only talk abt marriage? Means bgr can? Or does it mean we cannot even fellowship or mix with an unbeliever? We all know that the answer to these qn is a resounding no. But, these are things that a non believer will ask and say. And we must be prepared to answer them, and be convicted of it ourselvess. Like how if you're tgt with a non christian, in the verse, God will not consider you as His children.

Then we shared abt how difficult it is to know, but doing it is a whole diff matter. I struggled with it a few years ago. And now then i realise, its so plain and obvious in the bible, and how was i able to convince myself of otherwise! And he also shared to me abt his fren's struggle, despite knowing that she was sinning against God, and going home everyday but to cry abt her rebellion against God.

Well, some frens, you just have to trust that they'll hear, and that the Holy Spirit will convict them. Some like my good friend, who is a superficial christian, is a diff matter. We were all talking abt helping diff ppl, we have to use diff approaches. Its not going to be easy. Its not so straightforward. Thats with dealing with ppl.

And sometimes, as bro has sad, we must be very careful, to correct out of love, and not to appear like we are on moral high ground. I know i may appear like im being judgemental sometimes. And thats the problem that comes with correcting without reasoning. Just saying that the bible says so wont convince or convict so easily. Bro's emphasis to me is, correct with love. But i am. It is out of concern, it is out of love. I do not want to lose a sis in christ, but im often mistaken. I always want to help, but im often mstaken. I guess i should be more careful to convince, and not correct. I hope they understand.

Another aspect is testimony. What kind of testimony do we show to others when we are in a relationship with a non christian. Our testimony to the friends around us will all go to smoke. How do we explain our faith!

In a bid to be closer to You, its fb hiatus. I need to surrender- surrender technology for awhile. :)

ok im distracted. later.

Pain i shall conquer you

2010-08-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

Psa 119:28 NIV - My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

Isa 51:11 NIV - The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Pain i shall conquer you.

Now STUDY STUDY STUDY!

2010-08-05T14:47:00.001+08:00

Die la. Failed 1 prac and then now fail 1 more paper cause i was sick and never go. tmr better not fail! Zz.

2010-08-05T14:05:00.000+08:00

Haha. I found out something funny. someone likes "you" too. NAICE. Go take it.

2010-08-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

Seems like i always step on someone's toes huh, When will i ever learn.

looks like we'll never really be frens again.

2010-08-04T00:07:00.001+08:00

This place has been my emotional dumping ground the past few weeks esp since sch started. Unfortunately, i think it has served the wrong purpose. It has given ppl a wrong impression of me, and i have made myself even more emotional just by always coming back here to complain and rant and what not. In the past it served that purpose, and now the whole reason i started blogging again, was to serve the same purpose. And the reason why i stopped blogging the past year before sch started, was obviously cause i had no emotional burden. But i think this has to stop. I have ti stop being emotional and it starts here. I have done all the drastic measures needed. All i need to do now is tahan for 2 weeks or so. And it'll be all ok again.

A friend whom has been helping with my walk recently gave me another good advice: Its ok to like someone. Its perfectly normal. Its just what you do with that liking. I have been killing myself for liking someone. I need to learn that its ok. I just need to learn to let go, and to be in full control. The diff part comes when you harbour hopes. So dont. Unless that person clearly opens it for you.

It has been so much of a self-inflicted misery. Stupid me.

As a guy, i realised i cannot allow others into my emotions and thoughts. I realise i cannot be soft, and cannot allow others to think im soft. Its a barrier i should not have allowed others into.

People choose others stronger than them. The strong will always seek the stronger. The big will always seek the bigger. Facts of life. Everyone wants security. Everyone wants to lean on someone stronger. no one seeks someone weaker.

Today was nostalgia. Xh, maureen and I were just sitting at amk hub recollecting our childhood: from music (jay chou, wang lee hom, tao ze, she, westlife, s club 7) to cartoons (casper, captain planet, looney tunes, dumb and dumber etc) - it was an exciting journey. Youth is always so pure. Just like how you got to know someone new and the conversations you have. And funny the 1st song i heard (which sparked the topic) from jay chou reminded me of the 1st person ive ever dated. Reminiscence is always nice.

I miss beach. This wasnt beach pickup but i miss it. I think it was waikiki. but I want to go back soon!

Time for drastic measure 2

2010-08-03T01:13:00.005+08:00

He can see and guess and read things well, cause he's the overseer. Im thankful that he understands what is happening, and allows me to do what i need to do. Im shocked he could even tell who. Salute!

It has become a symbol of something. A phenomenon known as symbolic interactionalism. And i have to change that symbol away.

Desperate measure 1 implemented.

Now for desperate measure 2: Project Disappear.

Don't forget to pray! Things may change, God never changes. He is always faithful. :)

Rejoice In The Lord

God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord
though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song.

Refrain:

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Saviour instead,
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away.

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

Philippians 4:8 (English Standard Version)

⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

2010-08-01T16:35:00.000+08:00

I have decided,

to take drastic measure 1.

Why Lord?

2010-08-01T01:01:00.005+08:00

I wanted to post this a few days ago, but couldnt find the time to.

Its not cause of what you do or what you're good at. Its cause of who you are and what you're like.

But why do i feel like im still chasing a dream? Like the past? why do i feel like its cause you have some special ability? Just like the last one? It is not! It has nothing to do with that. It is cause of who you are.

Why do i feel like im tortured like 2 years ago? though circumstances are vastly different, what happened 2 years ago sank such a deep cut in me. And why do i feel like you're fast becoming the next!

What happened 2 years ago, cant be described in words. I would think of her like every other day, especially in army. But things didnt turn out well, and i sank into half a year of depression. It may some lame with my current descriptions, but i just cant give too much detail. Thankfully, i didnt have heavy responsibilities then. I just need to eat sleep and move on to the next day. but it was a horrible half a year. The thing that helped me pick up was serving in ministry again and finding joy in playing bball. i would just pick up my ball and head down to court and shoot, and play. I missed the swoosh feeling. Just played it ytdy which made me miss it alot too. But the last one caused half a year of depression.

I thought it made me stronger. I was wrong. I am wrong. The only reason im not crumbling now its cause i have responsibilities that i cant crumble and i have to fight them. But im now in the torture phase. Why? Why you? Why does it have to be like this? Why do you have to be the next? Why do i have to do the same things again and be emotional again. Why does the ugly side of me have to come out and try to eat me up again?

Why cant i take no for an ans? Why does it torture so much? Im missed church because of this- because i cannot resolve it. Its taking my life away. Im going to fail all my exams- and no one will accept this as an excuse of failing. I cant focus, i cant concentrate. There isnt a single day esp recently that you wont come to mind. Its like a sticker pasted into my brain, and i just cant remove it no more.

Unless....

I take drastic measures....

I am totally at a lost. And i cant handle this anymore.

Why have i been lying to myself? Why Lord have you not answered my prayers? Why Lord have you not helped me forget this? Why Lord, does it hurt so much?

2010-07-29T23:23:00.000+08:00

I wonder why somethings just linger in my mind so much and i cant remove them. Now, i must really pray when the thought comes to mind. It has become such a bother. Hai.

2010-07-29T23:00:00.001+08:00

Cant find the photo of the image in my head. Always cant. But this is the closest i can find. I dreamt of a fren a few days ago. I think it was tuesday night. Though i would gladly not like to see that person in my dreams again ( i shant say why), but the funny thing is, i imagined the family members to all have the same hairdo! The thought of it is funny, but yet, trying not to be reminded of it.

OK no more. 1st and last. Dont come and disturb me in my dreams again. 1 is difficult enough.

Dont be like the last.

Stumbled.

2010-07-27T23:04:00.001+08:00

I dont know how to say this but, i really dont understand. Why am i burdened with something i cannot handle? Why can't other christians around me see the things the same way? I see it in class, i see it everywhere. Sometimes i dont even know whether to call them bro or sis- because our understanding of God is so diff.

Some treat him like a genie; some treat him as a means of salvation, but do not seek to live as His children;.
Some spend all their time doing things of this world, but do not even spend an hour a day with You. Some love themselves more than You, some love other ppl more than You.
Some sing praises to you all the time, but they only know how to give their emotions, but not their mind. what is worship? Mindless singing of songs? Going to church every sun/sat?
Some pray to you everyday, but do they even know you? Do they read Your word, which is just as though you are speaking to us? Do they even know what You want in their life? Do they know their purpose? Do they know what you desire in them?
Some dont even pray.

Actually, i am guilty of some of it. But why? why do i need to understand, and not have any support arnd me? Why do i need to understand, and feel dissappointed by all those arnd me? How do i help them understand, that somethings are wrong to do? How can i help them understand, that this is not the right mindsets to have? Help me change Lord, and I pray that you'll send someone, to help me change too.

Feel so discouraged and stumbled.

2010-07-26T01:14:00.003+08:00

disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted
disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusted disgusteddisgusted
disgusted disgusted.

ok no more. time to press the reset button again.

Just a closer walk with Thee

2010-07-25T14:02:00.001+08:00

I have not been doing things that i need to do abt my faith. Missed church last 2 weeks cause im a little sick. And today got scolded by sis abt my attitude to being late for church. I think i have been a little complacent with my faith that i have not been doing qt, not been doing much purposeful, regular prayer again. Not been doing bs, and reading God's word. I really miss that. I have been influenced to change. To be quick to anger. To conform to ppl and the standards of this world. God, help me to change.

God i wish to be closer to you. And i wish to know more abt you.

Looks like my blog has started becoming my outlet again, after a lack of it recently.

Spilled over sadness

2010-07-25T13:57:00.002+08:00

Dislike knowing that ppl are sad, and not be able to do anything abt it. It's like you know it but yet you cant do anything abt it; you shouldnt ask abt it.

I only can, pray abt it.

Spilled over sadness. Innately concern over ppl.

2Cr 1:3-5 NIV - [3] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, [4] who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. [5] For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

Watching your back

2010-07-24T22:30:00.002+08:00

Actually, watching from far is nice. All you need to do is watch from far. Watch the back. Look, be concerned, when you see the need. Just ask arnd, just know whats happening with your life. There you go. Happy already. No need for words, even though i always was a communication person. But i learned that, sometimes, this is enough. :)

Actually high level competition isnt my type of thing. I love competition, its just that, ive never been the kind who will do all means neccesary for it. You know to be champs. I I guess im the process person, not the result/task oriented person. I enjoy the process. But i guess its a learning process.

I miss fellowship. no frenship beats that i guess.

Hypocrite, motivation, and determination

2010-07-24T03:20:00.000+08:00

Somehow, i just have so many regrets, that linger in my mind sometimes. Sometimes I try so hard to pay lip service, trying to encourage ppl abt the God i believe in, but yet in the same conversation, i can say things that will stumble others. Its just so hypocritical of me really. I realise that this will not only not encourage that person, but all the more stumble that person. I dunno. Sometimes i try too hard to encourage, but i must really learn to remain ilent at times.

Heard what i needed to hear from coach to affirm my suspicions. 100% out. The only solace is after coming back on wed after getting over my emotional problems, but well, after watching the videos and stories, i still think im very selfish of myself to think at the indiv level. I know i always lacked determination. I always am fine just playing and not winning. But hopefully, i really understand what it means to do my best for God, and be a testimony. Having the motivation to fight through all the stress and lack of time. Feels alot easier without emotional problems. I just think that, I can do it! :)

Of course, all this strength comes from God and through prayers, and pray that i will continue to rely on him more and more. And pray that, i will learn to listen, and say the right thing at the right time. I always have knowledge, but i lack wisdom. Seriously big time. Need to find more time to do ministry too. :)

Goodbye Apple

2010-07-22T01:29:00.005+08:00

Goodbye apple.

its resolved, ive let it all out, i am relieved, really, think i really feel joy within me. i can finally move on. dunno whether ive made someone angry, but i had to let it all out. Not talking for another few weeks or months is ok. Not that it matters anymore! :)

Last night was such a torturous night. Slept without wanting to wake up. Slept with a pain that is indescribable. Havent felt so much pain since 2 years ago. It was really very painful. Didnt want to wake up cause it hurt so much. Didnt wanna go sch didnt wana go trng. But guess what, after i got up, i decide to do something. And i stopped feeling pain. After saying it, ive really let down all the chains holding me. Finally a needless self inflicted burden could be released. And i guess im happy for that.

So relieved that i ran so much today without panting, until my legs started giving way. haha. Just kept running, just kept playing, just kept trying to enjoy my ultimate. :)

Doesnt seem like we ever had christ in common though.

Thank God its over. Ill learned alot through this period. I need to learn to listen better. Need to learn to rely on God more. Need to watch the thorns in my words. Oooo. I always failed as a listener i guess. I need to learn to control my angel. Need to learn to handle these situations better. Need to learn to move on. But this one problem of moving on is hard. It always has been. I always like to kena trap. Trap sidelines, trapped in a hole so deep known as depression, and now a bubble. HAha.

Its time to be focused on things i need to focus on again. Like God studies frisbee. No more emo days, for now... No more running, and to start walking with Him again.

Thanl God for all your prayers, to my mentor and new found confidant/mentor. Mark i wish you'll join back frisbee. I need a bro here.

Pray for edge games. They have problem finding venue. Be hush abt it. Pray that we might be able to use nyp, or any sch. Pray for His will to be done, pray that it could be used to reach out to ppl, that they may know Christ. Amen.

Jhn 4:31-38 ESV - [31] Meanwhile the disciples were urging him, saying, "Rabbi, eat." [32] But he said to them, "I have food to eat that you do not know about." [33] So the disciples said to one another, "Has anyone brought him something to eat?" [34] Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work. [35] "Do you not say, 'There are yet four months, then comes the harvest'? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest. [36] "Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together. [37] "For here the saying holds true, 'One sows and another reaps.' [38] "I sent you to reap that for which you did not labor. Others have labored, and you have entered into their labor."

Act 4:20 NIV - [20] For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard(of what christ has done for us)."

Waste

2010-07-20T00:37:00.000+08:00

Waste my time, waste my life, wasted to have you in my sight. Wasted my feelings, wasted my thinking, wasted to even though you had meaning. Shallow's your name, shallow's your game, shallow of me to even considered your name. Happy that this is all over, glad that this will no longer be a bother.

說了再見Say Goodbye

2010-07-18T16:48:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i wish i can reverse time and not made the mistakes i made. But as so many has told me, it is time to move on, stop marching on the stop and remove the thought of it totally.

Who gives you identity?
Who gives you security in life?
Who should you rely on 1st?
Who should you speak to 1st?
It should be Jesus.
Am i doing it?
I've been told ive been acting like im insecure during this period. Its time to wake up from the slumber i guess.

As mentor would say, what did i learn from this experience? Did i learn something? God allows everything to happen for a reason. The worse is to go through this experience and to not learn anything from it. Reflect, learn from it, and move on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpAHNWO0ecs&feature=related

說了再見Say Goodbye

JAY CHOU周杰倫

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我愛的遺失了
落葉飄在湖面上睡著了
想要放放不掉淚在飄
你看看你看看看不到
我假裝過去不重要卻發現自己辦不到
說了再見才發現再也見不到
我不能就這樣失去你的微笑
口紅待在桌腳而你我找不到
若角色對調你說好不好
說了再見才發現再也見不到
能不能就這樣忍著痛淚不掉
說好陪我到老永恆往哪裡找
再次擁抱一分一秒都好
天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我愛的遺失了
落葉飄在湖面上睡著了
想要放放不掉淚在飄
你看看你看看看不到
我假裝過去不重要卻發現自己辦不到
說了再見才發現再也見不到
我不能就這樣失去你的微笑
口紅待在桌腳而你我找不到
若角色對調你說好不好
你的笑你的好腦海裡一直在繞
我的手忘不了你手的溫度
心碎了一地撿不回從前的心跳傷心過去我無力逃跑
說再見才發現再也見不到
能不能就這樣忍著痛淚不掉
說好陪我到老永恆往哪裡找
再次擁抱一分一秒都好

Singapore Protestant Christianity in 'Crisis', Declares Evangelical Pastor

2010-07-15T02:26:00.000+08:00

Some excerpts from an email of a sermon.

Singapore Protestant Christianity in 'Crisis', Declares Evangelical Pastor
Friday, Jul. 9, 2010 Posted: 6:00:13AM HKT

1) "The all-too-familiar evangelical message is that the world is in trouble and churches need help.

Singapore pastor Tony Yeo, however, thinks it is the reverse that is true.

Many Protestants here lack sincerity in faith, he said Tuesday in a sermon with many points yet one emphasis.

The solution the pastor proposed: to live life from the inside out and to embrace the call to radical discipleship in our lives.

And it is to go back to the basics, to come back to the Word of the living God."

2)Using the World Cup as an example, the Rev. Yeo noted that many people take pains to catch the early morning telecast of the games.

Nonetheless Christians tend to complain when it comes to dawn prayer or early morning service.

“It is not an issue of time,” said the youthful pastor. “It is an issue of heart.”

3) Churches could also tend to emphasise participation in their programmes, their range of programmes and size of their facilities to the neglect of real life transformation.

4) Two role models he mentioned were Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew and well-known late British evangelist Alan Redpath.

When asked what the key to his successful political leadership was, Mr Lee had simply said: sacrifice.

Asked for the secret in life in ministry, Redpath replied, “Bent knees, wet eyes and a broken heart.”

5)The evangelical pastor also corrected misconceptions about the Great Commission of Jesus Christ.

Christians tend to view the Great Commission as focusing on the church and attendance of its activities rather than Christ and resembling the life of love He modelled.

Churches tend to view the Gospel as a message to broadcast rather than a life to live, the pastor told hundreds of music missionaries.

“You and I are the main delivery systems of the Gospel of Jesus Christ,” he said.

There is also a tendency to see the Great Commission as solely the task of pastors, ministry leaders and missionaries.

All Christians, however, are in fulltime service ‘disguised’ as working people and homemakers, Yeo emphasised.

In addition, the Great Commission is primarily a call to make disciples of Jesus Christ, rather than travel to far-off lands or make converts, and of all nations, he highlighted.

2010-07-12T22:59:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i want to lose hope in prayer.

Troubled.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2010-07-11T12:01:00.002+08:00

This lyrics is from the hymn, Great is Thy Faithfulness. Unfortunately, i cant find the jazz version i have by brian doerksen. I found one from Passion that is pretty close and equally as good! All I have needed Thy hand hath provided; Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me! =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsftrsFyG80

This short clip by avalon is pretty good too! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I0HOpuOmLU&feature=related

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Refrain

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Refrain

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Refrain

2010-07-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Talk talk i wanna talk.

Pass It On

2010-07-07T00:16:00.001+08:00

It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around,can warm up in its glowing.
Thats how it is with God's love, Once you've experienced it,
You'll spread His love to everyone;

You want to pass it on.

What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it, you want to sing
"It's fresh like spring"; you want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I've found.
You can depend on Him, it matters not where you're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountain top - PRAISE GOD
I want the world to know; the Lord of love has come to me,
I want to pass it on.

I need an Outlet

2010-07-03T01:11:00.000+08:00

Just need an outlet again. Just want to talk. But oh well, looks like its talking to God again.

The only other guy in my class, Samuel, is leaving. Now i face 3 girls at home, and another 20 girls in class. Where DID ALL THE GUYS GO TO?

My fren says ive got nu ren ming and im gonna get bullied by wife. Haiz.

Angsty, NOT

2010-06-27T07:14:00.004+08:00

found: a bundle of angst on tumblr.
"I’m not going to spend my life chasing people. You want to leave? Fine then, go ahead. Because I’m done with chasing and caring for people who never had interest in me. Nothing last and people change. I’ve learned love is hard and life is strange."

Feel like saying this you know. But i guess, this is not me. I'm never an angsty person. Its just sometimes I dont know how to handle certain situations. I rarely flare, but i guess the times i flare are the times when ppl mean the most.

I really regretted the way i reacted to certain situations these period of time. I knew i shouldnt have done this, shouldnt have done that, did things so untypical of me. I realised ive been blaming my emotions, but im the controller of my emotions, no? I should control it, not the other way around. But oh well. No point crying over spilled milk right? If its done its done. Just have to learn, to reflect, and to stand up and walk on. Because i believe in the sovereign will of God and that there is a reason for everything He allows to happen. :)

But yea. I just hope to make my birthday wish right abt now...

2 impt updates that i didnt mention earlier. I will probably consider staying 4 years in NYP!!! HAHAHA! To join PT luh.

and no 2, im moving hse!!! Hse sold le!!!! Where to... Hmmn....

Some song on my playlist that i found meaningfully describing me.

Whatever You're Doing
Sanctus Real
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZayut9i45M

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

And this is my bundle of Joy! Read this on youtube.

"I' am a former Muslim and dicovered Christ. The love I have for Jesus is unconditional. As a muslim they believe Jesus was a prophet & except his mriaculous birth. They don't believe he is God. Why believe part of the story and reject the ending? Why even put Jesus in Quran if it will creat debates? They say discover Jesus in the Quran, well I did and Im loving it.
All Praises be To Our God, our Elohim, Christ Almighty. In Jesus' I remain, Amen."

2010-06-24T18:45:00.002+08:00

Mar 12:30-31 NIV - [30] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' [31] The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

I guess i have been selfish. I'd rather you'd be happy than i am really.

Answers, and tears to a lost friendship

2010-06-24T13:21:00.008+08:00

I'm shell shocked i actually teared for a fren. But i guess its just cause losing a close fren is somewhat like a gf/bf. You share (or at least you think you share) a close r/s, and when its broken, esp in argument, you would be overcome by emotions. Then you want to release all the emotions at 1 go. This fren means alot to me, funny thing is, its a 1 sided thing? Funny to use words like that to describe a friendship. Since i teared, it just shows how much even just the close r/s mean to me. But somehow i feel happy. Im happy this coincides with getting answers from all my other problems. This happen to be the last of it. Im happy that it releases me from the bondage of anger, or whatever else. I actually feel that i am at peace finally now. After this session of tearing, hopefully, i can finally move on with life. Though it wont be easy, as I will see her so often. I would keep feel like talking to her. But maybe after a while, I'll get used to it.

I thank God for the answers He gave me to my questions the past few days. i asked for it and He gave it to me. I asked for the answer to my hearts desire. Listening to all the talk abt sacrifices to play Ultimate, i somehow feel nonchalent- they sacrifice so much for a perishable wreath, but then is it worth it? How abt the unperishable one? For me, knowing that there is an unperishable wreath we should be striving for, it seems foolish even to sacrifice so much for a moment of glory. It seems foolish really. That being said, i think it all the more strengthens my desire to be focused in my goals in ultimate. To not forget the reason im there. To not forget what im striving for. I find it regrettable that i had the opportunity on the livejournal, but i didnt use it. Its a lesson learnt, and i pray that God would open many more opportunites for the work that im doing.

Hopefully, this closes a chapter of all my recent problems. I shant talk abt my other problems here. IT HAS ENDED anyway. Everyone and everything gave me an ans at abt the same time. Through all this, esp today, i realise that, I can only turn to God for my problems, i can only turn to Him, and when i turn to him, he gives peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding.

Im sorry Krist. For causing you to stumble, for making you angry. Just as how you couldnt see things from my shoes, i couldnt see yours. As much as i would love to be your good friend,i guess you dont view it this way,and after what happened, i guess we will never be. I remember how you perked me up when i was down. I stll keep your note in my wallet. Your non stop cheerfulness was a great encouragement to me and your annoyance only serves to brighten the day. But i still have hope, hope in the eternal r/s we will share with Christ. I pray that then, we can all share a close r/s, with everyone else with us for that matter. Oh and last, i pray that one day, you will see the value of "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field- Luke 10:2" and "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here [am] I; send me.-Isa 6:8). I pray that you will be one of the workers of the harvest. I still wish or our friendship will be salvaged.

Isa 9:6 NIV - [6] For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isa 52:7 NIV - [7] How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

2Cr 13:11 NIV - [11] Finally, brothers, good-by. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

1Cr 14:33 NIV - [33] For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.

2Ti 2:22-26 NIV - [22] Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. [23] Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. [24] And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. [25] Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, [26] and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

Rom 15:13 NIV - [13] May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Phl 4:7 NIV - [7] And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

2010-06-24T02:02:00.000+08:00

Im quite fed up with mind games going arnd. Call me sensitive but, I even have friendship problems, not to mention other problems. Its like ugh. I want to keep things simple. why arent things simple? I thought friendship is simplest?

Need to pray hard hard abt my problems.

Throughing feelings out of the window.... Cause YOU SUCK!

2010-06-22T00:30:00.000+08:00

Funny how easy it is to throw everything out of the window. I dont know how i did it, but i just threw all the friendships and whatever that comes with it that i dont feel like caring anymore. Well, maybe somethings are just hurtful and you just feel like why should i even care or bother talking to that person anymore. Sheesh.

Oh i just remembered from the bible that i need to forgive- but maybe for me, forgiving is not the issue/root of the problem. I better know what im doing, but i got to stop being unhappy.

1 more thing....

Yea i know. I suck. Kinda know my value le. Even girls can take my place/ do what im good at. So ive no value anymore.

I should stop emoing and wake up from my slumber. But give me a few days, Until i get over somethings. I need a few days. Then ill forget it and stop emoing. Quick quick i have had ENOUGH of this. Just want to get over it.

Feels Like.....

2010-06-20T01:18:00.000+08:00

Feels Like I must change this, somehow, somway.

Feels like i am speaking to 2 diff people. I dont know you.

Feels like a passing wind. All fake and unreal. All gone like the wind.

Feels like.... I just wanna lie in the fields, and stare at the sky. And let the overwhelming feelings, pass away.

Holding Hands

2010-06-19T00:02:00.001+08:00

On the way home from my 21st Birthday dinner with my family, I just felt like holding someones hand.

I turned to my mum, and held her hand, feeling just like how a kid would want to hold his mother's hand.

Wish i can hold her hands forever.

On a side note, I never liked holding my mums hand when i was young. HAHA!!! :-p

I always shrugged it off and ran away. I guess as you grow older, you tend to cherish it more. :)

Unfortunately, i cant find the picture i had in mind for weeks now. Oh wells.

你要的爱

2010-06-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

你要的爱
戴佩妮

虽然经常梦见你
还是毫无头绪
外面正在下着雨
今天是星期几
but i don`t know
你去那里
虽然不曾怀疑你
还是忐忑不定
谁是你的那个唯一
原谅我怀疑自己
我明白
我要的爱
会把我宠坏
像一个小孩
只懂在你怀里坏
你要的爱
不只是依赖
要像个大男孩
风吹又日晒
生活自由自在

A Timely Reminder: How is your walk with God?

2010-05-28T02:03:00.002+08:00

Its so easy sometime to forget abt your walk with God- well especially if your walk has never been consistently close, or otherwise , known as close. But im so reminded by God's word on what is my priorities. I was supposed to post this some 2 weeks ago abt my convictions to stay committed to ministry in YFC, DESPITE circumstances, a super busy schedule that makes it very difficult to meet students. I still must remain steadfast and to fight the good fight. I was well reminded by a good fren/christian bro yi tao, whom casually asked me, how is my walk with God? And i kinda realised that, i allowed complacency to sneak into my walk again. A severe lack of prayer (actually i do pray, but i lack purposeful prayer, or only praing while traveling/caual prayers), and i am not consistent in QT! A lack of BS also contributed to this complacency of mind to forget my priorities. But some verses is my constant encouragement that i have to always remind myself of.

John 4: 31-36

Meanwhile the disciples were urging him, saying, "Rabbi, eat."
But he said to them, "I have food to eat that you do not know about."
So the disciples said to one another, "Has anyone brought him something to eat?"
Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work.
"Do you not say, 'There are yet four months, then comes the harvest'? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest.
"Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together.

And things i read today!

John 15:18-19 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before [it hated] you.
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

1Ti 6:6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment,
1Ti 6:7 for we brought nothing into the world, and [fn] we cannot take anything out of the world.
1Ti 6:8 But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.
1Ti 6:9 But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.
1Ti 6:10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.
1Ti 6:11 But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.
1Ti 6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1Ti 6:13 I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before [fn] Pontius Pilate made the good confession,
1Ti 6:14 to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ,
1Ti 6:15 which he will display at the proper time--he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords,
1Ti 6:16 who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

2Ti 2:3 Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.
2Ti 2:4 No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

1 Cor 9:22-27

To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.
I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.
Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.
But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

no more, no more

2010-04-24T00:48:00.001+08:00

Pls, i dont think i can do this again. No more pls. I cause so much stress to others and myelf. No way can i lead something like this. Dont wanna do it again.

Awesome Sch, awesome team, awesome lessons, not so awesome timetable.

2010-04-22T21:44:00.001+08:00

Class schedule reads:
Mon 9-6
Tues 9-6
Wed 12-4
thurs 8-6
fri 9-5

Sch life's awesome. Awesomely tiring. Worst than a uni student me.

Though i must admit, i like all that im learning so far! Really enjoy class, except for physiology cause its BIO and i never took bio in my life! Oh and havent had 1st taste of socio yet so...

And watched real anatomy(cadeva, or in lay man's term dead corpse) today. Rox.

Didnt see much of all nyp players, but so far so awesome, just that they have way too many freshies signing up that makes me wonder can i even make it to a year 1 team. Lol. 800 plus on day 1 of recruitment is 1 too many. Oh well, at least will have an awesome team! :-p

2010-04-16T02:01:00.000+08:00

It sucks to be looked down upon, but i guess in a sport its like that huh... Well, like a fren would say, our self worth is not determined by our perf on field. 1st instinct is to prove them wrong, but then i realised its wrong to want to do so, cause of pride. Rather, i should strive to be the best i can be, to enjoy my ultimate! :D

Struggling in Sin, But Life in the Spirit

2010-04-13T10:19:00.002+08:00

Dead to Sin, Alive to God

6 What shall we say then? mAre we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 By no means! How can nwe who died to sin still live in it? 3 Do you not know that all of us owho have been baptized pinto Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were qburied therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as rChrist was raised from the dead by sthe glory of the Father, we too might walk in tnewness of life.

5 For uif we have been united with him in va death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 We know that wour old self1 xwas crucified with him in order that ythe body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. 7 For zone who has died ahas been set free2 from sin. 8 Now bif we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 We know that cChrist, being raised from the dead, will never die again; ddeath no longer has dominion over him. 10 For the death he died he died to sin, eonce for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. 11 So you also must consider yourselves fdead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

12 Let not gsin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13 hDo not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but ipresent yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. 14 For jsin kwill have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness

15 What then? lAre we to sin mbecause we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Do you not know that if you present yourselves nto anyone as obedient slaves,3 you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But othanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the pstandard of teaching to which you were committed, 18 and, qhaving been set free from sin, rhave become slaves of righteousness. 19 sI am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For tjust as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members uas slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.

20 vFor when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. 21 wBut what fruit were you getting at that time from the things xof which you are now ashamed? yFor the end of those things is death. 22 But now that you zhave been set free from sin and ahave become slaves of God, bthe fruit you get leads to sanctification and cits end, eternal life. 23 dFor the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

7:7 What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, oI would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if pthe law had not said, “You shall not covet.” 8 But sin, qseizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. rFor apart from the law, sin lies dead. 9 I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. 10 The very commandment sthat promised life proved to be death to me. 11 For sin, tseizing an opportunity through the commandment, udeceived me and through it killed me. 12 So vthe law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.

13 Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. 14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, wsold under sin. 15 For I do not understand my own actions. For xI do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with ythe law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells ain me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 bFor I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want,cit is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, ein my inner being, 23 but I see in my members fanother law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from gthis body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Life in the Spirit

8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,3 he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that pthe righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, qwho walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For rthose who live according to the flesh set their minds on sthe things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on tthe things of the Spirit. 6 For to set uthe mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is vhostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; windeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact xthe Spirit of God dwells in you. yAnyone who does not have zthe Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of ahim who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies bthrough his Spirit who dwells in you.

Paul reminded his readers, “There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (v.1). This means that there is absolutely no eternal punishment or estrangement for those who place their trust in the finished work of Jesus. Their sins are forgiven and covered. The war is over and they are no longer enemies of God. No accusation against them will stand. In this verse, Paul communicated that we’re no longer condemned under the penalty of sin, and there’s no condemnation or peril that could ever separate us from the love of Christ (vv.31-39).  

This was something i never understood, but i think i do now. Hopefully it will change somethings. Wah spent more than an hour reading and digesting this.

Since your good performance didn’t secure your salvation and your failure can’t cause you to lose your salvation, why should you live differently? How will you praise God this day for His “no condemnation” proclamation?

Emotional Breakdown and Counting the Cost

2010-03-31T09:23:00.000+08:00

Had an emotional breakdown ytdy. Ok. It was probably due to stress and due to just my sadness over being incompetence to organise TG ultimate. Ok maybe i was abit put off by my leaders words, but oh well. Learned to pick up and be fine and to meet my student and go for ACJC trng. Yes i did go AC in the end and i realised there is still so much use to learn from it, and i really did and do enjoy it. And my student appeared! Praise the Lord!!! Praying for his salvation!!! :)

Again, i must admit i'm distracted today. Hmmn. The question for myself is what is the cost for me to follow Jesus fully? I think Ultimate is the 1st thing that comes to mind. And so the conclusion/result? I need to spend more time thinking abt that.

I can't stand reading a text and not understanding what it means. So i spent a whole hour expounding on the text, and i ended just reading a learning from the commentary, which is quite an eye opener, and gave me lots of insight and understanding of the text. The Commentator is David Guzik.

the word disciple simply means "learner." A disciple is someone who is a student, a learner of Jesus.

So, what does it take to become a learner of Jesus? Jesus has just shown us that coming to God is like accepting an invitation (Luke 14:16-24); is that all there is to it?

If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple

First, Jesus boldly says that nothing can come between you and God. Even good things such as family and the instinct of self-preservation cannot become idols to the true disciple.

Think of how audacious Jesus is! He asks for this kind of ultimate commitment, and we give it to Him - why? Because of love. When we know the love of Jesus; when we are in a love-relationship with Him, only then can we be committed to Him with this great devotion.

Hate is a strong word, but that is exactly how it can seem compared to the love of family members and friends when we put Jesus before them.

Disciples must count themselves as dead; they must go all the way.

"And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple."

The one carrying a cross essentially walked down death row to their place of execution. They knew there was no turning back, and it was a total, complete commitment, with your life was completely yielded. You knew your life didn’t belong to you any more.

This is total commitment; Jesus gave Himself for us totally, and expects us to give ourselves to Him totally.

We can understate the demands of Jesus when we preach the gospel to others. We can give them the impression that coming to Jesus is only believing some facts instead of yielding a life.

"The general idea that these words of Jesus about bearing the cross refer to passive submission to all kinds of afflictions, like disappointments, pain, sickness and grief that come upon man in life, is totally wrong . . . only a person who for the sake of His service surrenders all self-seeking and abandons all striving after his own interests can be His disciple." (Geldenhuys)

When the ancient Greek phrase forsake all that he has was applied to people meant, "to say goodbye to." Jesus tells us to "say goodbye" to everything we have, entrusting it to Jesus.

(34-35) Don’t be a lukewarm follower of Jesus!

"Salt is good; but if the salt has lost its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is neither fit for the land nor for the dunghill, but men throw it out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!"

Salt is only useful when it has the nature of salt. A Christian is only useful when he has the nature of Christ.

(15:1) How do people react to the radical demands of the gospel? These sinners respond, they do not reject.

Then all the tax collectors and the sinners drew near to Him to hear Him.

This stern gospel was not inconsistent with Jesus’ love; it was the result of His love. Sinners and outcasts saw the love prompting the bold call to discipleship, and they responded.

People respond to a challenging gospel, if the truth is spoken in love. We do a great disservice when we "soften" the demands of the gospel, either for others or for ourselves.

God stands here

2010-03-25T09:30:00.030+08:00

Ok i must admit, today im quite in a daze. Either that, or i really have nothing much to comment/learned from today's Qt. Just a few pointers that i did learn though.

Passage: John 20:11-31 Regarding Jesus appearance to Mary and the disciples

John 1: 1-18 The Word Became Flesh: John was sent so that "all might bear witness through him" ALL???!!!! Recently i'm still trying to grasp how is what John did in preparing the way for the Lord significant.

Phil 2: 6-11 Imitating Christ’s Humility: the sentence that striked me was Christ himself did not regard his equality with God. He humbled himself despite His status! Its really like a king who become a servant to others. He humbled himself THAT MUCH! I wish i would learn humbleness like this. Being a sportsman, having a certain form of "air" and egoness seems essential to intimidating opponents., but if im not wrong, it stems from pride. It is just so difficult to be humble.

That's all for today. Not much reflections... Hmmn.

Giving Thanks

2010-03-18T09:54:00.003+08:00

Wow. Didn't realise i last posted 19 Nov, almost 4 months ago! Hehe. Ever since i ord-ed, I always wanted to post some reflections. I will do that another time. Well, i am writing this today cause i suddenly felt the urge to post some reflections of my QT down on my blog. I think after awhile i dont do enough reflections from QT, especially since i have not been getting ample rest (been sleeping an average of 5 and a half hours the past 17 days), so my mind is a little switch-ed off. Probably will fall asleep if i do reflections, so i decided to type it out and where else to store but my blog.

I realised a big part of me has not been giving thanks. I do so occasionally, but only when there is something to rejoice for, even recently when i'm working at YFC. But God showed me a few things through His word today.

Today's QT text is taken from Col 3: 12-17. I will quote excerpts of text of portions that striked me.

"bearing with one another and, iif one has a complaint against another, gforgiving each other; gas the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

I know this is not part of thanksgiving, but well how do you give thanks if you do not forgive? Or rather for me, i was a little bothered that that someone is offended or has some unhappiness with me.Well cause i think i have been doing some things that has not been of a very good testimonial. But, actually i should trust that he forgives, more than most others.

Oh actually, the funny thing is, I have a complaint against someone too. But i didnt realise that, i need to forgive that person even if its just a complaint? But well, i guess i need to.

"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."

I indeed lacked peace in my heart. I agree. And yet, be thankful that we could be called in one body and fellow servants of Christ. Why be bothered by something that may not be happening?

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God."

Has the word been dwelling in me richly? At least i still dont see fruits of it. And i miss singing songs of thanksgiving.

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. "

Everything should be done, in word and action, in the name of Jesus. How tough and difficult is that? but it striked me that, i should!!!! And give thanks also! I need to spend time to give thanks, and to remember to give thanks always!

:)

Relationship Issues

2009-11-19T00:21:00.002+08:00

I totally dislike relationship issues. If there's 1 thing i totally cant grapple with is this! Man its so difficult. I'm like soo totally messed up because of it! I just cant understand/figure nothing out. Haiz.

Total Release

2009-09-30T00:50:00.003+08:00

Somehow in very good mood. Just seeing a blog post and my sister's photos, and listening planetshakers after having a productive night. Am prob very happy caused i realised that ive finally totally let go. Its forgotten. I'm released from the thing that caused me depression. And i'm just happy and very glad.

Glad to see a fren being happy too.

Am trying to find time to blog. To remember how God has been good to me, despite my constant rebellion and turning away from Him. Will try to do so when i have the time and its not so late. HAHAHA. :-p

Being the very type of ppl I dislike

2009-09-09T12:54:00.003+08:00

Wah. I guess its kinda redundant to say ive not been here for a long time, prob cause i guess i kinda see no point in blogging anymore, or stop feeling the need to. But an interesting thing which i found time to say now is this. I'm actually seeking to be the very type of person i dislike- a sportsman. I will not spell out certain character traits a sportsman will likely have, but so far from my observations, there are certain things i really don't like abt sportsman. That being said, i'm just at a point in life now where i'm really really into frisbee that i have some passion and desire to want to play well in it that, well i would train hard and seek to be a member of a club team. Basically, i am wanting to be a sportsman, but i dislikes sportsman. I really wonder how this turns out. :-p

But basically my updates is, i am so into frisbee, that i kinda forget my priorities. Thanks to Ee Han who helped me realign my priorities again. And my prayer for myself is, a closer walk with God. I am giving myself ultimatums because its time i make decisions now abt my career.

Thats all for now! XD

I Will Be Here(Steven Curtis Chapman)

2009-08-13T23:41:00.001+08:00

Such beautiful lyrics.

I Will Be Here(Steven Curtis Chapman)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgprBjvDQsg

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I will be here
Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
Oh, I will be here.

SIlence

2009-08-12T00:17:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time i talked here. Hmmn. Just really lazy to blog. Alot of times, i did want to say something, but well. Been having problems, but im recently quite comfortable with keeping quiet abt it. Hmmn. I guess i was kinda sick the past 2 weeks that i cant really think then. Recently? Just in the sports phase now. Dont really wanna talk. Just wanna be out to play frisbee. Or out for that matter. Thinking of being serious with frisbee, joining a club and all. Seems exciting too cause i have some frens wanting to join the same club too which would make it more fun. I'll see. Maybe i'll talk abt one incident. Its some time ago, but i wanted to talk abt it so.

Apologize

2009-08-08T07:42:00.000+08:00

Apologize
Onerepublic feat. Timberland

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...

H1N1

2009-07-31T22:17:00.000+08:00

Nick has fever and flu! Thanks. It happened on fri. Doc say might or might not be H1N1 but it DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE! Gonna miss a flurry of events especially visiting zion on sun and frisbee. Sat Sun Mon are frisbee days! NOOOOO!!!!!

Grieved

2009-07-26T15:36:00.000+08:00

I am extremely grieved. And i was justified, at least by adrian, that it is normal to be sad abt this. Well, if im not im probably not human. But well, the thing i need to do is, get up and move on. And not stay and bed and sleep and feel emo. It helps to be not at home, or to get out of home for that matter.

Noelle's comments is the icing of the cake. It all but affirms everyone's comments that my posts are "emo"(in their eyes). So i will make sure that, those posts will never appear here again. :)

Move on nick. Move on.

2009-07-12T02:53:00.000+08:00

Private thoughts,

MOVED

to another blog. This blog will not be dead though. I just wanted some private space to express thoughts.

Feels different

2009-07-06T01:05:00.002+08:00

Wah. The feder vs roddick match is so long! Like forever!!!! Kinda bored, so decided to blog!

Attending Zion BP churches' service today was truly refreshing! I guess cause its youth sunday: the service had drums, sang a gospel song, acoustic guitar as lead instrument, refreshing message, many friends whom you havent say hi for some time, and the new friends too which i was hanging out with. Hmmn. Makes you feel quite good, except for the rain. Haha. Could not really play frisbee(plus my bruised finger on my master hand!)

Got lots to say, but haiya. Lazy.

Dissappointed

2009-07-01T16:22:00.002+08:00

I cant help but feel really really dissappointed with some christians. I guess i used to look up to them or maybe thought they would be able to discern regarding a certain matter better, but i guess not. Someone even called me judgemental of a certain issue. But well, im entitled my opinion of not agreeing on a certain matter, because i think its not Godly. But if you dont then im fine. I just dont like it when ppl are even excited abt it, because i think its wrong.

But oh wells.

2009-06-22T23:09:00.003+08:00

For those who read the last post. Im sorry i hurt you in any way if i did. For those who read, ill try to talk to you, at least if i know you read it and didnt understand what i meant. Im very sure most ppl didnt understand what i meant from my last blog post. They misread my intentions, i guess due to the fact that i was emotional and put everything into a bad light. To prevent more ppl from having similar reactions, i have removed it. And will talk to ppl who read it. I assure you, i think most ppl misread my intentions.

Started with sis, and later had a good chat with arthur. Gave me a better perspective of others viewpoints. Lets see how i can rectify this problem, as well as the greater problem that i face.

At least i decided to not have anymore honest viewpoints of which may concern ppl around me. Dont want to cause similar problems. The fact is, i cant be honest anymore. But i guess, i dont want to stumble others anymore.

2009-06-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

last thoughts before leaving for kl! You know. i feel extremely alone when i'm with the group sometimes. It is a bit of a struggle to be the extrovert in a group of introverts. But the thing is, i sometimes feel quite alone. not lonely, just alone. cc talked abt how youths struggle some issues‭+righ like self esteem, and self perceptions. theni begin to recall how i struggle with these things. Maybe not so much, but definitely still do. iguess i'm that type right that if i havesome friend who would purposely call me just to wish me happy birthday, wa i would be just so glad. i guess cause i never had 1, not to mention presents just to even mention it. last year i had 1 by kenn and lyd only, whichi wassograteful for. this is what i mean. but i guess the wish to be appreciated and loved is a big part of me. maybe‭ due to‭+family background ba. It's‭+somethiing i need to overcome. anyway ihou to mention, thatsomehow i thinki now a fren of mine, you know how we work with‭+ea other andall, but yet i realised we could barely holda 5 min conversation? I guess another frenalso made me realised how readingsomesomeo blog doesn't mean we might know them‭+wel and that's‭+scary to me cause i thought i do. oh‭+wel church camp! wool hoo!.

My new kicks! And frisbee For The Win!

2009-06-02T01:02:00.003+08:00

My new "kicks"!!!! The adidas TS creator billups collector's(unofficial) edition.

But frisbee is the new best sport ever! So fun to get to know so many new and nice friends! Totally so friendly. Totally so fun to play. Because of the combination of soccer and basketball movements, it makes it just so much fun! Happy Happy. XD

The Answer i have found peace with

2009-05-31T01:14:00.003+08:00

On a side note, it is so so scary to read something written by someone else but thinking that it feels like you wrote it yourself! It's like, this cannot be. The whole train of thought, all the question marks and the pondering qns, it just feels so so scary. It feels like it was a thinking process in my mind! Maybe i should tell someone abt it. Not that i could have any conclusion on the similarities.

I had a long discussion with my mum. Went so far till it became a debate. It started from her sharings of an unwillingess to accept a doctrinal belief in my church, ending with my conclusion of her having flaws that make her look at things through a stained glass defined by stubborness and judgementalness. Then it became a debate against each others flaws. But finally it came to my main point of this post- my career path.

May this be my prayer.

To cut a long story short:

You know, i always was seeking an answer to my career path. I would ponder on what career God wants me to do. Then "that job" would come to mind, and i am certain that God wants me to do it at some point of my life, ut maybe not yet. I'm quite certain that i would do that career, but maybe not now. Then, i would chuck that thought aside and think abt other career options. But it was always a blur. I asked God a number of times, and never got an answer. Then while talking to mum just now, i realised. Maybe i've been chucking this career path aside when i shouldnt have. Maybe i should be working towards this career path, rather that chucking it aside for so long and seeking another answer which never came. And i thought, maybe there isnt another answer? Maybe what ive been thinking of doing all this while is really what He wants me to do? Maybe i should be working towards that goal, instead of thinking of it as a 2nd career option? Then i realised suddenly that, it all seems right now. I feel at peace. It suddenly seemed like, i have already made that decision, and it is the right decision.

Ah sorry cant continue. Starting to fall asleep. But i'm abt done. Maybe "that job", is the answer ive been searching from God after all.

Yuan Zai tian bian, jing zai yan qian?

Shld pray more rather then to continue. Somehow, i feel like blogging alot lately. Been thinking alot recently i guess.

Relationships

2009-05-30T00:34:00.003+08:00

Seeing them, really makes me think, are those qualities something i really want? Well i guess its heart over mind i guess.

Events the past few days makes it obvious and clear again how ppl are so impt to me. Ppl dont just walk pass me, but they all leave their footprints in my heart. Everyone that i have close interactions with, forms an emotional bond that i will never forget. Everytime i think of these ppl, i would feel a certain emotion that is overwhelming; similar to all but unique in a certain way, especially for thos close relatinships that i have lost. And thats what makes me emotional, and sentimental.

Having a few good friends who are attached doesnt mean i cannot be happy seeing them after some time. You know i just enjoy the time we(applies to all the other good friends also) could spend together talking about personal things, and after awhile, even doing things together. This is what you call enjoyable company. I feel like spending some time doing things together but i guess time and lack of opportunity makes such opportunities few and far between.

I have another close friend that i have lost that i really feel so sad losing. Talking after sometime just reminds me how much i enjoyed the close chatter, but now all thats left is the scar of a lost relationship. We still see each other, but i guess the close relationship will never be the same again huh?

Well Thats 1 of many. I am abt to lose kevin if i dont keep up with him. I have just lost jx since end of jc. Lost seng kiang, leon, joel and aidross from sec sch. Sk and leon, i dont even know what is happening to them,b ut glad to see aidross looking up me to chatter again(and finding his life in a mess in a certain way)

Well the event that triggered these thoughts was during the farewell lunch for mdm from "the force". You know i was so sad for her that when we had that lunch, when 1 of the leaders asked us to say something nice that she has impacted us. Everyone could barely utter a word. Some of them could only muster well wishes for her, and it was kinda forced even. But its a totally different story for me. I have mixed feelings abt her leaving. Well she isnt the nicest mdm arnd. She as so many flaws that she dont see, that everyone dislikes her for. She is the no1 disliked in office. But you know what, i cant help but want to say, i might miss her. I once wrote here abt how she protected me, and that is what she really did to me. She was concerned in many occasions(even though she just maybe checking on me). But im so thankful to God for her. She really feels like my grandma, full of nag, fully iritating, but you still love her, and maybe even for her case. I guess cause she may not be very nice, but she tells you abt her personal life alot more than others would. You someho feel part of their life too. You know i felt so compelled to confomr with everyone else to not say nice things to her, but i cant. Then again, i cant express my gratitude to her guidance well. Even after that, there was little talking. We werent really that close, really. But sometimes i couldnt understand, why ppl just couldnt see the good side of her and be thankful?

Mmmm. its good, in a way, to feel emotional again, for good reasons. XD But for all the lost r/s, i hope not to feel them again. Its time to put them to bed and move on.

普通朋友

2009-05-29T01:02:00.002+08:00

等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变(what can i do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说
i only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
so i
我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend
no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

2009-05-26T01:21:00.002+08:00

http://apps.facebook.com/quizdoyouknowme/take_quiz.jsp?q=6751233&key=R4AO

go do the quiz. i spent some effort on it. Its an abt me quiz. Lol. :-p

Questions abt calling

2009-05-25T01:33:00.000+08:00

On another point, i really wish to be a leader on the floor, especially for bball and frisbee. I like to give commands and play-make. Its much more fun than any other positions. But, I usually cant take up that role due to a lack of skill. Sigh....

This also makes me think: what do i really want? i‭ was always a confused kid growing up. i can't decide between the arts or Sports. i think i made a mistake of choosing arts. I feel like i wasted my youth not training on sports. But then again, was it all part of God's plan?

Was thinking so much on life career sports and all, 1 thing became very apparent to me: would i choose any of these, or a life dedicated to full time ministry? Somehow, i always feel the latter is the decision i should be making. I might want to find a "best of both worlds" scenario, but I'm quite sure, if i have the choose. The latter should be the choice i should be making. Heard a missionary speak to our youths the previous day. You know every word that he spake of, the challenge to pick up missions just kept begging on the door of my mind (i didnt limit to overseas mind you). There's lots to pray abt, but i have a few big problems. My r/s is God is just bad, and i cant seem to find discipline to do what i know is right/the things that will help me in ministry(qt, prayer bible study etc). I know i'm not ready but, at this state, i wonder to myself, will i ever be ready? The state i am in in terms of faith, i am extremely ashamed of. It just seem extremely impossible that situations will improve. Do i really have the desire to do so? Or is it just me deceiving myself? If the calling is real, why am i not improving/being equipped? Unless it isnt a calling? I dont know. Im confused, as always.

Well, at least i learnt a few tips from the missionary how to better make the many major decisions i have to make in my life(just a very brief one).

Aargh. There is 2 things bugging me. For the 1st, i'm struggling between wanting to think abt it, and wanting to not think abt it. The 2nd, i should be thinking abt it, but i aint.

I really wish to be that someone. I guess you can call it jealousy. But how i'd wish, i'll just be that someone. Haiz.

Large skies, open fields

2009-05-24T21:41:00.002+08:00

Ah that sound. the sound of birds chirping on a huge empty grass patch. So beautiful. but the scenery is even better. The vast open sky, is a scenery i enjoy the most. the scenery that the huge brightly lit buildings seem far away, I always enjoyed the feeling of being in a vast open and quiet field, night or day. both gives different feelings. during the day,it gives a more happy feeling, one where you would even enjoy hearing the kids running around the field. whereas, the night gives a more serene feeling. One where I wanna lie on it and stare at the stars and fall asleep. I guess it is the carefree feeling that causes me to love it so much. not that i dislike the busy life style of sg. i love it actually. staying in a foregn country never crossed my mind before. but oh wella. It's these little things of God's creation that i i really truly enjoy.

2009-05-23T00:05:00.002+08:00

I kinda love the changes but still hate the unchanged.

But well, there's anew/a new...

i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.

Moving along

2009-05-17T00:07:00.003+08:00

Sad sad,very.

Of course i keep it quiet.

And hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

I have enough evidences already.

Give me a few days to digest

And i'll move along

Go to sleep, and everything, everything will be alright, alright. (i hope)

Rejected

2009-05-14T15:24:00.004+08:00

I am very sad.

I got smacked in the face, that i cant even qualify to be a PE teacher. Maybe God wants to close this door away from me. So sad.

All that's left is NUS which is very unlikely.

No mood to talk abt anything else.

I'll do a summary:
I learnt a good lesson abt chauvinism and doing things out of convenience on tues.

I am very glad and learning more of the role of sports frenz more. Learning more how useful the avenue of sports fren can be used to share the gospel, and it started the passion in me again, to share through sports.

And i wish i could be like seow chin( who show glimpses of Chien chong), on how to see gospel sharing opportunities when they come along, and to invoke a passion into ppl. I was just amazed how they could understand and see things so clearly that most of us cant see. The vision, the purpose, the long run; i wish i have all that eyesight. I just feel so ashamed that all we did is do and somewhat follow through the motion and getting things done, but not seeing the opportunities when it went pass us and stuff. Its hard to say but, i heard so much my mind is bursting with thoughts.

Ill pray over deciding to take up frisbee long term, as an avenue to share.

Frisbee Competition tmr is such a let down. Knockout from start? Only 8 team so can only play max 3 matches? Lol. Such a Let down.

Sometimes it feels quite stupid to update a blog that no one reads. Well, if i really want to blog to self, my as well have a private blog where i can say everything freely, then to blog to update others and no one reads. -.-

MAYBE I SHOULD CONSIDER CLOSING THIS BLOG!

Good thing is, Debbie finally replied my fb message after so long. And playmax Dry run is this sat! Woots excited.

His

2009-05-09T09:52:00.004+08:00

I wonder how today will unfold. Being in "the force" for the 1st time during weekends and all and missing out on tg rock climbing. Well i've been pampered too much.

Was taught a good lesson today on my lack of time management. Hmm, i just realised how forgiving some ppl have been to me for my lateness. I guess I really want to start being early for things now.

Passion vs Winning.

I guess its difficult to draw the line between the two. I struggle with enjoying my bball and the fact that im so lousy and cant win games. If you cant win, its just also difficult to enjoy it. I guess I want to seek excellence in it. And if only i could jump higher, hang longer, do a few spin moves against my opponents. Wah what fun that would be. You know, growing up, i also didnt join sports cause i thought i wouldnt excel in it even though i loved it. It didnt make sense to join and be lousy. You though accolades means more. But i realised, what drives sportsman is the passion! The love for the game/your sports. The love that drives you to train week in week out, to improve your game. It goes beyond all logical sense to consider achievement. You strive to achieve, thats true. But for sports, how many achieve greatness? Yet how many plays the sports for teams, spending so much time in it? Surely its passion that drives you. And im learning to embrace my passion. DOing what i love to do, even though im old now and started a little late. Wouldnt say i have youth up my hands, but ill play, ill strive to improve. Cause I LOVE THE GAME!!! (p.s. the game is a term to describe the game of basketball)

Not that im not starting to pick up and love frisbee too. I have a competition this coming fri!Woots!

Cya at the court baby!

But im very sad of 1 thing, i'll never be the man of faith i want myself to be. I wanted to be the best i can for God, being close to Him and studying His word and all. But i realised it has always been just a dream. I realised how stupid it is to commit the same mistake more than 777 times and yet still be able to come to the Lord with the same words and asking for forgiveness. I realised what a failure i am always thinking that i need to pray i need to do QT i need to spend time with the Lord everyday. Yet everyday i fail to do so. Its always in my mind, but i always fail. Do you realise how STUPID THAT IS? Yet of course i guess i should never stop trying. i just need to TRY ALOT HARDER! I need to have a greater desire to seek the change. I guess i shouldnt want to be the man of faith i want myself to be.

I want to be His, the way He wants me to be!

Feels Different

2009-05-08T16:50:00.003+08:00

Feels different this time round. Don't feel so bothered. You just know you have that feeling. But it does make you very happy, and somehow, even when you feel sad, you dont feel that sad. Its just like haiya. Dissappointed. Haha.

Quite shocked to see what is written on a banner that day at the bus stop. Its like right smack in front of my face. But I was like err, maybe not yet. Haha.

Ok im talking rubbish. Bb.

2009-05-04T23:04:00.003+08:00

nick is very VERY very VERY very VERY very VERY very VERY very VERY very VERY very VERY

depressed.

Braces piece came off after i made an extra trip to dentist today. and then tmr must make another extra trip again!!!! So pissed.

I wish i have someone to complain to.

Emotion's and committing my life to Him

2009-04-18T23:51:00.009+08:00

Mat 22:35 Then one of them, [which was] a lawyer, asked [him a question], tempting him, and saying,
Mat 22:36 Master, which [is] the great commandment in the law?
Mat 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Mat 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Mat 22:39 And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Mat 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

You know, for some reason i struggled to not be so emotional the past 2 days, fri sat. I was telling some closer friends that it has not really happened for sometime. I guess cause ive been quite tired after so long time of rest. I think some events created some trigger on fri. Some conversations triggered it, then some ppl started to brush my opinions off during service choir prac that topped it off. I guess she felt her leadership being threatened, but it caused me to be thinking that i shouldnt be there, especially since on one hand im singing praises to God and another im still being pissed.

Today, again the same, a conversation, or a lack of response, triggered some emotional feelings. And somehow, i felt kinda sad when Debbie said she was going overseas(which i kinda forgot), even for awhile. Dont know why. Maybe cause she owes me something for some time now and can't " return" it before she goes overseas. Haha.

THese were a pleasant reminder that ppl DONT CHANGE OVERNIGHT. But oh well, i guess its how you handle them. :-p ANd yes from the verses above, i somehow felt very guilty when jon was asking ppl to send him to the bus stop because he was afraid of trees at night(jon is mentally challenged). And i was like, i kinda see how all of us, myself included, were so selfish. I mean yes jon was being very selfish to even ask ben to send him home. Ben was right ttating brrio want to educate him to not be selfish and whine at us and complain to us. But i dont know, he's irritating, he can take care of himself, wont die going by himself, but i somehow felt that, our response was just one of selfishness. He was selfish, but we treated him with one of selfishness too. Sure we are all busy, but you know, i was thinking to myself, i i can spend 10 min of my time playing a game, what more to do a fovour for a brother? And the hilarious thing is later he spent alot of time watching adam labert videos and perf videos and trying out the hackintosh but we COULDNT SPEND 10 MIN SENDING JON TO THE BUS STOP! What a joke right? Well, lucky for me, this came to my mind, and i decided to do it. Whether or not we should pamper him is 1 issue, but i dont see how this is pampering. When 1 has a huge fear for something do we expect him to overcome it so easily? If i was afraid of the dark would i dare to walk in a dark alley alone?

Selfish, we all are.
I wish i could be less selfish the next time round.

Anyway, i went to run on thurs after tuition got cancelled. Wa i tell you, i prob ran as fast as i could have walked. Like seriously! I couldnt stand it, but thats my fitness lvl now. So i decided to push myself a litlle bit. Yo know but even wehn running, i was thiking a lot, and you know what gave me the adrenalin and the drive and the motivation to run? The thought that i might be going to encourage others to run faster when i become a PE teacher. I mean yes i am experiencing 1st hand how difficult it is building up fitness once again, especially doing it alone, but i guess the thought of encouraging others drived me, and i guess my life is so categorized by this, serving others. I guess it gave me the drive to do alot of things. Mum always say i always serve others when i am not taking care of my own needs(in certain aspects), but hopefully, its a good attribute to have. And yes, running was a great discipline too, i think discipline and strength in character is what diffrentiates a leader from a member, an officer from a men, and i was thinking, which one do i wanna be? Continue slumbering in laziness and not work hard? And so i guess i ran and ran and pushed. Thank God for all those thoughts. XD Adrenalin is really special, it gives you the power you dont have, and guess who i was thinking of amidst of all these thoughts? Who else? The one who sustains and gives me strength.

Today, Han's sharing(though it really felt like a sermon), struck 2 things to me. Do i want to commit my life to God even in my youth just like Daniel and great missionaries like Jim Elliot? Then i was thinking to myself, does my life show this commitment if i want it? No, there is alot to be done. And i want to commit my life to Him, and get down to doing the things i should be doing which are severely lacking.

Don't ask me what's the thing bothering me, i'm trying to sort it out within me. But other than that, like i've been telling ppl, GOD'S BEEN GOOD to me, XD

I really wonder how you're doing, and i wonder whether it ever even came across your mind, or bothers you that we are no longer friends like before. But its ok. I know you are fine even through extremely busy times like now and you're in good hands. All that's left are remembrance and reminiscense of a forgone void.

Blogging Updates

2009-04-16T00:27:00.006+08:00

Well oh well. Its some 2 months since i last blogged! Haha. I actually blogged through my hp 2 weeks ago but it falied on me. So then io couldn't be bothered to. Well, currecntly im not & prob might never be really in the blogging mood anymore. This post will contain alot of updates, but all prob short and sweet. :)

1) Thank God for my immediate superior, its only when she's leaving that i learn that even though she's the most HATED PERSON in my office, she's at least very caring. Though she is backstab queen, i start to realize that she still protects me in alot of ways, and concerned with my well being. Well in the midst of others being nice up front and fake and complaining abt you behind your back, i learn that she is so much better. Well, im also finding it increasingly difficult to even want to face the others, cause they seem like they dont want me arnd,so it kinda takes some courage now to even be arnd haiz.

2) Thank God for my unit. There is alot of good things in my unit that you'll never find in "the force"(or so they call iy), alot of priviledges i get that you'll never find too, but oh well. Posting out is a natural process in "the force". So even though i know posting will prob be in a worser and more uncomfortable environment, but oh well, its all training! :-p

3) I found out today that i prob need to take a 1 month bball hiatus. I prob want to use this time to spend it on training jump height hangtime and most imptly fitness. Of course if got opp to play with frens i will play la, but not likely, so i will not go down to my hse bball court anymore. Trng is more impt, and i have limited time.

4) I wish to join frisbee and bball teen games, but i think this is only a dream. Frisbee seems very unlikely cause its too near le. Bball got chance still. Lol. The last year i can participate le. Haiz, i feel so old. SO many years wasted finding my bearings and giftings, spending my whole schling life in the performing arts. I prob can continue in it, but i think long term, i might not want to. AS a choir member, i prob can go to most of singapore's best choirs9well at least in the past), but individually, as a soloist, i cant make it, so i prob might want to just give it up liao.

5)My sunglasses was lost in a taxi, but got it back, broken. -.- *sigh*

6) Thank God for the team. Thank God for the good r/s formed. Thank God for using me in the ministry in yfc. Thank God for the good r/s formed with Boss/Turtle Ee Han. Thank God for a so called good friend in ZL, i think bball and lameness made us good friends. I think also cause i intended to emulate ZL and also Hong Guo in being simple minded, enjoying the simple things in life. I'm too deep and complicated, or at least my mind is. And i am like it that they are simple really.Don't have to think too much abt too many things you know. Just be simple, and thank God for everything.

7) Talking abt complicated, why is this issue so complicated??? I just dislike to think abt it even though my heart keeps reminding me of it. Haiz. It is as complicated as east meets west, dont know how that actually can happen. Trying not to think too much. Reminds me of the troublesome past, which i just dont want to step back, and continue in being the new me.

8)This week, i was kinda reminded, of the past. When i felt it, i was like!!! So irritating, and quickly tried to banish all those old feelings.

9) Thank God for the new simple me. Much less emotional, thank you. But its a constant struggle to improve. You dont change overnight, but you change as time goes by, bit by bit, and i see the daily effort in trying to control the monsters in me. Well, Ai ling calls them monsters. haha.

10) Thank God for sports frenz committee. I'm learning alot from them, growing alot also through it. :)

11) Thank God for free time spent at home. Taught me to be more family minded especially impt for the future. Though i didnt do much, it taught to be more mature. Mum agrees. She say now more mature overnight. Haha. XD

12)I think speaking to dad helped. Had an adult talk with dad. Abt doing business together with him. Talked abt his faith and why he turned away from God. Talked abt what we(the siblings) failed to do when we were apart with dad.Taught me to start to mature, and most importantly, view dad even as a ministry, someone i want to work on, and even spend more time, thus i decided to join in his business. (dad is so business and money focused, thats all he thinks abt when he speak. seems like cant move away from that topic. Hopefully he doesnt read this, cause he started reading my blog!)

13) R/s with ppl in church has deteriorated so much cause ive been spending so little time with them that i feel distant. Its ok thought, dont need to be close to everybody ba. I should give up the idea that they were and ever will be my clique anymore. The clique have scattered le to all over sg and the world. :-p

14) Being simple means, i forget abt r/s with frens. Have to talk to heath, and Kevin! I cant believe i haven't talked to Kevin for maybe even 6 months, didnt felt like it the least bit. We once made the promise that we will keep up the close frenship for many years to come. oh well. We're both busy. Also im very sorry to Heath. Gotta talk to aidross, a close fren from sec sch. CAnt beilieve he initiated to talk to me after so long. MAybe cause army. Haha. Oh yes and joel too! Haiz. And there is still lyd and especially rachel. Bleah. Not having things in common/ not seeing them regularly makes it that much harder to keep up. Cheryl is still, somewhat at the back of mind. Really been too busy to talk with ppl. Maybe cause the new me just dont see the need anymore. Haha. (whats with all the talk of the new me? Lol)

15) I atill dont know what happened to close bro jx from Jc. Just dont know why ever since we ledt jc he like avoids me. Haiz. ( we were once so close that for our class t, my name was bro-nick, his was bro-jx)

16) Eyes quuickly heal pls, and tooth stop hurting quick pls. Today put bottom bracket, so painful.

17) Go listen to the bottom 2 songs. @nd song's lyrics are just so meaningful, especially remembering Jesus' work through the cross. 1st song are good answers to questions non-christians will have. Enjoy!

17) Ok if i go on any longer i no need sleep le. Wah so much updates. Hopefully theres no more! Ok gives me reason not to blog for 3 more months. :-p

18) Troublesome thought, stop disturbing me! Trying to lett God lead and control. Let him show the signs. Bye now! XD

King Of Glory
Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anZojcPu4og

Lift up your gaze
Be lifted up
Tell everyone
How great the love
The love come down
From heaven's gate
To kiss the earth
With hope and grace

Sing

Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty

Lift up your hands
Be lifted up
Let the redeemed
Declare the love
We bow down
At heaven's gate
To kiss the feet
Of hope and grace

There is one God
He is Holy
There is one Lord
Over everything
There is one King
He is Jesus
King of glory
Strong and mighty

You are the King of Glory
The Lord, strong and mighty

Mighty Is the Power Of The Cross
Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkO-D0fatRQ

What can take a dying man and raise him up to life again?
What can heal a wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokenness?
Brokenness

[Chorus:]
Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is the power of the cross

What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones
What can save and overcome?
Overcome

[Chorus]

It's a miracle to me [2x]
And It's still a mystery [2x]
It's a miracle to me
The power of God
For those who believe

Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is .......
Mighty is.......
Mighty is the power of the cross

Thank You for the cross [2x]
Love the cross [2x]
So Powerful...... ohhhhh yeahhh
What can take a dying man?
And raise him up to life again?

Worship You Jesus
By your wounds we are healed
By your wounds we are saved
Mighty is the power of the cross [2x]
Thank You Jesus for the Holy cross

2009-04-03T15:26:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i took time to blog. it's been a long time. well. i guess i always tell myself if i have the time the blog i should do my qt instead4 well. so i guess i end up never ever making time to blog. today was a sad day. it started froit's been a long time since i took time to blog. it's been a long time. well. i guess i always tell myself if i have the time the blog i should do my qt instead4 well. so i guess i end up never ever making time to blog. today was a sad day. it started fro

Fantasies

2009-03-26T23:19:00.002+08:00

Fantasies seem like reality, until you had a reality check. Sad, and there goes another fantasy. I realize i live in fantasy alot. When can i get out of my fantasies? I realize i always imagine things too much. WAY to much.

Stop dreaming,

Say Hi to the New Me

2009-03-04T22:26:00.002+08:00

The New Me

Say Hi to the new me. Somethings i noticed that have changed.

Much less cheerful than before.
Play bball much more than before.
sleep much more than before(when i get the chance)
SKip church much more than before
Woke up to the realisation how much im not interested in God
Just living my life the way i want to
not seeking him as much as before
not studying His word as much as before
I now count how often God is in my mind a day, virtually none, other than saying grace.
Convictions that ive all given up, was countless.

Wow. I guess its like my fren said, you grow up, and learn that convictions are, somewhat naive thoughts. There's so much in me that just is wrong-so much turmoil, ill discipline, deterioration of r/s with superiors, i keep going to sleep thinkingm what is changing, what is diff. And i found so many.

2 big changes coming up. Btaces on the 13th, eyelid surgery on the 24th. Wow. Talk abt changes.

And i can finally swim!!! Yes!!!!

Maybe i should be off to qt for once.

From that day till Valentine's Day and Beyond!

2009-02-18T22:35:00.005+08:00

From that day till Valentine's Day and Beyond!

Well, i thank God for post Valentine's reflection.

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; itis not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I thank God for yesterday's sharing by Ngiap Thai. It had no relation to our committee, and of all ppl im surprised he shared- suddenly taking out a bible at the end of the mtg. He reminded us of the love that we ought to have. In light of Valentine's day and even our very conscientious/workaholic committee(me included), he reminded us the thing that differentiate our committee from a worldly committee- simply for the love of others. The ppl we hope to bring to Christ, the ppl we work with, the love, the testimony, ought to be different. In the midst of Valentine where everyone's idea of love is that of a couple, we should be reminded of Gods. Him on us, and ours, to pass it on. Thank God for the refocusing of the mind of what does love mean. Not what we always can only think of, but that of Gods.

I have to admit, life ever since that fateful event has changed my life completely. And so many things in me have changed, in my mind at least, so many changes have been made. But i am thankful that im jus holding on to the faith, which has been hugely weak of late. At least it has not died. I just hope that life continues on to be more and more colourful rather than the black and white ive seen so often the past few months.

Love: I happen to talk abt this to lyd and rach abt a month plus ago. We were talking abt the right one existing out there, or God has a special one for us. Or is that true? Isnt the love r/s in the bible mostly married then you learn to love? Is love cultivated? Or is it just due to the thing we call predestination? I think its cultivated, but my feelings tell me otherwise. Just talk abt doing something ive stopped doing and the same feeling appears.

But maybe cause feelings are very much blind, but love, is supposedly logical/cultivated.

I wish close friendships need not be broken.
I wish i'll stop having emotionally intense dreams.
I wish church was like the past.
But moving on....

I thank God for new friends and most of all, bball. I'm truly loving it more and more each day.

BTW, I HAVE ANTERIOR CRUCIATE LIGAMENT TEAR IN MY RIGHT KNEE!! I DONT BELIEVE IT!!!

oh. HELLO! To the follower from mexico??!! :-p (dont ask me why she follows my blog)

Bolero- THSK

2009-02-05T11:23:00.011+08:00

Bolero

THSK
(Bolero refers to a type of Latino music and its associated dance and song)
Pictoral poem/lyrics

In my dreams I saw you dancing

On the moon’s stage, which floated in the darkness
Do not keep each and every wound deep in your heart

Nobody will blame you, just be yourself

Let me hear it, lovely and gently

Perform the Bolero with your toes

Rise up, you’ll find a place

Where even your sorrow can be healed

Don't you know Yeah
I'll stand by your side
Ah~
Fly away, Fly away, Fly away, Fly to the top
Fly forever
Yeah, yeah, yeah~

Succumbing to temptations

2009-02-05T10:44:00.003+08:00

Well. These past 2 weeks have been interesting. Well, i could say it was such a waste of time and such sinfulness. But i guess through it all it drives home an impt lesson, vanity of pleasures.

You know. These past 2 weeks, i allowed myself to succumb to temptations, to do things i always wanted to do. Or at least the sinful self. It was quite interesting- and after being blind to faith and being hardened in heart to continue on in the things i was doing. Was really interesting. Now i understand how ppl could just go blind and commit mistakes even though we know they are a mistake. How you could put aside faith. But what doesnt break you makes you stronger. I think it strengthens my convictions on certain issues. I flirted with the idea of forgoing past convictions, which goes to show how convicted i am in them. Teaches me that convictions made are not strong until they are tested. Shows me how i could go blind.

one night stands and 1 week stands.

But well i soon learn that they are all vanities, and has no fulfillment in them. After they're over. Its just like that lor. Haha. Thank God that He closed all doors, just when i thought i wanted to venture into them. Now i realize, i dont need one. Great cause, ive lost that desire. =)
Makes it more obvious that living life with our true purposes, makes much more sense. =)

Things left unspoken would have been better

2009-01-28T22:56:00.003+08:00

I guess things left unspoken here would be better. Cause i always have tons of things i went thorugh, that i cant say it here with pure honesty, so i am finding other ways of relief- not here definitely. A private blog is better. I guess after awhile when you have tons you wanna say, after awhile, it just doesnt mean anything, or doesnt matter anymore. I will still blog here lah. Just less.

Well, i feel the gap already, but its ok. Everyone goes through different phases. It's just a fact that i wont be sticking arnd anymore.

Haha. But what a joke. Today's shopping just proved to me where my heart lies. I'm amazed how early i could actually get a present, and how late. Somehow, everyone has a colour. Everyone has a music that ties to them. I guess its the emotions that come with the colour/music.

Being alone and doing things alone has been my staple these days. There's just a quite assurance how faith has fallen and how i'm willing to compromise faith. Don't be too shocked in the near future that a big change has occured in my life, cause i wanted it anyway.

I'm amazed by the amount i waste being alone- doing things that are just pure waste of time. And ive been meeting so many ppl up. Not counting the 2 frens i havent caught up with for a long time! The process even before the meet up's have been very encouraging. Just seem like we're closer even when we weren't even that close in the past.

But i miss JX. Oh well at least cause today is his birthday and somehow i got emotional over the closest fren i have during jc before kevin. My dear classmate whom i always sit next to, the person im always walking around with, talking bout anything under the sun(other than bernard my other classmate and the main class clique), the fren whom has the other bro in our class t shirt(yes, im bro nick and he's bro jx!) But well the thing is that, after we left jc, we never even saw each other, not even results day. And i guess meet up never happened. Just sad when i think of the times of trials we went through together in JC. But i kinda guessed why he might be unhappy with me ba. But oh well.

I'm inspired by a fren to do some photo posts of things colourful and beautiful. its just whether cam can actually produce the effects i want!

This norah jones song is such a chill out song, it reflects my mood/attitude now exactly! Just chilling out and taking life slowly. Heard it from a fren's blog.

I need a change of attitude!

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

The Answer

2009-01-16T10:32:00.001+08:00

I believe you are the answer to every tear I’ve cried
I believe that you are with me,
My rising and my light.

Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can’t see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee

That when all my days are over
and all my chores are done,
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where You are.

I hate my life

2009-01-10T00:37:00.003+08:00

I hate my life, cause i waste so much time i cant believe it. I made so many bad decisions that reminds me of my old self. I sin so much without remorse. I screw up my clock like morn is night and night is morn.

And i dont give a shit.

Shit i gotta get out from this darn hole i dug and went into again.

Putting An End

2009-01-04T00:28:00.002+08:00

Tks for the enlightenment to a dear friend of mine. I cant thank this friend enough. Its not a conclusion, its not definite enlightenment, but maybe as you said i always knew the steps that i should have taken.

Everything should go away, storing them in a thumbrive, keeping all the many tangible things into a box(not like there was many), and remembering in the future this former treasure of my heart. That i really really really really..... That hopefully when it begans ending could be put(hopefully it will be done cause it is not easy). I know its going to be such a difficult process for me. I know its going to be an extremely difficult time of testing and sadness for me. I am really not willing to give this away, this last bit of it. But hopefully God will honour me for what i would hopefully do to seek Him without restraint. To not struggle with what i am struggling, and to be solely His, for now. Hopefully its an end to an obstruction from God, and i could look to Him, wholeheartedly. This is my Isaac, which i lay them down, for the Lord to take away.

Hopefully the dreams & feelings go along too.

Matt 18:7-9
7"Woe to the world fortemptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! 8And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.